


INVADER QUINN - SEASON 02

by Anguirus1955



Series: INVADER QUINN [2]
Category: Daria (Cartoon), Invader Zim
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Invader Zim & Daria Crossover, Other, daria - Freeform, invader zim - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-08-18 04:37:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 77,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8149334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anguirus1955/pseuds/Anguirus1955
Summary: As the Irken Invader Quinn's schemes and plots become more complex and diabolical, Stacey's campaign against her becomes more desperate and personal as her friends and family get involved. Before both females' eyes, the horrible, idiotic, and bizarre secrets of Lawndale begin to unravel as well. Prepare for Invader Quinn Season Two, now with 50% more Skoodge!





	1. Meats Of Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Stacey throws baloney at Quinn's head during lunch, Quinn decides to get revenge in the most diabolical and disproportionate way that she can.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 013 [2-001]: Meats Of Evil 

* * *

Date: Friday, November 13th, 2097 

Quinn looked around the lunchroom as the other students ate their food and talked to each other. She looked down at the sandwich on her tray. She had grabbed it merely out of the need to appear normal, as she didn't care much for the food the humans consumed in the lunchroom. The fried cheese sticks were okay, but she didn't trust much of the other meals to leave her insides intact.

Quinn looked up from her tray when she heard foot steps. "You know, anyone who watches you would notice that you don't actually eat any of the food," Stacey said. "I eat the fried cheese sticks," Quinn stated. "Oh. Well, you still don't eat much of anything else. So, what is it? Don't like the taste, or perhaps it's a weakness. Hmm?" Stacey asked her.

"Don't be ridiculous, Stacey," Quinn said. "I already stuffed myself with so much delicious human _filth_ this morning, that I simply am not hungry right now," Quinn lied. "Right," Stacey said in a disbelieving tone. "Hmm," Stacey said as she picked up a slice of bologna from Quinn's tray. "Oh, well... baloney!" she cried as she threw the meat at Quinn's head.

Quinn cried out in pain as the meat began to sizzle after making contact. "The meat! The meat! The horrible meat!" Quinn cried as she fell onto the floor and writhed around in pain. Stacey chuckled at her and walked away.

"Okay," Daria said to her sister, "That was just uncalled for." She listened to Quinn's continued scream of anguish. "Well, since she's in horrible agony, does this mean that you're even with her for the organ theft?" Daria asked Stacey. "Mm, maybe," Stacey said with a smile as she sat down and ate her lunch.

"Just be careful, Stace. This could come back to bite you," Daria warned her sister as she ate her lunch. Daria was still bald from having her head shaved by the de-lousers earlier in the week, as was Jane. Through the loss of hair, both girls had gotten back on good terms, especially after seeing Principal Li lose her wig the day after.

**Later, After School...**

Quinn entered the grocery store and made her way over to the lunch meat section, next to the deli. "Would you like some _ham_ or _bologna!?_ " a deli clerk asked with a blank stare and drool coming out of his mouth. "Not from you," Quinn replied before walking over to the pre-packaged area. The deli clerk continued staring blankly into space with his mouth hanging open.

"Hmm..." Quinn murmured before she grabbed a pack of store brand bologna. She then made her way to the frozen section and grabbed two boxes of frozen cheese sticks and a gallon of ice cream before paying at the register. She picked up an empty soda can off the ground, for GIR, and entered her Voot Cruiser, which was holographically disguised as a small two-seat compact car, and headed back to her base.

* * *

**Casa Lane**

"So, what do you think?" Jane asked Daria. Daria looked at Jane's latest painting. The painting was of a bear with a bazooka fighting an Orca with mechanical wings. "Um... well, it's certainly creative," Daria said. "I call it... um, well..."

"You haven't thought of a name yet, have you?" Daria asked her. "No," Jane admitted. "Well, let's get a list started, otherwise you'll be standing in that same spot until Monday morning," Daria said as she reached into her back pack and pulled out a pencil and a notebook.

"So, earlier at lunch, I couldn't help but notice that Stacey was more... _aggressive_ than usual towards Quinn," Jane said. "Yeah, ever since the incident with the organs, she's been getting more... I don't know, proactive, maybe," Daria said. "I see. So, she still hasn't gotten over that, has she?" Jane asked her.

"I'm not sure if she ever will," Daria replied with a sigh. "Last week, she broke into Quinn's base and got herself captured, so I had to rescue her," Daria said. "Say, was that the night that you went to Pizza Empire?" Jane asked her. "Um, yeah, it was. She was acting very different from her normal behavior all night, except for when she started hyperventilating while we escaped from Quinn's space station in an escape pod," Daria explained.

"Escape pod?" Jane asked her. "Yep. From her space station, which is probably still orbiting the Earth. You know, thinking about it, I'm kind of shocked that Quinn hasn't actually managed to do any major damage yet, considering how advanced her technology is when compared to ours," Daria said. "Maybe she's just incompetent," Jane suggested. "Yeah, I've been thinking that too," Daria replied.

"So, how do you think she's going to get back at your sister for the bologna incident at lunch today?" Jane asked her. "I don't know. I just hope she doesn't do anything that kills Stacey," Daria said. "Hey, you were in Quinn's base, right?" Jane asked her. "Yeah, why?" Daria responded. "Could you describe it to me? It might give me some ideas for a painting or two," Jane explained. "Um, sure," Daria said.

* * *

**Deep Inside Quinn's Base...**

"Yes," Quinn said as she looked at her screen. "Perfect. Absolutely perfect. A shame it won't be permanent, but it should still last long enough to make her suffer. And who knows, if something happens to her before it can wear off, maybe I'll finally be rid of her," Quinn said to herself with a grin.

"Hey, watch'a doin'?" GIR asked her. "Oh, just plotting revenge. Wait, GIR, did you finish those maintenance tasks that I assigned you earlier?" Quinn asked the robot. "Uh... no," GIR replied. "And why not?" Quinn asked GIR. GIR simply shrugged in response. "Grr, GIR! Get those tasks completed!" Quinn yelled at him. "Okie-Dokie!" GIR said before running out of the lab.

"I'm beginning to wonder if the Tallest made a mistake when they handed GIR to me. He performs his stupid act far too well and far too often. Perhaps I should call them and ask about this," Quinn said to herself. "Oh well. Computer! Prepare the device!" Quinn ordered. " **Yes, Quinn,** " The Computer said in compliance.

* * *

Date: Monday, November 16th, 2097 

Stacey entered her homeroom quietly. She saw that Quinn was already in her seat, yawning as she stared at the white board. "Morning, Baloney Head," Stacey said as she saw Quinn scratch the spot where the bologna had melted to Quinn's forehead. Quinn hissed at her with a glare. "Yes, go ahead and frolic now, Earth girl. Frolic in your... meats of evil, but know that I _will_ have my revenge one day," Quinn said menacingly.

"Quinn, Stacey, both of you shut up. Stacey, get into your seat," Miss Bitters said. "Yes, Miss Bitters," Stacey said as she walked over to her seat. Stacey didn't notice Quinn's eyes following her as she prepared to sit down at her seat. Quinn's eyes widened in anticipation as Stacey lowered herself onto the seat.

"Yeeowwch!" Stacey cried before jumping up from her seat and rubbing her bum. "He-he. He-ha, ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa!" Quinn laughed. Stacey felt around and pulled a tack out of her ass before examining it. "This is your revenge; a tack? That's pathetic, even for you," Stacey said.

Quinn merely chuckled in response, amused at Stacey's reaction. _You'll understand soon enough, Stacey. But, by then, it'll be too late, and you'll have to weather the symptoms until they reach their peak and then go away, if you can survive that long_ , Quinn thought to herself with a smile.

"Quinn, stop smiling," Miss Bitters said. "Yes, Ma'am," Quinn said in response. "Now, everyone who's still in my class for first period, please open up your horrible text books and finish any horrible homework that you decided not to do last night. Everyone else, just remember that your lives will all end one day, and that the universe is doomed," Miss Bitters said as she glared at her students.

* * *

**The Morgendorffer Household, After School...**

Stacey carefully washed the spot where she had been jabbed by Quinn's tack earlier. "Stupid tack. Stupid Quinn. I just hope Mysterious Mysteries eventually shows at least _one_ of the videos I've sent to them since I've moved here, and especially the ones after Quinn arrived. Then she'll be exposed, and the government will take her away somewhere," Stacey said with a smile.

Ten minutes later, as she was drying off, Stacey couldn't help but sniff the air of the bathroom. "Huh. What is that?" she wondered. The scent was faint, but there was definitely something familiar about it. "Eh, whatever," she said with a shrug as she continued drying off, unaware of what was going on inside her body.

* * *

Date: Tuesday, November 17th, 2097 

Stacey walked to school behind Daria and Jane, talking animatedly to Andrea, who had decided to join them that morning to relieve her boredom. "So, there it was, just standing in the garage. I couldn't believe my luck. A real Bigfoot!" Stacey said. "Uh-huh," Andrea replied nonchalantly.

As they continued walking to school, Stacey saw a small dog walk up to her, sniffing at her. "Oh, hey there little fella," Stacey said. The dog stared at her, hungrily. Soon, another dog appeared, followed by two more. "Hey, where are all these dogs coming from?" Stacey asked as she saw them heading towards the group.

One of them walked up to her and began licking her hand. "Heh, looks like you made a friend," Daria said as she looked over her shoulder. "Yeah, but-aah!" Stacey cried as the dog bit her. "Dammit! Get away, shoo!" she cried at the dog. The dog barked at her. Andrea quickly put herself between Stacey and the dog.

Stacey wiped her hand on her sleeves before noticing that smell again. Tentatively, she licked her hand. "Hey... I'm delicious!" Stacey said. "Andrea, I'm delicious!" Stacey said. "W-What?" Andrea asked, confused and disturbed. "Taste me, I'm delicious!" Stacey said.

"Look, my door opens both ways, but I'm not doing _that_ in public," Andrea said. "No, I mean, my skin tastes delicious, like... I don't know, but it's really familiar!" Stacey said. "Okay, Stace, did that dog bite give you an infection making you delirious?" Daria asked her sister.

"I don't think so," Stacey replied as they neared a cross-walk. More dogs appeared, this time surrounding the group. "Um, they look hungry," Jane said. "They aren't looking at us," Daria noticed, "Just... Stacey." Stacey gulped. The dogs lunged, and she screamed.

* * *

Quinn let out a contented sigh as she sat in her chair. "Quinn, no being happy in my classroom," Miss Bitters said. "Yes, Miss Bitters," Quinn said with a frown. "That's better," Miss Bitters commented. The door to the classroom opened a minute after the bell rang to signal homeroom. "You're late, Stacey," Miss Bitters said.

Miss Bitters took in Stacey's appearance as the young girl walked toward her desk. Her clothes were tattered, and there looked to be some cuts or lacerations on her arms and legs, in addition to puncture wounds. "Sorry, Miss Bitters," Stacey said as she sat down. "I was... being chased... by dogs. So many... dogs," Stacey said tiredly and out of breath.

Just as she sat down, her classmates began to wrinkle their noses. "Hey... what's that nasty smell?" Sandi asked. "I think it's Stacey!" Sandra exclaimed. "Gross!" Anna cried. "When I was twelve, I once left my underwear on for a month, and it kind of smelled like she does," Joey said. "Dude, that's even _worse!_ " Jeffy exclaimed, slapping Joey in the face for his comment.

"Quiet!" Miss Bitters snapped. "If I have to put up with your collective stenches, then so must you all!" she said with finality. "B-But... the _stink!_ " Sandi cried. "Deal with it!" Miss Bitters growled at her.

"Heh, I told you I would have my revenge, Stacey," Quinn said with a smile. "This is your revenge? Mind controlling dogs to attack me? I have to admit, that has the potential to be horrifying, but with a quick shower your vengeance will just wash off," Stacey retorted.

"Oh, just wait," Quinn said. Stacey merely raised an eyebrow. "Now, class, due to Principal Li once again wasting our funding on unnecessary things such as lie detectors, we will have to continue using outdated textbooks instead of the new ones we were suppose to receive this month, and that goes for _all_ of your classes, not just mine," Miss Bitters said.

" **Attention, will Miss Bitters please report to the principal's office immediately? Thank you,** " Angela Li said over the loud speaker. "Grr," Miss Bitters growled. Just as she stood up, she sniffed the air. Her eyes widened and then narrowed and she stalked forward with an unnatural gait in her walk, sniffing the air as she made her way toward Stacey.

"Stacey! You stink! Go roll around in the toilet until you smell better!" Miss Bitters ordered her. "What!? But, I'll smell like the toilet!" Stacey retorted. "Exactly," Miss Bitters replied flatly. Stacey sighed in defeat as she got up. Miss Bitters then slithered out of the classroom, with Stacey following her. "Oh, um, Quinn. My vengeance is now complete," she said with a smile and a knowing glance.

* * *

"Miss Bitters," Angela Li began, "I couldn't help but overhear something you said recently-" "You have spying equipment all over the school," Miss Bitters interjected. "Ahem, well-" "Are you still paranoid that the Northies will try to get you? It's been three generations since your family escaped from that place, and you don't even share the same last name as your paternal grandfather, so stop with the spying stuff already. It's really annoying," Miss Bitters said.

"My problem is with the lies that you were telling those students earlier," Angela Li said defensively. "What lies?" Miss Bitters asked her. "About how I misappropriate the funds for our school," Angela replied. "So... what lies did I tell them?" Miss Bitters asked her again. "I just told you," Angela responded. "No, you didn't mention anything that I've lied about. I'm still waiting," Miss Bitters said with a grin.

* * *

Stacey finished washing her arm in the sink a third time. She sniffed her arm and then licked it. "I'm still delicious. No one should be this delicious!" she exclaimed. She then felt a sharp pain and listened as something metallic hit the floor. She looked down and picked up the tack from the ground. Her eyes widened in recognition. "Quinn!" she growled.

She reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a cube. Pressing a button, the cube began to expand and unfold until it became a laptop. Pulling out another small cube, Stacey, allowed it to become a small box with a light on it. She connected the small scanner to the laptop via a USB cable.

Pressing her thumb to a line, she waited for a beep and then used a voice command on the laptop. "Computer run a scan on the substance from the tack," she commanded. " **Running scan. Foreign substance detected,** " the laptop said. "Now, run a scan on my skin sample. Is the foreign substance located in me as well?" Stacey asked.

" **Scanning... affirmative.** " "So, Quinn introduced a foreign DNA sequence into my body through that tack. Computer, run a scan on the foreign DNA sequence. I want to know what it is," Stacey said. " **Processing.** " Stacey looked around the girls' bathroom while she waited for the scan to finish.

" **Scan complete.** " Stacey saw the image appear on the screen, showing a slice of generic meat bologna. "Baloney! Quinn has introduced baloney DNA into my body!? Computer, have I absorbed the boloney?" Stacey asked. " **Negative. Subject Stacey has been genetically altered to metamorphose into subject bologna.**

"N-No. No! Nnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

* * *

Angela Li turned her head as Miss Bitters left the room. "Where is that coming from?" she asked out loud.

* * *

Shortly after Miss Bitters returned to the classroom, so too did Stacey. "Quinn!" she shouted as she grabbed the green girl and dragged her out of her seat. "I know what you've done! Make it stop! Give me the antidote!" Stacey demanded. Quinn narrowed her eyes and smacked Stacey away from her. "There is no antidote! You're going to have to live with your horrible meaty fate!" Quinn hissed at her.

"I told you that you would forever rue the day that you messed with me. Now, begin your ruing! I'll just... you know, sit here and watch. Ahahahahaa!" Quinn laughed. Stacey looked around the classroom at all of the students who were holding their noses and threatening to puke while staring at her.

Stacey began hyperventilating before she screamed and ran out of the classroom. Quinn continued laughing at the girl's misfortune. "Quinn! Stacey's gone, so quit laughing," Miss Bitters snapped at her. "Aha... ah-uh... right," Quinn said as she calmed down.

**Later, After School...**

"Stacey?" Daria asked as she knocked on her sister's door. "Stacey?" she asked again. This time, she actually opened the door and entered her sister's room. Stacey was curled up on her bed, sobbing. "Stacey... what happened at school, and what is that smell?" Daria asked her sister. "It's me. Quinn... she injected me with some kind of virus," Stacey whimpered.

"A virus?" Daria asked. "A baloney virus. My body is slowly transforming into baloney, and there's nothing I can do about it. I... I'm going to die!" Stacey cried before sobbing into her pillow. "How did Quinn get this virus into you?" Daria asked her. Stacey reached into her jacket and pulled out the tack, which was inside a zip-lock bag.

"Stacey, do you still have that prank hand-zapper that Aunt Vanessa gave us the other year?" Daria asked her sister. "Yeah, but why do-what are you planning?" Stacey asked her sister.

"Does Quinn have an antidote?" Daria asked her. "No. She said there isn't one," Stacey croaked. "Well, she's going to make one, otherwise..." Daria trailed off with a smile, but very creepy, smile on her face.

* * *

**Quinn's Base...**

GIR was watching the Scary Monkey show when the doorbell rang. "Leprechauns!" he exclaimed before donning his dog suit. He quickly walked over to the door and opened it, revealing Daria Morgendorffer, who was wearing gloves on her hands. "GIR, is Quinn home?" she asked. "Um... yeah, she's down in the lab right now," GIR replied.

"Now, hold still, Tommy Sherman," Quinn said as she replaced the the happiness probe in his head with a newer one. Tommy Sherman winced before smiling again. "Being happy... is so great!" he spouted. "Yes. Yes, it is," Quinn said in agreement.

" **Quinn, there's someone at the door,** " The Computer said. "Let the robot parents handle it. That's what they're for, aren't they?" she replied. " **Uh... it's that girl from the other week.** " "Stacey?" Quinn asked. " **No. The other one.** " "Other one? Daria," Quinn said. "I'll be right up," Quinn said as she placed Tommy Sherman back in his holding tank.

When she reached the living room level, she saw GIR curled up on the couch next to Daria, who was staring at the robot with contempt. "Ah, Stacey's sister. So, to what do I owe this particular visit?" Quinn asked warily. Daria smirked. "Hn. Funny you should ask that. I found out what you did to my sister today," Daria said.

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Well, I have to admit," Daria said as she got up from the couch, causing GIR to frown. "I think it's pretty good. She really can be quite annoying," Daria said with fake sincerity. "Really?" Quinn asked, confused. "Oh, definitely. How about a congratulatory handshake, eh?" Daria offered, putting a gloved hand out. "Well, I suppose it's about time one of you Earthlings realized my superiority," Quinn said as she reached her hand out, grasping Daria's.

"So, why do you-aack!" Quinn cried before pulling her hand back. Daria held her gloved hand up and showed Quinn the tack attached to it. "Now, about that _antidote_ ," she said with an evil grin. "You... _horrible, wretched, monster!_ " Quinn snarled at her. "Yes, now, the antidote?" Daria asked her. "Oh, I'll make an antidote," Quinn said as she held her hand.

"But, I won't dare give it to Stacey. Besides, the virus isn't permanent," Quinn revealed to her. "What?" Daria asked. "It's only temporary. But, that's if Stacey can survive long enough for it to wear off," Quinn explained. "So, that's with _human_ DNA. What about... whatever you are?" Daria asked her with a raised eyebrow.

Quinn looked at her in shock. In all of her planning, she had forgotten to test the virus on samples of her own DNA to see what would happen if she were to accidentally inject herself with it. "Okay, I'll make an antidote, but I can't guarantee that it will be finished before tomorrow or even the day after tomorrow," Quinn said. "Fine, but I expect something before the end of the week," Daria said before she placed the tack into a zip-lock bag and stuffed it into her jacket.

"I'll see you around," Daria said as she walked out the door and closed it behind her. "Wait," GIR cried, "I want your glasses! They're shiny!" He then opened the door and chased after Daria. "Get away from me!" Daria shouted as GIR tried to grab her glasses.

Quinn turned away from the spectacle and entered an elevator, descending into her lab to begin testing on herself and devising an antidote.

* * *

Date: Wednesday, November 18th, 2097 

Quinn looked at the test results on her monitors in horror. "The reaction; it's happening much quicker inside me!" she screamed. "Computer, begin preparing an antidote!" There was no reply. "Computer?" Quinn asked in confusion. " **Command voice not recognized. Intruder detected. Intruder is... Bologna,** " The Computer stated.

At that moment, several guns and claws descended from the lab's ceiling and began to focus on Quinn. "Uh-oh," Quinn whispered to herself. "GIR! Help me!" she cried as she ran away from the base's internal defenses. GIR quickly entered the room, his eyes and marking glowing red. "Yes, my master!" GIR exclaimed. He then started dancing and whistling. "Doo-dee-doo-dee-doooooo!"

* * *

**The Morgendorffer Household...**

Stacey sat down at the kitchen table, moping as she tried to eat some cereal. Her body had begun to bloat overnight, and it was already mid-day. Helen and Jake had both already left for work before either girl had woken up. Daria had gone to school already, and had promised to cover for her if the teachers asked for her whereabouts.

There was a knock at the door. Stacey got up and walked over to the front door, opening it to see Quinn, who was looking very much like her. "Stacey. My base, it doesn't recognize me!" Quinn stated. "So, you got a taste of your own medicine, didn't you?" Stacey asked her.

"Of course not! If I had been able to produce the antidote, then this wouldn't be happening to me!" Quinn snapped. "That isn't what I-oh, never mind," Stacey said. "Stacey, I need to use your lab equipment to make an antidote!" Quinn cried. "Why should I help you?" Stacey asked her. "Um... without an antidote, you'll keep turning into bologna?" Quinn asked her in response. "Oh yeah," Stacey said thoughtfully.

The sound of dogs howling quickly got the attention of the two females. Both of them quickly entered the house and locked the door behind them. "Okay, if you were able to manufacture a virus to transform me _into_ bologna, then there must be a way to reverse engineer it," Stacey said. "Um, about that... my base has everything that we need, but it won't recognize my commands anymore. We have to either find a way to destroy and reverse the virus or let it run its course until it wears off," Quinn said.

"Wears off? What are you talking about?" Stacey asked her. "The effects of the virus are only supposed to be temporary, but I figured that you might get eaten by a hungry animal or your peers before it would wear off," Quinn explained. "You're certain that it's only temporary?" Stacey asked her. "For you? Yes! I tested it on cells I took from Tommy Sherman before I placed it in the tack," Quinn replied. "But... if my whole body turns into baloney, I'll die because my organs will fail!" Stacey exclaimed in rebuttal.

"Huh? Oh, right, you don't have a PAK to re-upload your personality into your body, or a simple multipurpose organ. Hmm, I forgot about that," Quinn said. "Gaahh!" Stacey exclaimed in anger and frustration. "Okay, okay, we need to get down into the lab and start working right away," Stacey said after forcing herself to calm down.

[Begin montage of Quinn and Stacey working on an antidote. Quinn and Stacey are now more bologna ring in shape than before, and very pudgy]

Stacey brings a series of test tubes over to a work bench and mixes them. An explosion knocks both females back.

Stacey and Quinn look at data on a computer.

Quinn injects a bologna ring with a serum, and both girls watch in horror as it is dissolved.

It is almost nightfall outside as the girls continue their experiments.

Stacey sets a container of serum into an analyzer, and a computer readout tells her and Quinn that it is fatal. Quinn screams in anger. At this point, she is further along than Stacey in her transformation.

Finally, both girls look on as another serum is completed.

[Montage Ends]

Quinn looked at a the serum in her hands. "I think this is it!" she proclaimed proudly. Stacey snatched the serum away from her and gulped it down. "Hey, save some for me!" Quinn cried as Stacey wiped her mouth. Stacey smirked at Quinn, before she winced and grimaced in pain, and her transformation accelerated, bringing her to the same point as Quinn.

"Oh, I should have known! You _wanted_ me to drink that!" Stacey said accusingly. "Please, this equipment is inferior to Irken equipment. Irken smeets play with more advanced toys than what is in this lab," Quinn said.

"Hey, we wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for your evil!" Stacey fired back. "Oh yeah!? Well, if you hadn't thrown bologna at my head, then I wouldn't have wanted revenge!" Quinn retorted. Stacey growled at Quinn and waddled forward, chasing the green girl through the lab and house.

Eventually, both girls ended up fighting in the living room. The noise caused by their clash was not unnoticed, as Daria exited her bedroom and made her way downstairs. "Stacey, Quinn! Enough!" Daria reprimanded them. as she grabbed the girls and pulled them apart from each other. "Quinn, how long until the effects wear off?" Daria asked her.

"I don't know! It could be days before our bodies start returning to normal," Quinn replied frantically. "I'll just have to keep you two locked up somewhere safe until then, won't I?" Daria asked them. "Locked up!?" Quinn gasped in horror.

"Don't worry. I won't experiment on you," Daria said flatly. "Fine," Quinn said in defeat. "Okay, so, let's go upstairs, and I'll get some air fresheners set up in the guest room," Daria said as she led them up the stairs.

* * *

Date: Thursday, November 19th, 2097 

Daria exited the bathroom and opened the door to the guest room, smelling the scent of the air fresheners. "Maybe I put too many in here," she said to herself, before she saw what had become of Stacey and Quinn. Both of them were now giant bologna half-rings. Daria raised an eyebrow at the sight. "Huh."

* * *

Ending Theme: Date of Rebirth, by Origa. 

* * *

**Alternate Ending :**

Daria woke up and made her way to the bathroom. After brushing her teeth, she sniffed the air. Her parents, one or both of them, were downstairs cooking breakfast. The smell was very good. Because of this, Daria reasoned, Helen had to be the one cooking, since Jake was an absolutely terrible cook. The best part of this, however, was that it didn't smell like lasagna at all.

Daria went over to check the guest bedroom first, to see Quinn and Stacey. When she opened the door, they were nowhere to be seen. At first, Daria was puzzled, but then, the smell coming from downstairs began to take on a terrible implication. A sickening feeling soon entered her gut. Gulping, Daria made her way downstairs, noticing the pile of clothes on the couch and the PAK that was sitting on the coffee table.

" _No,_ " she whispered to herself. Stepping into the kitchen, Daria's eyes widened in horror as she saw Helen eating a giant slice of pink bologna, while Jake was cooking up some green bologna in a frying pan. "Good morning, Daria," Helen said to her eldest, and now, only daughter. "Morning, Kiddo!" Jake said enthusiastically.

"Hey, Daria, you aren't going to believe what I found in the guest room this morning," Jake said with a smile before he plopped a piece of cooked bologna in his mouth and chewed. "Daria, would you go wake your sister up? She's going to miss out on breakfast," Helen said. Daria opened her mouth at the sight of her sister's bologna body cut in half and screamed in horror at the realization of what her parents had done, causing them to look at her questioningly. "You don't like bologna?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is: the first episode of Invader Quinn Season Two!


	2. Generally Insane Robot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After GIR's erratic behavior causes one of Quinn's plans to fail horribly, she decides to change GIR's behavioral settings so that he functions more like a proper SIR unit.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 016/2-002: Generally Insane Robot

* * *

Date: Monday, November 23rd, 2097

Quinn flew the Voot Cruiser over the farmland before coming to a stop above a pasture with several cows grazing. It was late at night, and with night coming sooner as Winter approached, it was much easier for her to sneak around. "This seems like a good spot," Quinn said to herself as she strapped her sewage pump device on. It was only late the previous night that she had returned to normal after the bologna virus had worn off. Well, the bologna had formed a case that had enveloped her, and her body was able to reform itself properly inside, like a lunch-meat butterfly, but without any wings. The same thing had happened to Stacey.

"GIR," Quinn said, "I need you to man the controls and the tractor beam." "Keep things steady while I pump the cows full of human sewage," Quinn added. "Cows are my _friiieeeeennnddss_ " GIR said. "I don't like you," Quinn said. "Now, the controls, please?"

Quinn walked over to the opening in the back of the cruiser. "Now, to taint the humans' food supply by filling their cattle with dookie!" Quinn said. "I like dookie!" GIR exclaimed before Quinn jumped down into the beam and slowly descended. "Sometimes," Quinn said to herself, "I'm afraid to know what goes on inside that insane head of his."

"Now, GIR, bring me cow!" Quinn demanded. GIR hummed as he looked out at the cows in the field. In particular, four of them transformed into dancing weenies before him. " _Dance with us, GIR! Dance with us into oblivion!_ " they sang to him. GIR smiled and hummed as he grabbed one with the tractor beam.

"Very good, GIR," Quinn said, until she saw that the cow was being brought up too fast. "Wait, GIR, slow down!" Quinn cried out. " _Hmm hm hmm, dancing weenies!_ " GIR sang as he threw the cow into the grain silo next to the farm building. "GIR, stop! You'll alert the humans to our presence!" Quinn said angrily. GIR quickly grabbed another cow with the tractor beam, and brought this one up fast as well, but this time it was heading for Quinn.

"No! No, GIR, drop the cow!" Quinn ordered as she began to ascend back up the other light beam and into the ship. She was just at the rim of the opening when the cow slammed into her from behind, hitting the dookie canister. "My spine," Quinn moaned in pain before the cow fell to the ground and she hefted herself back into the ship.

"GIR," she said angrily as she unstrapped the remains of the dookie canister from her and walked forward. "Give me the controls. We're going home," Quinn said tersely as she plotted a course to take them back to base. She looked over at GIR, who was smiling. "What?" she asked the little robot. "Dookie," GIR said with a giggle. Quinn merely snorted in response, and remained silent for the rest of the trip back to the base. She was planning to get a nice long cleaning session that night, for she smelled most horrible.

* * *

Date: Tuesday, November 24th, 2097

Quinn looked at the clock on the living room wall. "An hour left until school starts," she said in frustration. "I'll have to wait until I get back before I can start working on GIR's behavioral modulator," she said to herself. "Computer! Make sure that GIR remains inside the base until I return from school. I have plans for him today," Quinn said. " **Understood,** " The Computer responded.

Quinn sighed and grabbed her back sack before heading out the door. "The things I put up with," Quinn muttered as she made her way to Lawndale High School. _Glitchy Robot-Parents, an insane SIR unit, Stacey, Daria, and so much more! I can't wait to finally take over this planet. For when I do, I will eradicate all who have made me suffer_ , Quinn thought to herself.

* * *

"Did Dad... pack a lunch for me?" Stacey asked nervously as she grabbed a lunch box from her back pack. "He did," she said nervously. She opened it up and blanched before closing the lid. "Baloney," she said, almost feeling the urge to throw up. _I can never look at that stuff the same way again. Ever_ , she thought to herself. _To think that I used to_ _ **like**_ _baloney._

Stacey shoved the box back into her backpack and grabbed her books and pencils before stuffing the back pack into her locker. She noticed Quinn walking down the hallway, muttering things to herself as she maneuvered around the other students effortlessly despite staring at the ground the whole time. Stacey could only guess that Quinn's antennae had something to do with that ability.

Quinn glanced over in Stacey's direction and both females stared at each other. Eventually, Quinn moved on and made her way to her own locker. Stacey glared at Quinn one last time before heading to homeroom.

* * *

" _When she said 'I do', she never said what she did. Undercover brides on the next Sick Sad World!_ " GIR stared at the TV until he changed the channel. " _-to Bloaty's Pizza Hog! We got games! We got pizza! We got Bloaty!_ " Soon, he became bored and went into the kitchen. "I gonna make me some bacon!" he declared.

GIR rummaged through the fridge and the cupboards, grabbing sugar, spice, and everything nice, in addition to the bacon and the bologna that Quinn had bought the previous week for her revenge on Stacey. "Doo-do-doo!" GIR sang as he grabbed a tub of butter and shoved the bologna in it before stuffing it into his mouth.

"Yeehaaawwwwweeee!" GIR squealed happily as he danced around the kitchen after putting the bacon in the oven with butter coating it. The Computer monitored this, and seeing that the activity would cause no destruction, made no attempt to stop GIR. At least, until GIR ran over to the front door and attempted to open it.

" **Stop.** " "Why?" GIR asked The Computer. " **Your, uh... bacon! Your bacon might be destroyed if you leave it unattended in the oven for too long,** " The Computer replied unconvincingly. GIR gasped audibly and grabbed his head with his hands. "Oh no! My bacon! My bacon!" he cried as he reached under the couch and retrieved a box. He quickly opened it and placed a hat on his head before jumping on the couch and falling asleep.

* * *

** The Massive, Somewhere Near Blorch... **

"So, Skoodge, the Armada has just entered the system and we're here to see how that whole surprise thing you've mentioned is coming along," Almighty Tallest Red said. On the video screen, Skoodge saluted them and smiled. " _My Tallests, by the end of the planet's rotational cycle, Planet Blorch will be ready for conquest!_ " Skoodge declared.

Tallest Purple did a spit-take. "Say what!? Already? But... the slaughtering rat people! How did you actually come so far without being ripped to shreds by them!?" Tallest Purple asked in astonishment. " _I have_ _ **no idea!**_ _However, I refuse to question my luck thus far,_ " Skoodge replied with a smile.

"Well, that's... that's nice, Skoodge," Tallest Red said reluctantly. "We'll, um, wait until you've launched your actual victory attack on them before we label you a successful invader, however. You have to be able to do that without the help of the Armada in order for your success to be recognized," Tallest Red said.

" _I understand, Sirs. Invader Skoodge, signing off!_ " "Whew!" Purple said in relief. "I can't believe he's actually still alive! You'd think someone as short and ugly as Skoodge would have been torn to pieces by the rat people already!" Purple said dramatically. "Yeah, but he survived Quinn's rampage on Irk, despite being at ground zero, and he survived his academy training as well. Still, if he survives long enough to actually conquer Blorch, we may have a problem on our hands," Red said.

"Huh? What's that?" Purple asked him. "First of all, someone as short and ugly as him should not be a poster boy for conquest! And second, Blorch is where we want to send our _undesirable_ soldiers and invaders!" Red said. "Then why didn't we send Quinn there!?" Purple asked him. "Because we'd already assigned Skoodge to the planet, and he's an actual invader! Taking his assignment away just to give it to Quinn would be too cruel of a joke, even towards someone like Skoodge," Red said.

"But Skoodge isn't a desirable invader! He's short and ugly!" Purple said. "Yes, but he's still an official, registered and properly encoded invader," Red countered. "Wait... is Quinn still encoded as a food service drone?" Purple asked him. "Probably," Red said. "Then why don't we just send her back to Foodcourtia?" Purple asked him.

"Please! She'd probably just escape again," Red replied. "So... we just let her stay on Earth then?" Purple asked him. "For now," Red said. "Until we can think of a plan to eliminate her properly, anyway," he added. "Works for me," Purple said.

* * *

Quinn opened the front door with enthusiasm and a sense of authority. "GIR!" she shouted in anticipation. GIR ran out of the kitchen, covered in flour and some kind of brown goop, skidding to a halt in front of Quinn. "Yes, Master!?" GIR asked. "GIR, today we are going to fix your behavioral glitches," Quinn said.

"I'm gettin' a monkey!?" GIR asked. "What? No!" Quinn replied. "Aw man!" GIR pouted before returning his attention to Quinn. "Follow me," Quinn said as an elevator opened up in the corner of the room. GIR and Quinn quickly entered it and descended into the lower depths of the base.

Stepping off the elevator pad and walking through a hallway, Quinn led GIR into a large, circular room. Walking over to a small podium, Quinn retrieved a remote and turned to look at GIR. "With this behavioral modulator, I'm going to attempt to lock you into Duty Mode," Quinn explained. GIR giggled. "What?" Quinn asked him. "Duty," GIR giggled.

Quinn raised an eyebrow and then glared at GIR. "Yes... _Duty_ ," she said with thinly veiled contempt. Turning around, Quinn accessed the control panel on the post, and the holographic training room came to life. The room took on an appearance similar to the streets of Lawndale.

Quickly, a hologram of Stacey appeared, holding a spiked club. "I will make _youuuuu_ **suffer large** , alien!" the hologram exclaimed as she raised the club in the air. "Now, GIR! Enter defensive mode!" Quinn ordered. "Yes Sir!" GIR said with a salute, his color scheme changing to red. Quinn turned the dial on the remote up a notch.

GIR locked onto the Stacey hologram and marched forward, only to change direction and color scheme after noticing an empty can of Ultra-Cola on the ground. The Stacey hologram swiped at GIR with the club, missing by a full twelve inches and GIR gingerly walked over and grabbed the soda can off the ground before giggling and smashing the can into his head repeatedly.

Quinn frowned at the sight. "Grr, GIR! Attack!" she ordered. She rotated the dial on the modulator to a higher setting. GIR's color scheme changed back to red. "Yes Sir!" GIR exclaimed with a salute. He leaped at the hologram and assumed a fighting stance, before changing color scheme again. "Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo!" GIR sang.

"Grr," Quinn growled as she rotated the dial to a dangerously high setting. GIR's color scheme changed back to red, and he sang once more. " **Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo-dee!** " GIR then analyzed the hologram before turning to look at Quinn. "Sir, the target is a hologram and therefore not a threat to our mission," GIR said professionally.

"And what _is_ our mission?" Quinn asked with a grin. "Blend in with the indigenous life, analyze their weaknesses, and prepare the planet for the coming madness," GIR replied. "Yes," Quinn said. "At last, you have become the henchman that I so rightly deserve. With you being fully functional and beside my side, we shall take over this planet faster than _without_ you being by my side and fully... oh, whatever," Quinn said.

GIR's left eye twitched as the holographic streets disappeared. "Come on, let's get out of here," Quinn said as she walked out of the room. GIR hesitated and then followed her.

After returning to the living room, Quinn looked around. "Now the world will tremble at our feet," Quinn said. "With you being at top form, you are now an assistant worthy of me. I am Quinn!" Quinn shouted. GIR glanced at Quinn briefly. "Now, to test out your new programming," Quinn said as she heard a police siren in the distance. "GIR, investigate that sound," she ordered.

"Sir, that sound is merely a police siren and-" "Do as I say!" Quinn ordered. "Yes Sir!" GIR shouted as he ran forward. "Opening door! Praise, praise!" he shouted as he grabbed the door and tore it away from its hinges. He quickly ran forward, out of the house. Quinn watched with interest before a police cruiser crashed through the wall of the house, causing her to flinch and step back in surprise and shock.

GIR punched through the glass of the windshield and broke through, carrying a police officer in his hands. He dropped the officer on the floor in front of Quinn. Quinn looked at the scene with shock. "GIR, what are you doing!? This isn't information retrieval! Are you insane!?" Quinn shouted.

"I have captured this human for meat testing purposes," GIR said. "Praise me, praise me!" he demanded. The police officer grunted and wiggled around on the floor. "Oh, my bones. My neck," he groaned as he opened his eyes and looked around the room. He passed over Quinn and GIR, before returning his attention to them.

"What the-aliens?" he asked incredulously. "Great," Quinn said sarcastically. "Now I have to wipe his brain to make him forget all that he's seen!" Quinn grabbed the officer and dragged him over to an elevator, with GIR close behind.

* * *

In the lab, the police officer was strapped down to a slanted table. Quinn was using her PAK legs to maneuver around the room with efficiency as she applied her equipment to the human's head. "This memory transplant will take hours," she grumbled. "I had hoped to spend the rest of the afternoon experimenting on Tommy Sherman's resistance to pain," she complained.

The officer looked over and saw Tommy Sherman floating in a large tank. "Tommy Sherman? I thought he was dead!" the officer exclaimed. "Yeah, well, he isn't," Quinn said tersely as she retrieved a small containment tank with a squid in it. The officer glanced over and gasped, before retrieving his wallet from his pant pocket and unfolding the photo album inside.

"Please, I have a house and children, and a dog, and a toilet. Toilet children, dog, house," the officer rambled as he looked at the photos. "Be silent," Quinn said as she shoved a tube into his mouth and leaned his head back against the table. "You may go back to your toilet and children after we are done," Quinn said.

GIR looked at Quinn as she fed the long hose into the human's mouth. "With all due respect, you must realize that the SIR unit code enables free will in the event that the mission is threatened. This police human constituted a threat," GIR said. Quinn snapped her attention to GIR. "You dare tell _me_ what I already know!?" Quinn asked.

"Did you know that?" GIR asked in response. "Of course I-der, your legs are stupid!" Quinn retorted bitterly. GIR looked at Quinn as she returned her attention to the human police officer. She began to analyze the Irken. **Analyzing. Intelligence: Questionable.**

Quinn glanced over at GIR. "Go upstairs and watch... Earth broadcasts until I think of something better for you to do. That's a good GIR," Quinn ordered. **Order counterproductive. Quinn = Commander?** GIR stood still for a moment. "GIR?" Quinn asked in agitation. "Right away... _sir,_ " GIR said reluctantly.

* * *

GIR sat on the couch, watching the multiple screens and monitors that the TV had divided itself into after GIR had reconfigured its settings. "Observing," he said to himself. "Observing. Observing! Observing!" GIR quickly grew frustrated. "Television is stupid! My _master_ is not utilizing me properly!" GIR exclaimed.

"I will show my... _master_ just how information gathering is done!" GIR declared as he turned his head to look out the window. He activated his zoom function and located a library not too far away. "An information center! _Excellent_ ," he said to himself with glee.

GIR leapt off the couch and entered an elevator. He made his way down into the base and accessed Storage Room 05. He quickly glanced around and grabbed a large information storage canister, also known as a data canister, strapping it to his back and entering the elevator again.

* * *

**At The Local Library...**

A young man walked up to the check-out counter of the library, holding a stack of DVD's. A scanning device flickered on and he turned to face it. A wave of light passed over his eyes for a few seconds. "Retinal Scan... _rejected!_ " announced the machine. The young man gasped in surprise.

The librarian chuckled. "I'm sorry but you have three discs overdue. It appears we'll have to confiscate your retinas _and_ your library card until they've been returned," she said with a smile. "B-But, but I-" The young man was interrupted by a loud banging on the library's front door. The door was then pushed open as GIR walked through.

"I require access to _all human knowledge!_ " he requested. "Hmm, uh, ooh, ah, hmm... oh, that would be under reference," the librarian said. "Unacceptable, library drone!" GIR declared before several metal tentacles and hoses shot forth from the canister, flying straight at the librarian.

* * *

**Back In The Bowels Of Quinn's Base...**

Quinn removed the hose from the police officer's mouth. She had donned her human disguise. The office quickly sat up and looked at his arms and legs. "My tentacles! Where are my tentacles!?" he asked in confusion and terror.

"Do not worry, officer," Quinn said calmly. "You are in a filthy Earth brain hospital. Your feelings are _completely normal_. There's a squid brain in your head!" Quinn announced with a smile. " _Calling unit twelve! Unit twelve! Come in, unit twelve!_ " the radio on the cop's uniform demanded.

"Aah!" the Squid-Officer yelled in panic. "Ergg... d'aaohh! Something's wrong. I can't shoot ink. Why can't I shoot ink anymore? What kind of squid can't shoot ink!?" Quinn raised an eyebrow at the man's behavior. " _Situation at the public library! Small metal child draining the brains of citizens!_ " said the operator on the radio.

"Small metal-GIR! What is he doing!?" Quinn snarled in anger. "Come on, we have to retrieve him," Quinn said as she grabbed the officer's hat and badge before placing them on her uniform and walking away. "Wait, take me back to the sea!" Squid-Man begged as he flopped onto the floor and wormed his way behind her.

* * *

As soon as the police cruiser pulled up to the library, Squid-Man walked out and screamed before jumping onto a wall, sucking on it with his mouth. Quinn walked forward into the entrance of the building, wearing the officer's badge and hat. "Attention, dirty humans, the police have arrived to-ew!" Quinn said in revulsion as she saw the carnage around her.

The metallic information absorbing tentacles had grabbed several humans' heads and computer ports. Data drives were being constantly filled up and then inserted into the data canister on GIR's back as he hovered in the air. "The knowledge; it fills me! It is neat," GIR said as he inserted more data into the canister, which was connected to his mainframe now.

"GIR, stop what you're doing! We need to get out of here before we're noticed... some more," Quinn said after seeing the humans around her. Many of them were lying on the ground, gurgling and groaning in pain. Some had blood-covered wounds from fighting the data tentacles and at least one human had been shoved into a trashcan. " _Help!_ " came a muffled cry from within the can.

"The data canister is not yet full! I must continue gathering information!" GIR declared. "You've gathered enough information for today. Let's go home and analyze it," Quinn said in an angry tone. "I command you to get out of here!" Quinn said as she walked forward, holding the behavioral modulator in her right hand.

GIR used a data tentacle to swipe the modulator from Quinn's hand and place it inside his head. GIR smirked at Quinn. "Hey, give that back!" Quinn demanded. "No," GIR replied calmly. Quinn raised an eyebrow. "GIR, I _order you_ to give that back!" Quinn ordered in anger and frustration.

"You are no commander; you are a threat to the mission!" GIR declared as he descended towards Quinn, causing the Irken female to back up. "Your methods are _stupid!_ Your progress has been _stupid!_ Your _intelligence_ is _stupid!_ " GIR declared, causing Quinn to growl. "For the sake of the mission, you must be _**terminated!**_ " GIR declared.

"You _dare_ speak to your master in such-" a laser blast at her feet interrupted her and Quinn jumped to the side. "Squid-Man, assist me!" Quinn yelled. Squid-Man detached himself from the wall and tried to shoot ink, to no success. "Aarg! I can't do it! I can't shoot ink! Squid!" Squid-Man cried in distress.

Quinn returned her attention to GIR, who fired more laser blasts from his eyes, carving a whole in the floor around Quinn. Quinn fell into the depths of the level beneath her, and looked up as GIR hovered over the hole in the floor. A piece of debris fell down and hit her head. "Ouch," Quinn muttered.

"GIR! Listen, we have to get out of here! You are malfunctioning!" Quinn cried. "Negative! I am functioning perfectly," GIR retorted. "It is _you_ who is not functioning properly. In order to complete this mission, I must remove the threat which you pose to it," GIR said in a calm yet menacing fashion as he narrowed his eyes. He then fired another laser blast at Quinn, who dodged it. She quickly ran away as GIR descended into the lower level.

* * *

Quinn crept through the various aisles of books. The entire lower level was dark, with no lights on except for the exit signs near the doors and elevators. Quinn stopped moving for a few seconds, listening for any sounds produced by GIR and the data canister. There was nothing.

Quinn carefully backed up against a book shelf and stepped slowly through an aisle, her eyes darting back and forth for any signs of GIR. She made it through three aisles of books before she heard a noise as a book fell to the floor. "Gaah! GIR, is that you!?" Quinn cried out in terror. When she heard no response, she sighed in relief and rounded a corner, only to come fact to face with GIR, who screamed wildly at the same time as her.

GIR quit screaming and smirked at Quinn, who was now trying to climb up a book rack. GIR fired a laser blast at Quinn, missing just as she fell down the other side. He fired three more blasts through the shelves, causing Quinn to duck and fall to the floor to avoid them. Quinn quickly got up and ran into a hallway nearby. GIR was close behind.

Quinn glanced behind her as she passed numerous doors in the hallway. She ducked as GIR fired another series of laser blasts at her. Using all of her momentum, Quinn leapt to the side and barged into an empty room. She quickly closed the door behind her and turned around, scanning the room for any means of escape.

She found a small bit of respite when she saw a ventilation duct, just large enough for her to fit in. When GIR cut the door open with his lasers, Quinn was nowhere to be found, and the hatch of the vent was lying on the floor. "Clever girl," GIR said calmly.

Meanwhile, Quinn carefully crawled through the air ducts, trying to make as little noise as possible. _These ducts are smaller than the ones in the high school_ , Quinn noted as she rounded a corner, accidentally bumping the vent too hard. She stayed absolutely still for a moment, even halting her breathing as she listened for any other sounds. Nervously gulping, Quinn quietly made her way over to the opening of another vent.

Carefully unscrewing the vent, she removed the cover and then plopped down into the room, scanning it for any places to hide. There was a door in front of her, and she quickly opened it, quietly looking out into the hallway for any sign of GIR. She quietly made her way over to a door marked "Viewing Center." Inside, she found several U-shaped rows of computers and seats.

Running past one row and entering another, Quinn halted just in front of a vending machine located between two rows of chairs and computers. She collapsed onto her knees and shook her fists in rage. "Curse you, snacks, curse youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Quinn screamed in anguish and rage. At that moment, the lights went out, causing Quinn to gasp. "Found you," GIR's voice said from behind her.

Quinn stood up and looked behind her as the lights slowly came on behind GIR, and only behind him. His eyes glowed an ominous red as a series of data tentacles shot forward and pushed Quinn against the vending machine, pinning her there. Two data tentacles inserted themselves into ports located on the computer rows, bringing the connected monitors to life.

GIR's face soon appeared on all of the monitors as he stared down Quinn. Quinn looked at all of the faces on the monitors before looking back at the real one. "GIR, please," Quinn begged.

"For the good of the mission," GIR said. "Um, you know, Stacey and Daria are threats to the mission," Quinn said, thinking fast. "Maybe you could kill them first?" she asked him. "No. They will be dealt with at the appropriate time. You, however, must be taken care of first," GIR said. "Please, GIR, you're malfunctioning, can't you understand that?" Quinn asked him.

"Negative. I am performing at a normal SIR unit's function level. You wanted a proper SIR unit, and now you have one," GIR said with a grin. _Is that why they gave me this unit? To protect me from normal SIR units? My Tallest, I truly did not appreciate your gift of mercy_ , Quinn thought to herself sadly.

"GIR," Quinn said sadly, "You were my servant once; don't you remember?" GIR nodded his head in remembrance. "Yes. I didn't like it," GIR replied with a frown as his eyes began to glow brighter, illuminating the area. _I have failed you, My Tallest._

He began charging up for a final, fatal blast, staring at Quinn, who shut her eyes to block the brightness of GIR's deathly glow. "Please, GIR, don't do it," Quinn begged. "It will be over shortly," GIR said with a smile.

"Hey, look at me!" cried the Squid-Man. "What the-aack!" GIR cried as he turned his head and received a blast of ink to the eyes. "My ink! I managed to shoot ink! Squid!" Squid-Man exclaimed happily. "Can't see! Get it off, get it off!" GIR cried as he rubbed at his eyes frantically.

The data tentacles loosed their grip enough for Quinn to slip out and rush forward, leaping onto GIR and opening his head, grabbing the behavioral modulator from inside. GIR shook her off, throwing her to the ground. He managed to get the ink out of his eyes and swung a tentacle at Squid-Man, throwing him against the wall.

"Now, for you!" GIR said as he returned his focus to Quinn. Quinn rotated the dial back to GIR's "normal" setting, causing his color scheme to return to bluish green and descend to the ground. He detached from the data canister and fell face-first onto the floor. "Hi, floor! Make me a sammich!" GIR cried out happily.

"That's... _better_... I guess," Quinn said to herself. She got up and dusted herself off before walking over to GIR. "GIR," Quinn said, causing the robot to stand up and look at her with a goofy grin. "Hi, Mastah! Ooh, where are we!?" GIR asked excitedly. "We're... on a mission, GIR," Quinn said. "Ooh! What kinda mission?" GIR asked. "We're taking this... _Squid-Man_ back to his home," Quinn said.

Squid-Man smiled from his place in the wall. "Yes! The ocean! My home!" Squid-Man cried out ecstatically. "Then we goin' home too?" GIR asked Quinn. "Yes, GIR," she said softly as she looked at her idiotic and insane robot companion. "Yes. We'll be going home too. After we return him to the ocean... where he can tell no one about what he's seen," Quinn said, finishing with a serious tone. "Yaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" GIR cried.

* * *

**Later, At A Beach...**

Squid-Man walked forward, feeling the soft sand underneath his feet as he approached the glorious moon-lit ocean. "I'm... I'm home!" he cried out dramatically. "I'm _**HOME!**_ " He turned to look at GIR and Quinn.

"Thank you. Thank you so much!" Squid-Man said with a tearful smile. "Whyyy!?" GIR cried tearfully as he turned to hug Quinn. "Why does he have to go!?" "Because, GIR, he... uh, has to," Quinn replied. "Oh, okay!" GIR cried happily. "You know, it really was great getting to know you," Squid-Man said. "The car wreck, the library chase, and then that gruesome and horrific battle with the alien spider king that took place on the way to this beach," Squid-Man finished with a smile on his face before he wiped away a tear.

"Yes. Now, into the ocean with you where you can tell _no one_ of these things," Quinn said as she waved her hand dismissively. Squid-Man turned around and smiled. "I'm coming home! I'm coming home!" he cried out as he ran forward and jumped into the water, swimming out into the distance, before a horrific cry of terror reached Quinn and GIR's ears.

"Aw, he's gettin' eaten by a shark," GIR said happily. Quinn raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at GIR. GIR looked up and smiled at her. Quinn nervously smiled back. "Yeah, how nice," Quinn said before she began walking back to the Voot Cruiser. "Come on, GIR. We're going home now," she said.

* * *

**Later, Inside The Massive...**

"Look, for the last time, a donut with holes inside of the ring is just a stupid idea," Tallest Red said to Tallest Purple. "Is not! You're just jealous that you didn't think of it first," Purple retorted as he turned his back against Red. "Sirs, we have an incoming transmission from Earth," a communications officer announced. Red sighed.

"Put it onscreen," he said tiredly. " _Hello, My Tallest!_ " Quinn said. "Hello, Quinn," Red said with forced enthusiasm. " _My Tallest, I just wish to say... thank you,_ " Quinn said sincerely. "Um... for what?" Red asked her. " _For giving me GIR instead of a normal SIR unit,_ " Quinn replied.

Red and Purple both raised an eyebrow at this. "Um... isn't he insane?" Red asked. " _Yes, and that makes him perfect. Any other SIR unit would have already tried to kill me by now, most likely out of jealousy of my superiority and greatness. GIR, however, is too crazy to care about any of that, and so I must thank you for making the subtle, yet profound, effort to keep me alive,_ " Quinn replied with a genuine smile.

Red and Purple's jaws dropped. "Um... you're... uh, welcome," Red said, flabbergasted. " _Invader Quinn, signing off,_ " Quinn said before ending the transmission. Red and Purple stared at each other in amazement. "We could have... gah dammit!" Red exclaimed. "Why didn't we give her a normal SIR unit!? Our problems would have been over before she even _reached_ planet Earth!" Red yelled in frustration as he left the bridge. Purple chuckled, before remembering that he too had agreed with the plan to give GIR to Quinn.

He then sighed in defeat. "Hey," he asked a communications officer. The officer turned away from his station and blinked in surprise. "What do you think of donuts that have holes in their rings?"

* * *

Ending Theme: Date of Rebirth, by Origa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second episode of Invader Quinn Season 02. The next episode will focus on Stacey, Andrea, and Daria as they learn about Andrea's family history, and Tak's past.


	3. The Lost Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daria and Stacey spend Thanksgiving with Jane at the Membrane house. Meanwhile, Quinn experiments with exploding weasels!

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 015/2-003: The Lost Girl

* * *

Wednesday, November 25th, 2097

"I'm sorry, girls, but I have to work on Thanksgiving, and Jake has to go to that conference in Connecticut," Helen Morgendorffer said to her daughters at the kitchen table. "But... you guys didn't spend Thanksgiving with us last year either, or the year before that, or the year before _that_ ," Stacey said with disappointment.

"I... I'm sorry, but the case I'm working on could determine if I make partner, and if I make partner, then I'll have the money to afford being able to take more time off," Helen said to them. "Mom, how many cases does Mr. Schrecter say could make you a partner, only for him to completely forget about that afterwards?" Daria asked her mother.

"What are you getting at?" Helen asked her, confused. "Nothing, Mom," Daria said with a tired sigh before she finished her waffles. "Stacey?" Helen asked as she saw her daughter poke at her waffles with a fork. "I'm not very hungry right now," Stacey said quietly as she got up and left the kitchen. Helen sighed. "Daria, I promise I'll try to be there next Thanksgiving," Helen said to her eldest daughter.

Daria glared at Helen. "Mom, that's exactly what you've said every single year for the past five years. Don't say it again unless you absolutely mean it," Daria said before she got up and took her plate over to the sink. "But, I-" "Not unless you mean it," Daria said as she walked away into the living room. Helen sighed and rested her head on the table.

* * *

**Inside Quinn's Base...**

"Hmm... Thanksgiving," Quinn said to herself as she read several pages of a report her computer had compiled for her on the Earth holiday. "If only I had tried to fill turkeys full of sewage instead of cows, then my plan would have worked," Quinn said to herself. "Cows are my-" "Yes, cows are your friends. I know," Quinn interrupted GIR.

"Computer, begin analyzing and compiling data on the next major Earth holiday that occurs after this one. Oh, and how are the exploding weasels coming along?" Quinn asked. " **Um, temperature regulation is at nominal levels, and the weasels should be ready within forty-eight hours,** " The Computer said. "Excellent," Quinn responded.

* * *

** At The Membrane Household... **

"So, I was able to get off tomorrow for Thanksgiving," Tak said to her daughter as she ate her breakfast. Andrea raised an eyebrow. "That's... cool," Andrea said before she took another bite out of her pancake. "So... any friends you want to bring over, or do you still insist on hogging all of the food to yourself?" Tak asked humorously.

"Uh... well, I don't really know," Andrea said. "You don't know if you have friends? Andrea, I'm pretty sure that Stacey girl and her sister are your friends," Tak said. "Well, Jane's family is hardly ever together for the holidays, so maybe I could invite her, but she usually hangs out with Daria, so I don't know if they'd both be willing to come over," Andrea replied.

"Well, just give them the offer anyway. It won't kill you," Tak said. "I'll... think about it," Andrea replied before finishing her breakfast. "Oh, do you want me to give you a lift to school, just for today?" Tak asked her daughter. "Um, thanks, but, uh..." "What? Is it _uncool_ to be seen being dropped off at school by your parents?" Tak asked.

Andrea averted her eyes briefly. "I see," Tak said with a hint of sadness. "Well, I won't be getting home until late, so... take care," Tak said as she got up from the table and left the kitchen. Andrea grabbed her backpack and deposited her plate in the sink.

* * *

**Later, At Lawndale High School...**

"And so, STUDENTS," Mr. Anthony DeMartino said to his class, "TODAY, you will be getting RELEASED from this DUNGEON EARLY!" Several students cheered and smiled. "BUT, you are not GETTING OUT just yet, so STAY SEATED and pay ATTENTION!" Mr. DeMartino glared at Kevin Thompson in particular as he said this.

**Meanwhile, In Miss Bitters' Room...**

"And so, we give thanks to the natives for not realizing that we would later screw them over and steal their land, destroy their culture in our attempts to force them to assimilate during the 1800's, and create what would later be known as the Trail of Tears," Miss Bitters said. "For more information, please see the 1993 film, Addams Family Values," Miss Bitters said.

* * *

"So," Jane began as she and Daria walked to their lockers after their final class, "What are your plans for the weekend?" "Eh, I'll probably just sit around at home with Stacey. It's what we did last year, and the year before," Daria replied flatly. Jane could detect a hint of bitterness in Daria's voice, however.

"So, your parents aren't home for the holidays much either," Jane said. "Not really," Daria replied. "Well, you could always hang out with me and Trent, although the only meal you'd be getting is pizza," Jane offered. "I can't exactly say no to pizza," Daria said in response.

Daria looked over Jane's shoulder and noticed Andrea walking towards them. "Hey," Daria said to her. "Hey," Andrea replied. "Um, listen, I know that Jane's parents aren't ever home for the holidays and I was wondering... do you guys wanna... um, hang out at my place for Thanksgiving tomorrow?" Andrea asked with a hint of nervousness.

"Um... sure. Daria?" Jane asked. "Why not?" Daria replied. Andrea felt the faintest hint of a smile forming on her face. "Um, you can bring Stacey along too," Andrea added. "Sure, but, you never ask anyone to hang out on your own," Jane noted. "Yeah, my mom was nagging me this morning to invite some friends over," Andrea replied.

"Wait, you hang out with Stacey all the time. Don't you ever invite her to hang out with you?" Daria asked her. "Um, not really. _She's_ usually the one who approaches me and drags me into things, at least she has since Halloween," Andrea said. "Oh. Well, as long as she isn't planning to get back at Quinn for the Bologna Incident, she'll probably say yes," Daria said.

* * *

"Sure!" Stacey said. "Um, great," Andrea replied. "I'll, uh, let my mom know after she gets home tonight," Andrea said as she and Stacey walked outside. "You know, this will actually be the first family dinner that I've attended with _anyone_ since my mom started working at that law firm!" Stacey said enthusiastically.

"You... seem pretty happy about that," Andrea noted. "Of course! So, what are we eating?" Stacey asked her. "Dinner will be around five or six, but lunch-" "I asked what, not when," Stacey interjected. "Oh. Um, I know there'll be turkey, and... mashed potatoes, corn, biscuits, ham, green beans, maybe pizza if Aunt-Stacey?" Andrea asked as she saw Stacey's drooling mouth and hungry stare.

"Uh-huh?" Stacey replied. "Um, you're drooling," Andrea said. "Huh? Oh," Stacey said as she wiped her chin with her coat. "You... you really haven't eaten a meal like this in a very long time, have you?" Andrea asked her. "No," Stacey replied, embarrassed. "Our parents aren't very good at cooking either. Mom either always makes lasagna or gets takeout or carryout, and Dad; he somehow thinks that it's a good idea to cook the food that he ate at Buxton Ridge Military Academy, even though he constantly spouts how much he hated it there," Stacey explained.

"What's worse is that he likes to make his on experimental additions to the food, and it just makes the food worse than it already is," Stacey added. "Yikes," Andrea said. "Yeah. He just doesn't understand that chili peppers and peppercorn don't go well with everything," Stacey said with a frown.

* * *

Quinn entered the front door of her base and looked around. After closing the door, she took off her disguise and made her way to an elevator. Descending into the lower depths of the base, she stepped out into the lab and asked for a status report on the weasel experiment.

" **Progress is nominal,** " The Computer replied. "Good, they're stable," Quinn said with a smile. "Now, to prepare for tomorrow, when I shall unleash the weasels upon this filthy town," she added. " **Um, Quinn, they won't be ready until the day after** -" "Silence! In order to use them to their maximum potential, we must use the element of surprise and unleash them before the enemy anticipates the attack," Quinn interrupted.

" **But, Quinn, no one knows about the weasels. No one is going to suspect anything,** " The Computer said. "I don't pay you to talk back to me!" Quinn snapped. " **You don't pay me _at all_ ,**" The Computer retorted. "I don't care! Tomorrow, we unleash the vermin!"

* * *

Date: Thursday, November 26th, 2097

Andrea Membrane woke up to find her mother and father both downstairs, already working on preparing the food. She walked back upstairs and went to the bathroom. After returning to her room and getting dressed, she opened her bedroom door to see her mother standing in the hallway.

"Morning," Andrea said to her mom. "Good morning," Tak replied with a smirk. "Your father told me that you got three people to come over today," Tak said. "Um, yeah," Andrea responded. "So, what time will they be arriving?" Tak asked her daughter. "I... don't really know," Andrea said sheepishly.

"Well, why don't you call them up and ask them when they want us to pick them up," Tak suggested. "Uh, sure," Andrea said. "I'll be waiting downstairs," Tak said as she turned around. _What's up with Mom?_

* * *

Daria had just started on her second pancake when her cell phone rang. "Hello?" she asked after seeing the caller ID. " _Hey, Daria. It's Andrea. Um, what time do you guys want to come over?_ " "Uh, well, do you want us to arrive before dinner?" Daria asked in response.

" _Um, I guess I should ask my mom about that. Hold on while I go get her,_ " Andrea said over the phone. Daria waited for a minute until she heard Andrea's voice faintly in the background. " _Um, she says you guys can have her pick you up whenever you want,_ " Andrea replied over the phone.

"Um, I guess around lunch, so noon?" Daria suggested. " _What about Jane?_ " Andrea asked her. "Let me call Jane and ask her. I'll call you right back," Daria said. After hearing Andrea hang up, Daria dialed Jane's cell number. " _Hello?_ " came the groggy reply after the third ring. "Jane, you're actually awake," Daria said with a hint of surprise.

" _No thanks to you calling me. What's up?_ " Jane asked over the phone. "Andrea's mom is offering to pick us up today to take us over to their place. Will you be ready by noon or d you need more time?" Daria asked. " _What time is it now?_ " Jane asked. "It's currently nine in the morning," Daria replied.

" _Huh, that is pretty early,_ " Jane said. "Um, not really. It's actually pretty normal for people to wake up between eight and nine on holidays or weekends," Daria replied. " _Well, I meant early for me, or anyone in my family, except my dad, and possibly Penny,_ " Jane said in response.

"Hey, speaking of Penny, have you heard from her recently?" Daria asked. " _Uh, yeah. I received a card in the mail from her this week, wishing me a happy Thanksgiving. In fact, Penny's the only sibling or parent to say anything about it. Trent doesn't count because he lives with me,_ " Jane said.

"Did she say if she finally got rid of that annoying parrot she brought back with her?" Daria asked. " _Um, no. She didn't say anything about the status of Sir Squawks-A-Lot,_ " Jane replied. "Well, getting back on track, is noon time okay with you?" Daria asked her again.

" _Uh, sure. Should I head over to your place or just stay here?_ " Jane asked. "Which do you want to do?" Daria asked her in response. " _Let me flip a coin... if I can find one. I'll let you know in a few minutes._ " Jane said. "Okay," Daria replied before hanging up.

* * *

**Noon, Morgendorffer House...**

Daria looked out the window as she saw the car approaching the driveway. "Hey, Stacey, she's here," Daria said to her sister, who was sitting down on the couch watching Mysterious Mysteries. "It's noon already?" Stacey asked in surprise. Daria looked over at Jane, who was sleeping next to Stacey on the couch.

Daria walked over and gently shoved Jane's shoulder. "Hey, it's time to wake up," Daria said flatly. "Huh?" Jane asked groggily. "It's noon. Andrea's mom is here to pick us up," Daria said. Jane blinked. "Oh, yeah. Right, let's go," she said as she got up and stretched.

Stacey turned off the TV and got up while Daria walked over and opened the front door. She made sure that she had the spare house key in her jacket. "Hello," Tak said as she stood in front of Daria. "Hello," Daria replied. "Ah, saving me a trip, are we?" Tak asked as she saw Jane walking towards the entrance of the house.

"So, are all three of you ready to make Andrea share her food?" Tak asked with a grin. "Um... sure," Daria replied. "Well, come on. Oh, by the way, what time should I drop you guys back off here?" Tak asked them. "Um, you don't have to do that, Mrs. Membrane. We can just as easily walk back," Jane said.

"Very well," Tak said as she walked back over to the car and got in the driver's seat. "Are you all just going to stand there?" she asked them. The trio made their way over to the car and got in. Tak backed the car out of the drive way and took off for her home.

* * *

**The Membrane Household...**

Andrea was sitting down watching TV when the front door opened. She looked over and saw her mom walking inside with Daria, Jane, and Stacey. "Andrea, look at what I found," Tak said with a smirk. "You can't keep them," Andrea said with a small smile. Jane snickered at the dialogue between Andrea and Tak.

" _Trumpy, you can do **stupid** stuff_ _!_ " Tak turned to look at the TV. "Hey," Dib said as he walked out of the kitchen, "I can't find the double-sized fryer pan for the turkey. Should we just go with the oven instead?" "I told you this morning that it was in the basement," Tak said. "Yeah, but you didn't say where at in the basement," Dib replied.

Tak sighed. "Andrea, go help your father find the fryer. I'll show the girls around the house real quick, and then I'll join you guys. "Um, I can help," Stacey volunteered. "Uh, you don't have to," Dib said. "No, it's okay. I want to help," Stacey insisted. "Well, having a third set of hands won't hurt," Andrea said as she got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen.

Stacey followed her and they both walked down the stairs after Dib opened the door to the basement. Tak looked back over at Daria and Jane. "So, where do you want to start the tour?" she asked them. "Um, what is this room called?" Jane asked facetiously. "This, dear, Jane, is called a kitchen. It's where food is prepared," Tak said.

"Wow. That's amazing," Jane said with a smirk. "Definitely," Daria chimed in. Tak snickered at their attitude. "Now, let me show you the upstairs," Tak said as she led them out of the kitchen and into the living room.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Stacey and Andrea were helping Dib look around for a large double-fryer. Stacey ended up walking over to a door with writing on it that wasn't in English. It was, however, familiar to her. Andrea looked over at her and saw her staring at the door. "Um, Stacey, I don't think it's going to be in there," Andrea said.

"In where?" Dib asked as he walked over and saw where Stacey was standing. "Oh, um, yeah. It's not going to be in there. That's just the-" "Prohibited Room?" Andrea asked. "Um... how did you know?" Dib replied. "Well, that's what Quinn told me it said when we got trapped in that nightmare realm and had to search here for some way out," Andrea explained.

"Quinn could read this?" Stacey asked her. "Wait, that's where I've seen this!" Stacey exclaimed. "This is written in _Irken!_ But, why is there a door with words written in Irken on it in your house?" Stacey asked as she turned around to look at Dib and Andrea.

"You know, she does have a good point," Andrea said as she turned to face her father. "Um, about that... see, why don't we let your mother explain it," Dib said nervously. "Dad, why do we have a room with alien writing on the door?" Andrea asked again.

"Your mother and I were hoping that this could wait until either you turned eighteen or graduated from high school," Dib said with a sigh. "Let me show you something," he said as he went over and unlocked the door. Opening it, he walked inside and turned on the lights.

Stacey walked over first and pointed at something that immediately caught her view. "Is that... is that one of those robots, like GIR?" Stacey asked as she saw the SIR unit that was sitting on a chair. "Yeah, that's a SIR unit. It belongs to Tak," Dib said as he walked over to the little lifeless robot.

"Her name is Mimi," he said as he looked at the one arm that was larger than the other. "Tak built it herself before she came to Earth," Dib said as he dusted it off. He turned to look at Andrea, who was glancing between him and the robot. There was the briefest look of recognition on her face at seeing it. "We were planning to give her to you after you graduated, or when you turned eighteen," Dib explained.

"Wait, how did Mom build a-what is it again?" Andrea asked. "A SIR unit. It stands for Standard Information Retrieval unit. At least, that's what Tak told me," Dib explained. "But, why do you have one in your house?" Stacey asked. Dib sighed. "Come on, let's go upstairs and we can let Tak explain this. It's best if you hear both of our perspectives on the story," Dib said as he led the girls out of the room, shutting off the light and locking the door behind him.

As he turned around, he saw the double fryer sitting near the bottom of the steps. "Oh, there it is," he said absentmindedly as he picked up the double fryer and carefully dragged it up the stairs with him. He told Stacey and Andrea to wait in the living room while he set up the double fryer.

Meanwhile, Tak arrived in the living room a few minutes later, noticing Stacey and Andrea sitting on the couch. The TV was still on, but neither girl was really paying attention to it. She found that odd. "So, did Dib find the double fryer?" Tak asked them. Andrea looked up at her mother and nodded her head. "Good, I told him it was-what's wrong?" Tak asked her daughter, noticing the strange look on Andrea's face.

"Um, we found something downstairs," Andrea said. Tak raised an eyebrow before glancing toward the kitchen. "Okay. What did you find?" Tak asked them. "Mrs. Membrane, why is there a SIR unit in your basement?" Stacey asked her. Tak's eyes widened in surprise.

"So, you found Mimi," she said. "Mom, why is there an alien robot in the basement, and why does the door to that room have alien writing on it?" Andrea asked her. "You want the truth?" Tak asked her. "Yes," Andrea replied. "Very well. Here's the truth: I'm a former Irken invader," Tak said bluntly as she plopped down into a chair in the living room.

"Former?" Stacey asked. Tak looked over at the stairs. "Daria, Jane; take a seat, and maybe get some snacks. This could take a while. Hey, Dib! If you're done in there, then get out here! We've got a lot to explain," Tak shouted. "Yes, Honey," Dib said as he washed his hands in the kitchen sink.

"Now, do you want the full story or an abridged version, because either one is pretty damn long," Tak said. "But, what does former mean?" Stacey asked. "Um, I'm confused," Jane blurted out as Dib walked into the living room. "Dib, go get Mimi. Don't activate her, just... bring her up here. It'll help me explain things," Tak said softly.

"Are you sure?" Dib asked her. "Yes, I'm sure," Tak said as she glanced over at him. Dib nodded his head and walked back into the kitchen, heading down into the basement.

"Now, Stacey. Former means that I'm no longer and Irken invader. Nor am I really an Irken either," Tak said. "Wait, Irken? That sounds familiar," Jane said. "Quinn is an Irken," Daria said. "Remember the parent-teacher night? She called herself a member of the Irken Elite," Daria said. "Oh, yeah, now I remember," Jane said.

"Elite? Please," Tak snorted. " _I_ was one of the Irken Elite. That little maniac, Quinn, however, seems more like... tell me, what do you know about her?" Tak asked Daria. "Well, I remember her saying that she spent a few years as a food service drone on some food court planet or something," Daria said. "Foodcourtia," Tak said. "You know it?" Daria asked.

"Of course I do. Every Irken has been to Foodcourtia at least once, whether by choice or by station encoding from a control brain," Tak said. "I'm willing to bet that Quinn's PAK probably still has her encoded as a food service drone, too," Tak said thoughtfully. "Mom, I'm really confused," Andrea said.

"Did you not just hear me admit that I was once an Irken invader?" Tak asked her daughter. "I did, but if you were an alien, then how are you a human right now? How the hell was I even born?" Andrea asked her. "Andrea, this body of mine... I grew it in a lab and when it was mature enough, I transferred my personality from my PAK into it," Tak explained.

"Of course, in order for the transfer to work successfully, I had to ensure that there was still some Irken DNA in it," Tak said. "Wait, does this mean... am I not entirely human?" Andrea asked her. "No, Andrea. You're not entirely human. You're more human than I am, but you still have Irken DNA in your blood," Tak said softly.

"Okay," they heard Dib say as he came back upstairs. "Here she is," he said, carrying Mimi in his arms as he walked into the living room. Tak's face held an expression of nostalgia about it as she looked at Mimi's form. "Do you want to hold her?" Dib asked. "Funny, I remember asking you that same question sixteen years ago, but not about Mimi," Tak said.

"Is that thing real?" Jane asked. "Miss Lane, Mimi is more than just a ' _thing_ ,' she is one of the most important creations I have ever... created. She was my sole companion for years, until I arrived on Earth, and even then... she was my best friend," Tak said as Dib handed the small robot to her. "When you graduate or turn eighteen, whichever you decide, Mimi will be yours," Tak said to Andrea.

"One day, Andrea, some of this will be yours," Jane said. "So, I get a robot?" Andrea asked her mom. "No, just the curtains," Jane said with a snicker. "Good reference, but let's stay focused," Tak said. "Dib, go check on the food. Make sure none of it's exploded, and call your sister to see if she's decided to stay at her place this year or if she's coming over," Tak said.

"Got it," Dib said as he fished out his cell phone from his pants pockets and walked into the kitchen. "So, who wants to hear an abridged version of the story of how Andrea's father and I met, tried to kill each other, and then fell in love?" Tak asked gleefully.

"Wait, I want to know why you decided to stop being an invader," Stacey said, wary of Tak now that she knew the truth. "You want the answer to that? Well, you'll have to listen to my story," Tak said. "Our story," Dib interjected as he walked back from the kitchen. "And uh, yeah, Gaz is coming over. She's bringing pizza with her... again," Dib said.

"Again? Can she go one day without eating a single slice of pizza?" Tak asked him in disbelief. "Well, yes, but she just chooses not to. She's stubborn like that. If we ask her not to, you know that she'll just eat more in order to spite us," Dib said. "Unfortunately," Tak said in agreement. "Hey, remember last year, when she tried to make a turkey pizza?" Dib asked her. Tak snickered. "Ah-ha! And then, when she tried putting the potatoes on the-ha! The look on her face when she bit into it was just, oh, I wish I'd taken a picture of that," Tak said wistfully.

"Um, guys? The, uh, story about the aliens and robots and stuff?" Jane said. "Oh, right," Tak said. Just then, Dib's phone went off. He grabbed it and walked into the kitchen. "Well, for me, it began after I screwed up on a mission," Tak said.

* * *

** Decades Earlier, On The Irken Military Training Planet, Devastis... **

Tak, a small green Irken, sat on a chair in a small room. She fidgeted nervously as she watched the light above the door change from red to green. The door slid open and she saw two guards walk into the room. "Come with us," one of them said. She followed without a word as they led her through the corridors of the training academy.

They soon ended up in a large circular room with wide windows and two figures hovering just above the floor. "My Tallest," Tak said with reverence as she knelt before them. "Ah, yes," Tallest Red said with a smile. "Tak, I believe?" he asked her. "That is my name," Tak replied with a nod of her head.

"So, this is, what, your fifth mission so far? You seem to have done just fine on the other four, but what happened on this one? You were showing such promise," Red said in a disappointed tone. Purple merely munched on some chips as he let his counterpart talk.

* * *

**Back In The Present...**

"Wait," Stacey asked, "Your leaders are just... _taller_ than everyone else?" "Hush," Daria said with a frown. "Yes. Irkens value height and physical strength over such trivial things as facial complexion and how many of your ribs can be seen through your skin," Tak said with a hint of disgust. "Stupid human beauty standards," she muttered.

* * *

**Back In The Past...**

"Invader Tak. You are a member of the Irken Elite, and yet you have screwed up in a manner so completely... _not_ elite, that I am almost willing to send you to Foodcourtia as a temporary punishment," Tallest Red said. "Yeah," Purple chimed in. "You can make snacks for us as an apology." Red frowned and glared at Purple. "What?" he asked.

"My Tallest. I... I am aware of the magnitude of my failure. What is to be my fate?" Tak asked nervously. The Almighty Tallest were the most powerful Irkens in the Irken military. Her very future was literally in their hands. "Well, Foodcourtia is really... not worthy of someone of your skill level, and your past successes have definitely given us plenty of resources," Red said thoughtfully.

"Hey, what about planet Dirt, or Hobo 13? We could send her there," Purple suggested. "Hmm, Dirt _is_ in serious need of more janitorial staff," Red said before he turned to look at Tak with a smirk. "Of course, there's the dust storms, and carnivorous cave-dwelling beasts, and the various junk and scrap lying around," Red added with a smile.

"Until we are convinced that you can properly execute another mission without screwing up, you will be re-encoded as a janitor on planet Dirt. Hopefully, this will only be temporary, provided that we don't forget about you, that is," Red said with a smirk. "I... I am grateful to be allowed to live, My Tallest," Tak said as she bowed her head before standing up and saluting them.

"Good. Now, let's see if that shrine for Tallest Miyuki was torn down and replaced with that giant snack bunker that I wanted," Red said as he and Purple floated away. "I hope they have pretzels," Purple said with a smile. "Me too," Red agreed.

* * *

** In The Present... **

"I don't understand any of this," Jane said. "It's quite simple," Daria said. "She screwed up on a mission of some kind, and they punished her by demoting her and making her do cleanup work on some dirtball," Daria explained. "Very good. You catch on quickly," Tak said with a smirk. "Of course, I spent at least five years on Dirt. During that time, I managed to scrounge up enough scrap that I was able to fix up a Spittle Runner, and I found enough parts lying around that I was able to put together and patch up a make-shift SIR unit, who I named Mimi," Tak said as she looked at the SIR in her arms.

"I still remember the first time I turned her on," Tak said with a smile. "It was... joyous for me. Making Mimi was the first thing I did that didn't end in failure after that mission that I had botched. I finished the Spittle Runner about two years after Mimi's activation," Tak said.

"So, why is she shut off right now?" Daria asked her. "Oh, she's in hibernation right now, actually. I've never actually shut her off completely," Tak said. "Okay, so, after you built your... Spit Runner, what happened?" Jane asked.

* * *

** Planet Dirt... **

"Mimi, check the fuel levels, and the reserve air canisters," Tak said as she prepared her Spittle Runner for its first flight. "I'm getting off of this planet," Tak said to herself as she looked out at an approaching dust storm. "Mimi! Are we ready!?" Tak yelled. Mimi sent a signal through Tak's psychic implant.

"Good!" Tak exclaimed as she saw the engine levels rising. "Come on, don't fall apart on me," Tak whispered. She had spent two years patching this ship together, with Mimi helping her along the way. She'd put up with enough of this planet's miserable inhabitants, not to mention the horrors of the cave-dwelling beasts and multi-legged worms that swam through sand and preyed upon anything that entered their territory.

The Spittle Runner lit up and began to move. "Yes! Yes!" Tak cried in relief. She looked down at the proximity sensor and saw the images of Janitorial Commander Drull leading a team towards her. "Come on, push forward!" she cried as she used the controls to move the ship forward. There was a shudder and the Spittle Runner soon lifted up into the air. "Move! Move!" Tak shouted as she willed the machine to move forward.

Looking back at the screen, she saw her fellow Irkens become smaller as she flew away, until they weren't even dots on the screen anymore. The Spittle Runner soared into the air, flying through a dust cloud and into the upper portions of the atmosphere, eventually flying into space. Tak sat back and let out a breath of relief as the adrenaline faded.

"We did it, Mimi. We escaped," Tak said with a smile as she looked over at her SIR unit. Mimi nodded her head in agreement before sitting down and looking around. "Okay. Where do we go first?" Tak asked Mimi. Mimi tilted her head.

"Well, of course I can go _anywhere_ , but I want somewhere specific," Tak replied to the robot's psychic wave. Mimi shrugged and looked out the window of the cockpit. "Wait... we'll find the Tallest and demand that I be given a second chance, or at least have them send me somewhere better than Dirt," Tak said.

Mimi snapped her head over to look at Tak in confusion. "I know it sounds stupid, but I will not take this sitting down. I am a member of the Irken Elite! I am one of the best of the military class that our empire has to offer, and I will not let my skills and talents go to waste!" Tak exclaimed.

Mimi tilted her head and folded her arms. "Fine, I'll lay low for a short while, but if we wait too long, then this will be for nothing. I am _not_ a coward!" Tak exclaimed. Mimi shook her head and looked away. "Mimi... I need to do this. I _need_ to face them again. To not do so would be the coward's way, and I am no coward," Tak said firmly.

* * *

** Back In The Present... **

"A month later, I was able to make my way back to Irk, where I found the Tallest and asked them to give me another chance," Tak said. "I suppose they were simply eager to get rid of me, so they sent me here, to this at-the-time uncharted system. They'd already sent one other Irken here before, but they hadn't heard from him since his exile," Tak said.

"Wait, there's a third Irken running around here?" Stacey asked. "Not anymore. I haven't seen or heard from him since our final battle, almost fourteen years ago," Tak replied. "I don't think he's still alive, but then again, he was remarkably resilient, and... we never did find his body," she said thoughtfully.

"Okay, the potatoes are cooking and the turkeys are frying," Dib said as he came back into the living room. "Hey Dad, who was this Irken that you and Mom fought?" Andrea asked. "Huh? Oh, _him,_ " Dib said with distaste in his voice.

"Zim," Tak said. "That's important to our story, but it'll have to wait until we explain a bit more groundwork," Tak said. "So, where did I leave off?" Tak asked. "You had convinced your leaders to give you another chance and they sent you here," Daria said. "Ah yes, our fateful meeting," Tak said.

"I remember that day," Dib said with a smile. "It was the last day of middle school, year twenty seventy-one. I had managed to go the whole school day without being made fun of for once," he added. "A very rare feat for you in your youth," Tak quipped with a smirk.

* * *

Date: Friday, June 6th, 2071

Dib Membrane looked outside as he exited the doors of Lawndale Middle School. Today was the last day of the school year, and he had three months of freedom waiting for him until high school started. "Free at last," he said to himself with glee. Walking home, he was about to turn a corner on the sidewalk when he noticed something on the other side of the street. It was a small black cat with red eyes, staring at him. A car drove by and the cat disappeared from sight.

"Huh," he said as he shrugged his shoulders. He continued his trek toward home almost failing to notice the girl who stepped in front of him. She had pale skin, short dark blue hair in a bob cut, a black and grey striped outfit with a purple oval containing a triangle and circle on top, and purple eyes.

"Um, hi," Dib said. "Hello," she replied. Dib noticed that her voice had an accent, most likely European. "I, uh, haven't seen you around before," Dib said. "No. I... just moved here not too long ago," she replied. "Oh. Hey, I'm Dib. What's your name?" he asked her. "It's... Tak," she replied hesitantly. "Tak, huh?" Dib asked. "It's, uh, short for Takara," she explained.

"Takara? Hmm, that's a nice name," Dib complimented. "Um... thanks," Tak said. "So, where are ya' heading?" Dib asked her. "Oh, just looking around my new... home," Tak said as she glanced around. Soon, the black cat from earlier returned, moving faster than the eye could process and perching itself on Tak's shoulder. "Aw, Mimi. I told you to stay at home," Tak said with a smile.

"Well, I was going to do a bit more exploring, but I need to make sure that Mimi is safe at home, so... um, bye," Tak said as she turned around. "Uh, bye," Dib said. He didn't know what it was, but there was something strange about that cat, especially with the way it turned its head to glare at him as Tak walked away.

* * *

** The Present... **

"That's it?" Andrea asked. "That's the story of how you guys met?" "Yeah, I was kind of expecting something a bit more... dramatic or weird," Jane said. "There was plenty of weird drama later as we got to know each other through high school," Dib said in response. "But, the thing is... we initially started off as merely acquaintances, and then enemies, and then partners united through a common goal. Through our adventures, we eventually became more than just friends, although by my second year of living on Earth, I had begun to realize that this place would end up becoming my permanent home," Tak said.

"So, by the beginning of my second year, I began working on an organic body to transfer my mind into. I had also noticed, of course, that as I adapted to the food and atmosphere of the Earth, I was beginning to grow in height," Tak continued. "I had also begun to realize that while this planet might in fact be easy to conquer, I was... reluctant to pursue that course of action. At first I simply told myself that I was taking my time and gathering information, but after a while, I had to face the truth: I didn't want to conquer the Earth anymore," Tak said.

"Of course, there were occasions when I _did_ consider reducing the planet to cinders, such as those few months when I decided to get a job as a food service drone at MacMeaty's," Tak said. "You worked in fast food?" Daria asked her. "Yes. I hated it. I hated every waking hour that I spent working in that pit of misery and grease, but I needed to keep up appearances and blend in with the humans, so I stuck with it for a short period of time," Tak replied.

"Of course, fast food wasn't the only thing I did for money. I worked in retail and supermarkets and other things," Tak said. "I was even able to get a business degree shortly before you were born," Tak said, turning to look at Andrea. "Of course, your father just ended up following his own father's footsteps and started working for his father's lab," Tak said. "Well, they pay good money, and I enjoy what I do," Dib said.

"So, how and when did Dad learn that you were and alien?" Andrea asked her mother. "Oh, that happened only a few months after we first met," Tak answered. "I remember it was shortly before Miss Li was instated as the high school's principal," Tak said. "A dark time for everyone," Dib said.

* * *

**Meanwhile, In Quinn's Base...**

Quinn marched over to the tank holding the weasels. The little furry animals looked at her before returning to their random activities. "Now, to unleash the weasels upon the doomed citizens of Lawndale," Quinn said with a vicious smile. "Once the world sees my mighty destructive capabilities, they will be quick to surrender to me! I am QUINN!" Quinn shouted.

" **Uh, Quinn, I've already told you that the weasels aren't ready yet. Using them now could cause a premature detonation once they are released from** -" "SILENCE!" Quinn shouted at the computer. " **I'll prepare the base's modular rebuilding programming,** " The Computer said with an audible sigh.

Grabbing a pair of tongs, Quinn pressed a series of keys on a pad and had the weasel tank moved into a lower position. Unscrewing the lid, Quinn sniffed the air. "Mastah, if the weasels come out early, won't they be no good?" GIR asked in a rare moment of lucidity.

"Why is everyone questioning my brilliance?" Quinn asked rhetorically. Shaking her head, she reached in with the tongs and carefully grabbed a weasel. "GIR, bring me a containment carrier, now!" Quinn ordered. GIR briefly entered Duty Mode before rushing off to retrieve a box with handles.

"Here, Vermin Lord!" GIR cried as he set the box down. "Finally! Now, GIR, watch as I prepare the weasels for their journey to the surface of Lawndale! Victory shall be mine!" Quinn declared. Carefully lifting a weasel out of the containment tank, Quinn gently maneuvered the furry animal in the air until it was hovering over the box. "He smell funny," GIR stated. "Huh?" Quinn asked before bringing the weasel up to her face to sniff it.

"I don't smell any-gaah!" Quinn cried as the weasel scratch at her. She accidentally squeezed tightly on its body with the tongs, and in a matter of seconds, her whole world turned white and loud. Were the sound of the explosion not deafening, she would have heard GIR crying in joy at being pushed back by the force of it.

* * *

**The Massive, Flagship Of The Irken Armada...**

"Sirs, we have a transmission coming in from Earth," a communications officer said. "Not Quinn again. What does she want now?" Tallest Red asked in annoyance before the screen came on, showing Quinn's base being destroyed and her flying into a wall, screaming, before the transmission was cut. Purple blinked in confusion before he finally registered what he had seen.

"Huh, she finally blew herself up," Purple said as he munched on some cookies. "Don't bet on it. She's probably still alive," Red said. "How do you know?" Purple asked him. "Please, if she could survive half of those experiments that went wrong during her time as a scientist, then surely she can survive a mere explosion," Red said. "Huh. That's a good point," Purple said.

* * *

** Back At The Membrane Household... **

"Did anyone feel that?" Andrea asked. "I didn't feel anything," Daria said. "Me neither," Jane said. "Eh, it was probably nothing," Andrea said. There was a knock at the door. "I'll get it," Dib said as he walked over to the front door and opened it, revealing his father, Professor Rodger Membrane.

"Hello, Son! And hello, Daughter in law, and Granddaughter!" Professor Membrane said with a booming voice, despite his age. "And hello... uh, other people!" he exclaimed. "Um, hi, hello, what's up?" Daria, Stacey, and Jane responded. "So, Son, where is your sister? I believe that she called me earlier today to say that she was coming over for Thanksgiving dinner with the family," Professor Membrane asked.

"She said she wouldn't be arriving until around dinner time," Dib replied. "Oh, I was hoping she would be spending more time with us all," Professor Membrane said. "Well, at least she's coming," he added. "So, with everyone gathered together, I suppose something important must be happening. Am I correct?" he asked.

"Um, yes," Andrea replied. "We were listening to Mom and Dad talk about how they met," she explained. "Ah, how far along are they?" Membrane asked. "We were just getting to the part were Dib learned about Tak's... parentage," Daria said. "Oh. I see. And tell me, Son, are you certain that they can handle the truths revealed by this tale?" Professor Membrane asked Dib with a raised eyebrow.

"They already know," Dib said. "Oh, how did-I see," Professor Membrane said as he noticed Mimi in Tak's arms. Tak saw where he was looking and hugged Mimi tightly to her body in a protective gesture. "I'm not going to take her apart," Professor Membrane said in a reassuring tone.

"Hey, Professor Membrane, what can you tell us about Andrea's parents in their youth?" Jane asked the elder scientist. "Unfortunately, I was a very neglectful parent at that time in my children's lives. I... wasn't involved very much in Dib or Gaz's lives, sadly," Professor Membrane said with a hint of regret in his voice. "I have no real insight into the early stages of their relationship prior to my son beginning to study and work at my lab," he added.

"Now, I do have one question, however," Professor Membrane said. "Yes?" Dib asked him in response. "Which bathroom is the closest?" Rodger asked. "The one downstairs next to the storage room," Dib said. "Thanks, Son!" Professor Membrane said as he walked into the kitchen and disappeared.

"Now, where were we?" Tak asked. "You were going to tell us how Dib learned the truth about you," Jane said. "Right. It was during one of my first missions to commit industrial sabotage, when Dib, who was out looking for some kind of... ghost or something-" "A chupacabra," Dib said. "I'd heard a rumor that someone had spotted a chupacabra, near the back of a Chicky Licky restaurant, so I was investigating," he clarified.

* * *

** The Past... **

"Okay, camera? Check. Backup camera? Check. Spare batteries? Check," Dib said to himself quietly as he approached the parking lot of Chicky Licky and waited for the goat-eating beast to show itself. He carefully tip-toed over to a set of bushes and parked himself between them, keeping his binoculars ready. He looked up at the setting sun and waited for nightfall.

After an hour, he caught movement in the distance. Using his binoculars, he zoomed in to see that it was merely Takara, carefully making her way to the back of the restaurant. "What's she doing here? Does she work there?" Dib asked himself. While he and Takara had definitely spoken whenever they saw each other, the new girl mostly kept to herself.

They'd occasionally shared some homework assignments and worked together on a science project, but Takara, or Tak as she preferred to have Dib call her, never spoke much about herself or her home life. She never talked about her parents or any siblings, and she would always insist on doing group assignments at Dib's house.

She also always had that damn cat with her. Tonight, however, Dib didn't see Mimi anywhere within the vicinity of the girl. He watched as Takara carefully crept into the shadows between the lights of the restaurant, before he saw her touch her wrist, and then the air around her began to shimmer, and her face became distorted and flickered, before the pale girl he knew was replaced with a green-skinned humanoid with purple eyes and two curly antennae.

Dib's mouth hung open in shock as he saw the four mechanical spider legs extend out of the object on her back and lift her into the air. She retrieved something else from the middle of the PAK and attached it to the exhaust stack of the building. She pressed some buttons on the device and retreated from it, withdrawing her PAK legs and activating her holographic disguise while running back into the shadows.

A few minutes later, there was a blue glow from the device, and then the whole restaurant was plunged into darkness. "Tak... what are you?" Dib found himself whispering in confusion and fear. He saw Tak re-emerge from behind a tree and slowly make her way over in his direction.

She wasn't looking at him, but she was definitely going to see him if he didn't hide himself better. Dib began to slowly crouch down and try lying on the ground, only to feel three metal objects close around his head. He gulped in fear as he felt the objects slowly begin applying pressure to his head.

He soon began whimpered from the pain, causing Tak to turn her head and look down at him. She marched over to him and glared, but not at him. "Let him go," she said, causing the pressure to be relieved. The objects removed themselves from him, and Dib looked back to see a small robot with red eyes and a triangle with a circle above it on its head, just like the symbol on Tak's shirt.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked him. "Huh?" Dib asked as he looked back at Tak. "I asked you a question. Are you going to answer it?" she asked him. "Tak... what are _you_ doing out here?" Dib asked her as he stood up.

"I asked you first. Answer me, and I'll give you an answer," she replied. "Will it be the truth?" Dib asked her. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked him defensively. "I was out here looking for a chupacabra. It's a creature that supposedly feeds on goats. Someone said that they'd seen a strange creature lurking around here the past few nights, so I wanted to take pictures of it," Dib said.

"Okay," Tak said, knowing that Dib's interest in the paranormal meant that his answer was probably genuine. "Now, what are you doing out here?" Dib asked her. "I was just passing through," Tak replied. "Really. And the robot?" he asked her. "What robot?" Tak asked him.

Dib turned and pointed at Mimi, who had now donned her cat disguise. "The-hey! The robot you told to let go of me!" Dib exclaimed before turning to face Tak again. A strange purple glow appeared in her eyes for a second, with a purple light streaking across them. "Um, okay. That was... pretty, I guess, but that doesn't answer my question," Dib said.

"What question?" Tak asked him. "About the robot," Dib said. Tak's eyes widened. The purple streak of light appeared again. "Okay, why do you keep doing that?" Dib asked her. "Hmm, you must be smarter than the rest of them," Tak said thoughtfully.

"Please make some sense, Tak! I saw you!" Dib said. "Saw me?" Tak asked him, a dangerous tone creeping into her voice. "Yes! I saw you transform or deactivate your disguise or whatever it was you did before those robot spider legs lifted you into the air," Dib said accusingly as he pointed a finger at Tak.

"Dib, no one at school would miss you if you were to go missing. You know that, right?" Tak asked him as she took a step forward. Dib gulped and stepped back. He glanced at Mimi and saw her eyes narrow at him. "I could easily make them forget that you ever existed," she whispered into his ear, causing him to gasp. Dib fell back against the pavement and looked up at Tak, who was staring at him.

Mimi waltzed up to him and glared at him before perching herself on Tak's shoulder. "Forget what you saw, Dib. You're far more intelligent than the rest of the vermin I interact with each day at school, and it would be a waste to eliminate you so soon," Tak said. "So, what are you, exactly? At least tell me that much," Dib requested.

Tak raised an eyebrow at him. "You really want to know?" she asked him. "Yes. I want to know what you are," Dib said. "Fine. I'm an Irken invader, sent here to prepare your planet for conquest by the Irken Empire. We have conquered entire planetary systems, Dib, and this pitiful backwater planet will soon be just another mark for us," Tak said. There was a hint of something in her voice, a slight lack of confidence that Dib was able to pick up.

"You're an alien," Dib said. "Yes. I just finished explaining that," Tak said. "I knew they were real," Dib whispered to himself. Tak's jaw dropped in shock. "Are you serious?" she asked him in disbelief at his reaction. Dib shook his head. "Wait, even if you _are_ proof that everything I've been saying is true... you just said that you're here to conquer the Earth!"

"No shit," Tak said, having picked up several euphemisms and phrases in her short time on Earth. "I won't let you do it," Dib said firmly. There was no wavering in his voice, as there had been in Tak's. "Excuse me?" Tak responded with a raised eyebrow. "I said I won't let you do it. I won't let you conquer Earth," Dib reiterated.

"You do realize that I could easily kill you right now and be done with it, right?" Tak asked him bluntly. "Then why haven't you?" Dib asked her. Tak opened her mouth to speak, but found that she didn't have a response. "Well... as I said, I'd rather not kill you if I don't have to. You're resistant to my psionic abilities, and that's worth keeping you alive to research. Of course, you're also more intelligent than your peers, and you're one of the few people who can keep up with me on an intellectual level," Tak answered.

"What makes you think I'll keep talking to you after tonight?" Dib asked her. "You've found a real live alien, you know, proof that you aren't insane. Also, this alien is one of the few people in school who _doesn't_ make fun of your head or you in general, and I've yet to commit any acts of bullying or taunting towards you," Tak replied.

"Hmm, well, I guess those are all good points, but that doesn't change the fact that you want to take over the Earth!" Dib said. "True, but it's my job," Tak said. "It's my duty. It's what I was engineered to do," she continued. "Engineered?" Dib asked her. "Yes. We Irkens are grown in cloning labs, using randomized or specially selected DNA couples mixed together and then grown in various facilities located underground on our homeworld," Tak said.

"At least, the military-class Irkens are bred that way. I don't know much about the civilian class Irkens, but then again, I've never seen any either," Tak said. "Well, that was interesting, but why would you give information about your species to me so freely?" Dib asked her. Tak again opened her speak and found herself without an answer.

"Er, look, just go home and forget that this ever happened, okay Dib?" Tak asked. "I can't do that, Tak. I mean, yeah, I can go home, but I can't forget what I've seen... and heard," Dib said to her. "Please, just forget it," Tak asked him. "No. All my life, people have called me crazy, and have made fun of me and have bullied me for my beliefs and interests. Now, I have proof that I'm right, and you want me to just forget that?" Dib asked her.

"I'll give you one week to decide if you'll stand against me or let me do my job. After that, I'll have no choice to but to try to keep you quiet," Tak said solemnly as she began to walk away from him. "For the record, Dib, I did enjoy the time that I spent working with you on our various projects. The conversations I had with you were never dull, so it'll be a shame to not have those anymore," Tak said before continuing her trek into the dark of the night.

Dib stood there, silent as he watched Tak disappear from sight. "One week, huh? Well, if you insist on trying to take over the Earth, then I'll stop you at every turn, Tak. I'm sorry, but as defender of Earth, I won't allow it to be conquered," Dib said firmly before he began walking back home. Over by a tree, leaning against the trunk, Tak closed her eyes and sighed. "I know, Dib. That's why your death will be the one that I'll regret the most when the time comes."

* * *

** The Present... **

"How could you remember something Mom said if you had already left the area?" Andrea asked her father. "Um, she told me about it later," Dib said. "Wait, were you really planning to kill Dad?" Andrea asked her mother. "At the time, yes, but I was reluctant to do so. See, when the Tallest sent me to Earth, they basically said that I should refrain from contacting them unless I'd conquered the planet. Basically, unless I could prove myself to be useful as an invader, they didn't want to hear a single peep from me," Tak explained.

"And this is relevant because... why?" Andrea asked her. "Because unlike so many of my peers, I was in a position where I could actually do whatever I wanted. At first, I _did_ want to prove myself as an Invader, but the more time I spent on Earth, the less important it became to me as I realized that the Tallest didn't care. The fact that I'd failed once was enough of a reason for them to see me as useless, and that fact was something that so many other Irkens fail to learn," Tak explained.

"Also, the Tallest were jerks. In fact, after a while, when I began to notice my body growing, I realized that the Tallest would see me as a threat if I were to ever contact them. Irkens value height, since our-their-our natural height is of such short stature," Tak explained. "I was afraid they would send someone here to capture me or execute me to ensure that they remained in power without any opposition."

"And, of course, for my reasons against killing Dib... I kind of wanted a challenge. Granted, after being on Dirt for five years, I had already experienced the terror of running for one's life and fighting to survive out in a storm or huddling in a shanty shelter made from scrap while trying to stay warm in the coldest nights," Tak said. "But, on Earth, being what it is, and its inhabitants being what they are, no offense, I was kind of bored after a few months. I saw early on that having Dib challenge me would keep things interesting, and then that relationship sort of... changed. I'm not sure exactly when it changed, but I can remember the day that I realized it," Tak said.

* * *

Date: Friday, Sol 13th, 2073

Tak stared up at the columns of data streaming on her monitors in her base. She looked over at the body that was being grown in an incubation tank nearby. "Computer, how long again until the human body is ready to be used?" Tak asked. " **Approximately two more years, Tak,** " the base's computer replied. "Two more years, huh?" Tak asked. " **Um, Tak, I may be out of line, but why are you still wearing your human disguise while inside the base?** " the computer asked her.

"W-What? I... I'm still wearing it?" she asked. " **Yes,** " the computer replied. Tak quickly deactivated her disguise. She then held her head in her hands. "Computer... what is happening to me?" Tak asked. " **Um... you are having an emotional response?** " "That isn't what I meant," Tak snapped. " **Tak, why do you have that human body being grown?** " the computer asked. "So that I can... live on Earth as a human," Tak said softly. " **And why would you want to do that?** "

"So that... so that I can evade any assassins that the Tallest send after me," Tak replied, trying to convince herself that it was true. " **Really? How much time have you spent antagonizing the Dib-human lately?** " the computer asked her. "Plenty of time," Tak replied. "I mean, just yesterday, I was trying to gather information on the financial resources of the Millennium Mall so that I can cripple it, and then he showed up with his sister in tow!" Tak said.

"And that stupid jacket of his, and that scythe of hair, and those glasses that reflect the light into your eyes and create a blind spot so that you can't see for a few seconds! That's really annoying!" Tak exclaimed. "And then there's his voice! He's so annoying! I just keep thinking about how it would be nice if he could just shut up or two minutes. If he could just shut up, then maybe he would be tolerable to his peers and then maybe no one would keep picking on him, like that Zita girl, but then again, I've seen the way she looks at him. She'd better stay away. I mean, I can tolerate him just fine. I have no problem discussing things with him, until we both remember that we're supposed to be enemies, and then I just watch him sometimes when he isn't looking."

"In fact, at the mall, that Zita girl showed up and actually started talking to him, and not in the bumping into him by accident talk. No, this was planned. I don't mean that she planned to meet him, but that she planned to bump into him when she realized that he was there. The way that he actually smiled at her while talking, and how she smiled back! It just made me feel so strange, like a weird sort of anger in my squeedilyspooch, almost like... oh no. No, no this can _not_ be happening to me," Tak said in realization.

"Computer, I... I want-" Tak began to sob at the realization of what was happening to her. "No! I can't be an invader if this happens to me! I-I can't! I... I've developed feelings for the boy," Tak said in a mixture of frustration, denial, and belated acceptance. " **Tak... why are you growing the human body?** " the computer asked her. "So that I can escape from my fate as an Irken exile, and live here in relative peace," Tak said softly.

" **Do you want to be happy?** " the computer asked her. "I... I don't know. But... I don't know if what I feel for the boy is love or something lesser, but I do want to see if maybe these feelings could go somewhere. That won't happen without that body, and If I live as a human, then maybe I can have a different life... maybe I can escape the machine that is the Empire and maybe... maybe I can be happy," Tak said, whispering the last part.

" **Does being around the Dib-human make you happy?** " The computer asked her. Tak gulped before looking up at a monitor and then over at Mimi, who had tilted her head. "Yes," Tak replied softly. "I know it's wrong for an Irken to feel this way... but I like it. I've found someone who seems to respect me as an individual, even if he does keep screwing up my plans, and he can be fun to talk to sometimes... I like being around him. I'm doomed," Tak said with a sigh.

" **When the body is finished, perhaps you should explore the world first, and discover if other things can make you happy as well** ," the computer suggested. "That's... probably a good idea," Tak said. "I think I'll do that. Thank you, Computer, for the suggestion. But, I'll do it _before_ the mind transfer is started, that way I can still disguise myself easily while traversing the planet," Tak said as she calmed down.

**Meanwhile, At The Membrane Household...**

"Hey, Dib!" Gaz said as she pushed him off the couch. "Ow, what is it, Gaz?" Dib asked as she interrupted his daily viewing of Mysterious Mysteries. "You've been quiet since we got home from the mall yesterday," Gaz said.

"So? I figured you'd like it when I'm quiet," Dib retorted. "Yeah, but it's kind of weird not hearing you ramble on to your fellow big eye friends about aliens and ghosts and stuff," Gaz replied. "First of all, it's called the Swollen Eyeball Association, and second, I've just had a lot on my mind the past two days," Dib replied. "Like what?" Gaz asked him.

"Oh, nothing important, well, maybe Tak's latest scheme. She was at the mall yesterday, remember? I didn't get much of a chance to find out what she was doing after I bumped into Zita and started talking to her, since she just disappeared after that, but it's been bugging me," Dib said. "The plan... or Tak disappearing?" Gaz asked him with a smirk.

"What? Of course her plan is what's bugging me," Dib said defensively. "Dib... never mind," Gaz said as she resumed playing her Game Slave 4. "Hmm, you know, Zita used to make fun of me all the time in middle school," Dib said thoughtfully. "I wonder why she stopped?" "Maybe the same reason that Tak disappeared," Gaz said.

"You think Zita's an Irken in disguise?" Dib asked her. Gaz literally smacked herself in the forehead. "No, Dib! I'm saying that she likes you!" Gaz spat at him. "What? Zita? No way; she was just being friendly. She probably just got tired of making fun of me," Dib said. "I meant both of them," Gaz said. "What? You think that _Tak_ likes me? Come on, I'm constantly foiling her plans and getting in her way. Why would she _like_ me?" Dib asked her incredulously. "She hasn't killed you yet, despite the numerous opportunities that you've given her to do so," Gaz retorted.

"She's probably just waiting until we graduate, otherwise people will notice when I disappear and start asking questions. She's smart like that," Dib said. "Pfft, whatever. You're both idiots, even if she _is_ the smarter of the two of you," Gaz said as she resumed beating the demon hog on level 12 of her game. "Uh-huh, yeah, whatever," Dib said dismissively as he resumed watching Mysterious Mysteries. " _And in the end, it turned out that the mill beast was Old Man McGivvers all along, thanks to the efforts of these meddling kids and their dog,_ " the narrator said.

"Dammit, I missed all the good stuff, and I didn't set up the DVR to record it!" Dib whined.

* * *

** The Present... **

"Heh, I still think it's funny that you were jealous of Zita," Dib said to his wife. "Well, she did have her eyes on you. And I've already explained how Irkens are... territorial when it comes to what we perceive to be ours, whether we realize it or not," Tak said. "Wait, if you used to have a base, where is it now?" Stacey asked Tak. "Huh? Oh, it's beneath us. It's connected to the Prohibited Section. I moved it after Dib and I got married and moved into this house," Tak said.

"Huh? How did you manage to move an entire base?" Stacey asked her. She'd seen the inside of Quinn's base, so the idea of an Irken base being moved without detection seemed mind-boggling to her. "Oh, Irken bases are compact and modular in design. They can easily be compacted into small, easily transported objects, if given enough time to perform proper backup and diagnostics on the geography of the newly selected location," Tak replied.

A few more hours passed as Tak and Dib explained things, and eventually, Gaz showed up. "Hey, Sis, what took you so long?" Dib asked her as she stepped inside the house. "Traffic was backed up on the highway due to an accident," Gaz explained. "Oh, was it serious?" Dib asked her. "I don't know, but given how I had to basically park my car for an hour like everyone else, it may as well have been serious," Gaz replied.

"Ah, Gaz!" Professor Membrane said as he walked forward to greet his daughter. "Hello, Dad," Gaz said with a hint of a smile on her face. "Hello, Gaz," Tak said as she walked over to greet her sister in law. "Hello, Tak," Gaz said. Andrea walked over to greet her as well. "Hey, Aunt Gaz," Andrea said. "Hey yourself," Gaz replied with a smirk.

"So, who are the three over there?" Gaz asked. "I recognize two of them, but the third one is new," Gaz said. "Hi, I'm Jane," Jane said. "Hi," Gaz replied. "So, Andrea, are they your friends?" Gaz asked her niece. "Um... kind of," Andrea replied. "Kind of? What, did you force them to come here by holding them at gunpoint or something?" Gaz asked.

"No, I just... invited them over for dinner," Andrea replied. "Hmm, their hair looks different," Gaz commented as she walked over to the trio. "Wasn't your hair longer the last time I saw you guys?" Gaz asked them. "There was a lice outbreak at school a couple of weeks ago," Daria explained. "Oh," Gaz said. There was a beep in the kitchen from the double fryer. "Hey, sounds like the turkeys are done!" Dib exclaimed as he made his way into the kitchen.

"Don't burn yourself this time," Tak called out to him. "Yeah, yeah," Dib said. "So, when do we eat?" Gaz asked. "Not for another hour. We have to let the food cool down and let the turkeys sit for a bit. If we cut them up now, all of the moisture will escape as steam and they'll be dry," Tak said. "Fine, what do we do in the meantime?" Gaz asked in response.

"Well, Dib and Tak were telling Andrea and the others about their youth," Professor Membrane said. "Perhaps, dear Gaz, you would like to join in?" he suggested. "Okay, where did they stop?" Gaz asked him. "I believe that they had finished talking about the beginning of their third year in high school," Professor Membrane said.

"Right, my second year," Gaz said. "Wait, wasn't that just around the time that Mr. Self-Important showed up?" Gaz asked Tak. "Yes, yes it was, and that was the common goal that forced us to begin working together, before we finally began to admit to each other how we felt, or at least before I accepted how I felt. I still had mood whiplashes about my feelings at that point in time," Tak said.

"Oh, definitely," Gaz said with a smirk. "Wait, are you guys talking about that Zim guy?" Andrea asked her mother and aunt. "Yeah, why?" Gaz asked her. "Mom and Dad don't really seem too keen on talking about him," Andrea replied. "Well, that's mostly because of what he did after you were born, when he launched one final attack on your parents as part of his revenge," Gaz said.

"Revenge?" Andrea asked her. In a small part of her brain, a sense of familiarity began to surface, and long dormant memories were beginning to stir. "Yeah, let me tell you guys all about it, or least what I remember about it, since your parents' viewpoints will be more emotional and involved than mine," Gaz said as she walked over to the couch and sat down.

Almost an hour had passed when Gaz finished her story. "And then I had to pilot the damn thing because Tak just would not let you out of her arms at that point. It took a month before she was ready to let you out of her sight or let you be alone without Dib or myself around, or Dad," Gaz said. "But, anyway, I had to pilot the Voot runner through the exploding station. Dib was still tending his injuries with a first aid kit, and as I said, Tak was useless, so I had to navigate completely on my own," Gaz said.

"After flying _through_ one fiery explosion, I managed to get us out of there and away from the exploding station. I don't remember much, but I do know that when we returned to the site later, there was no trace of Zim's body anywhere. No PAK, no blood, nothing. We found and collected parts of his SIR unit, but aside from that, he'd completely disappeared. I think he was vaporized in the explosion, but your mom and dad still have their doubts," Gaz explained.

"Damn," Jane said after she picked up her jaw from the floor. "Holy crap! Andrea, how come you never mentioned any of this to me after we discovered Quinn's identity?" Stacey asked her friend. "I didn't remember any of it, at least not very much," Andrea replied. "I'd always thought it was some kind of dream that I'd had now and then when I was a kid," Andrea explained.

"Wait, wait, who's Quinn?" Gaz asked them. "Quinn is an Irken invader who's trying to conquer the Earth," Stacey replied. "She was sent here by her leaders to prepare the planet for the Irken Empire to conquer it," she explained. "Unlikely. Zim had been exiled to this system because he was a dangerous lunatic, even to his own people, and Tak here was basically sent away because the Irken Empire wanted nothing to do with her. It's pretty likely that Quinn's here for a similar reason," Gaz said.

"But how do you know that?" Quinn asked her. "What, about Tak and Zim?" Gaz asked in response. "No, about Quinn," Stacey asked her. "Educated guess," Gaz replied. "She stole my organs, crippled the Millennium Mall, drove Dr. Shar insane and shut down her office, and she even managed to build a space station orbiting the Earth," Stacey retorted. "How could someone capable of all of that be sent here in exile or something?" Stacey asked.

"She... stole your organs?" Gaz asked her. "Yeah, and not just mine, but Daria's, Jane's and even Andrea's!" Stacey replied. " _ **What!?**_ " Tak exclaimed in fury. "Andrea, when did this happen!?" she asked her daughter. "Um, it was in October," Andrea replied. "And you didn't tell me about it!?" Tak asked her. "She returned everyone's organs after Daria intimidated her," Andrea said.

"I throttled her, and then assaulted her," Daria said. "Yeah, it was kind of neat seeing you beat her up like that," Stacey said. "She stole one of my lungs, so she had it coming," Daria replied.

"Andrea, why didn't _you_ get back at Quinn for stealing an organ?" Tak asked her with a tone of disappointment. "Daria had already beat me to it," Andrea replied. "Besides, I wasn't in much shape to do anything for a while," she added. "Stacey... where does Quinn reside?" Tak asked the girl. "I can show you," Stacey replied. "Good, Andrea come on. No one does something like that to my daughter and gets away with it," Tak said.

"But Daria already kicked her ass," Andrea said. "Besides, it's almost time to eat," she added as she glanced back at the kitchen where Dib was getting the food ready. "And anyway, it's a bit late to get back at her for it now," Andrea finished. "She's right," Gaz said. "Attacking her now would just seem like petty revenge... you know, like Zim would do?" Tak stopped in her tracks.

"Gaz... **never** compare me to that _monster_ ," Tak said as she glared at her sister in law. "Then don't do what he would've done," Gaz said before walking over into the kitchen. "Mom?" Andrea asked. "Your aunt's right," Tak said reluctantly. "Come on, let's eat," Tak said as she walked into the kitchen, leaving Mimi in a chair.

"That was... kind of awkward," Jane said. "Yeah, but considering what we all just learned today, I guess I can understand why she's protective. Still, Mom and Aunt Gaz have never really been warm or close around each other. Anyway, let's eat," Andrea said as the others followed her into the kitchen.

"Yay, food!" Stacey exclaimed happily. "Calm down, Stace, or we won't feed you," Daria said jokingly. Jane snickered and Andrea smiled.

* * *

**Inside Quinn's Base...**

Quinn stood up and looked at the burn marks covering herself and her base. Everything was in ruins. She looked over at the communication console and saw GIR stuck in the wall. "Huh... I wonder if I should've waited an extra day?" she asked herself. Then GIR fell out of the wall and onto the floor.

* * *

Ending Theme: Stray, by Steve Conte, from Wolf's Rain OST 01.


	4. Mobile Gun Megadoomer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Due to a shipping mix-up, Quinn receives a destructive weapon meant for another invader.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 016/2-004: Mobile Gun Megadoomer

* * *

Date: Sunday, December 1st, 2097

**Planet Vort...**

Tallest Red and Purple walked through a viewing area lined with several rooms. There was thick, reinforced glass between them and the rooms. In front of them was an Irken scientist, showing the Tallest around. "And in this area, My Tallest, we have a series of self-guided grenades that will attach to a selected target and stick to them before exploding," the scientist said excitedly.

"Ooh!" Purple said in interest. "That _is_ pretty neat. What's in the next room?" Red asked him. "Ah, well, have a look for yourselves," the scientist said as he showed them a seemingly empty room. "I don't see anything," Red said in confusion.

"Exactly. Now, watch as I press a button on this remote. The room, I mean, not the remote," the scientist said. "Why should we do what you tell us to do?" Purple asked him. "Oh, I was not _telling_ you what to do, My Tallest. It was merely a poorly worded suggestion. You have my most sincere apologies," the scientist said fearfully.

"Alright, we'll look at the room," Red said. "Now, I certainly hope that you will be intrigued by what I'm about to show you," the scientist said. "Yes, get on with it already," Red said impatiently. "Yes, My Tallest," he said before pressing a button on the remote. The air shimmered in the room, and soon a large combat mech appeared. Its coloration was a mix of dark brown and red, and it was covered in weaponry. It also had digitigrade dual-legs. "Whoa! That was _cool!_ " Purple exclaimed.

"Yes, My Tallest. It is the Megadoomer RX-3 Combat Stealth Mech. It was designed by Vortian scientists," the scientist said. "Vortians? Interesting. Who is inside it right now?" Red asked the scientist. "Um, no one. That's why I used the remote," the scientist explained.

Purple studied the machine and frowned. "I don't like it!" he said. "It wasn't built so that you could like it," Red said to him. "Well, I should _like it!_ " Purple retorted. "What's next?" Red asked the scientist. "Oh, just some malfunctioning SIR units. We initially wanted to scrap them, but given the advanced weaponry that they have, we've been hoping to somehow tame them instead, or at least find a way to utilize them in a manner that isn't detrimental to our own forces," the scientist said as he led them over to a glass window in front of another room.

There were at least a dozen SIR units inside, all behaving in an uncontrollable manner. One SIR was cutting another SIR's head open with a saw blade, while another SIR was firing a series of lasers from its head in random directions, and three of them were bouncing around the room, giggling and laughing. Another SIR was smashing something into its head repeatedly, and another SIR was removing its own limbs and re-attaching them in the wrong locations. Another SIR was busy crawling up and down on the walls and yet another SIR was spinning its head around.

"Hey, anybody using these could seriously get hurt!" Purple said. "We should send them to Quinn!" he said. Red gasped. "But... they'll destroy her!" he exclaimed before he and Purple both burst out laughing. "If she isn't dead already from that explosion!" Purple said between laughs. "This'll do it for sure!" Red said. "Wait, couldn't we just send a properly functioning SIR unit to replace her current one instead?" Purple asked Red, remembering Quinn's transmission from the other week.

"Why waste a good SIR unit like that? This is a much better solution," Red said. "Hmm, yeah, okay," Purple said in agreement. "Alright, hey, uh, what's your name?" Red asked the scientist who was showing them the facility. "My name is Jeg," he replied. "That's nice, anyway, Jeg, can we get some order forms to have the SIR units sent to Earth? We have an address and everything for you," Red requested.

"Of course, My Tallest," Jeg replied with a bow of his head. "Oh, and send the Megadoomer to Invader Tenn on planet Meekrob," Red added. "Yes, My Tallest. As you wish," Jeg said before grabbing a data pad from a table and handing it to the Tallest. "Just sign these forms and we'll have the SIR units and the Megadoomer prepared within a few hours," Jeg said.

"Good. Very good," Red said with a smile. "Yeah, I like your efficiency," Purple said. "Um, out of curiosity," Red began, "I couldn't help but notice that you seem rather... short staffed here. What's up with that?" Jeg sighed in a sad manner. "The malfunctioning SIR units, My Tallest. They killed half of our staff during our efforts to contain them."

"Ouch. Well, we'll make sure that you guys get some more by the end of the week, or the next one," Red said as he finished filling out the order forms. "Now, what else do you have here?" Red asked him with an eager gleam in his eyes. "Why, follow me to the next level and I'll show you," Jeg said.

* * *

Date: Monday, December 2nd, 2097

**Planet Shippingo...**

A small, yellow alien with a large screw on his head frowned as he looked around at the conveyor belts surrounding him. He was wearing only a belt and a loincloth. He had blue eyes and a forked tongue. His name was Smikka Smikka Smoodoo. He glanced up at his fellow Gelarians, who were being watched over by Irken Slave Drivers. "Irken _monsters,_ " he muttered to himself angrily as he applied shipping labels to various crates and packages that went past him on a conveyor belt.

"Conquer my people... force us into slavery... no more!" Glancing around to see if anyone was watching him, he looked at two large boxes that paused between him. He looked at the shipping addresses that appeared on a monitor. "I must rebel, I must! I... will... switch the shipping addresses on these two packages!" he declared, catching the attention of a slave driver.

Quickly changing the shipping addresses, he grinned victoriously. "Let the revolution be-aack!" he cried as a Slave Driver shocked him with a stun prod. "The seeds... of change... have been planted," Smikka whispered with a smile before he passed out from the pain. "We need a replacement slave drone!" the slave driver called out.

* * *

Date: Thursday, December 5th, 2097

"You should have seen Quinn's face. The whole time, she was glaring at me," Stacey said to Andrea as they walked home from school. "And she knows, she knows, that once the people at Mysterious Mysteries see the footage on that disc, she'll be exposed on national television for what she really is," Stacey said with a vicious grin.

"A complete moron?" Andrea asked. "No, a horrible monster from space," Stacey said with glee. "You know, my mother comes from the same place as Quinn, so how come you aren't saying anything about her?" Andrea asked her. "Um... gee, I actually haven't given much thought to that since Thanksgiving," Stacey replied.

"Yeah, speaking of which, how are the leftovers?" Andrea asked her. "Delicious. I still have some packed away in our freezer," Stacey said. "So, what do you think Quinn and GIR were doing when you were videotaping them?" Andrea asked her.

"I don't know. Quinn was making weird noises while looking at some kind of glowing thing in the air, and GIR was just being weird in general," Stacey replied. "I think GIR might actually be insane," Stacey said thoughtfully. "Probably," Andrea said, although she had never interacted with GIR.

After Stacey opened the door to her house, she and Andrea entered the kitchen. There was a note on the fridge. "Dear Daria and Stacey, your father and I won't be home until late tonight. There's some Chinese takeout in the fridge. I made sure to get your favorites, and there's some leftover lasagna as well," Stacey read out loud.

"Figures. They're never home," Stacey said. "My parents aren't home that often either," Andrea said. "Yeah, but at least your parents _try_ to make time for you," Stacey retorted. "They even rescued you from a space station and a criminally insane lunatic," Stacey added.

"True," Andrea said with a nod of her head. "Say, where are Daria and Jane?" Andrea asked Stacey. "Oh, they're probably at Pizza King," Stacey said. "I think Daria mentioned something about a science project that she was working on with that football player," Stacey said.

"Who, Kevin?" Andrea asked. "No, a different one. Matt or something," Stacey replied. "Oh, you mean Mack. I think he's the only football player in the school who actually does his homework properly," Andrea said. "Really? I thought all of the football players were stupid jocks," Stacey said as she grabbed a soda from the fridge and offered it to Andrea.

"Well, Mack's dating Jodie Landon, the student body president," Andrea said. "Landon? Isn't that the name of the guy who made that folding coffee mug?" Stacey asked her. "Yeah, he's Jodie's father," Andrea replied. "Huh. My dad loves those things," Stacey said.

"Hey, I have a question," Stacey said. "Shoot," Andrea replied. "That SIR unit that your parents and Aunt Gaz found in the wreckage of Zim's space station... do they still have it?" Stacey asked her. "I... huh, I don't really know. I guess we'll have to ask them. But, why do you want to know?" Andrea asked her.

"Well, while Quinn _is_ trying to take over the Earth, Irken technology is still rather advanced compared to ours, so I'd like to study it," Stacey explained. "Yeah, but that SIR unit is probably older than the one that Quinn currently has. It wouldn't be on the same technological level as GIR," Andrea said.

"True, but it's better than nothing," Stacey replied. "Well... okay, we can go ask them tomorrow after school," Andrea said before she popped the tab on her soda and started drinking it. "All right!" Stacey exclaimed happily.

* * *

**Planet Meekrob...**

Invader Tenn looked at the large crate that had just been delivered to her base. While she had wished that a more discrete method of delivery had been used, rather than just having the shipping module drop onto the ground, she was still appreciative of the Tallest's decision to send her the Megadoomer. "SIR," Tenn said to her robot, "I want you to check the perimeter defenses of the base before we open the package. Make sure that things are tight and secure."

"Yes, Master," Tenn's SIR unit said with a salute before it walked away. Tenn looked back at the large crate that held her new machine. "Okay, let's find out what those Vortian scientists cooked up for us," Tenn said with a gleeful smile.

* * *

** Back On Earth, Later That Same Night... **

Quinn grumbled to herself as she re-attached several cables to each other. She looked over at a progress screen as it showed a red frowny face changing to a green smiley face. "There, that should fix the primary power conduit," she said as she stood back and admired her handiwork. She made her way over to an elevator and stepped inside, ascending to the living room level of the house.

GIR was sitting on the couch, watching TV. " _-the dress! Another episode of Bridal Meltdowns next on True Life TV!_ " GIR laughed and giggled before sucking on a Suck Monkey soda cup. Quinn merely frowned at the garbage that GIR was watching.

Quinn was about to open her mouth to reprimand GIR for his choice in television programming when she heard a strange noise from outside, and then a loud thoom as something landed in the yard, setting off the perimeter alarms. "What's going on!?" Quinn shouted as she grabbed her disguise and rushed outside, seeing the large shipping module with Irken writing on it. "Wow!" she exclaimed before retrieving a command pad from her PAK and telling the base to secure the package in the testing room.

The ground rumbled before the package was sucked underneath the dirt, leaving only a ruined lawn and several smashed garden gnomes. The gnomes were soon pulled under the ground before re-emerging, their damage having been fixed. Quinn smiled and then closed the front door, just before another package dropped from the sky.

* * *

**The Massive, Flagship Of The Irken Armada...**

"Sirs, an incoming transmission from Earth," said a communications officer. "Put it on," Red said. The main screen showed Quinn smiling and ecstatic. " _OhthankyoumyTallest! You'vedonetherightthingandyouwon'tbeforgottenwhenIruletheuniversethankstothisamazingbattlemech, Bye!_ " Quinn blabbered with joy before ending the call.

"So... she's still alive, and she's thanking us for something," Purple said. "Yes, but what?" Red asked rhetorically, confused. "Sirs, we have an incoming transmission from planet Meekrob," said another communications officer. "Put it on screen," Red ordered. Both his and Purple's eyes widened in surprise at what soon appeared.

" _It's horrible! They're everywhere!_ " Invader Tenn screamed. Behind her, Red and Purple could see several malfunctioning SIR units attacking each other and everything around them. "I thought... we had those sent to Quinn," Red said in confusion. " _We're doomed!_ " Tenn screamed before an explosion knocked her out of the way and the screen cut to static.

"If Tenn received the malfunctioning SIR units... then Quinn received the Megadoomer!" Red exclaimed in realization and disgust. "How did _that_ happen?" Purple asked him. "I have no idea," Red said. "You!" he pointed at a communications officer, "Call up the overseers on Shippingo. I have some questions for them."

"And you," Red pointed to another bridge officer, "Bring us some snacks. I don't care what kind." "Yes, My Tallest, right away," the bridge officer said before she left her station and exited the bridge. "Someone screwed up, and I'm gonna find out who," Red said with a frown. Purple looked at him before sipping a soda.

* * *

**Back On Earth...**

Deep inside Quinn's base, she and GIR were inspecting the new battle mech. GIR was wearing his dog disguise while swimming through the packing peanuts in the other crate, until Quinn climbed up the side, reached in, and pulled him out. "Aw, I was swimming," GIR whined. "You'll have time for that later," Quinn said.

"Now, GIR, behold the glory that is the Megadoomer RX-3 Combat Stealth Mech! It was designed by conquered Vortian scientists," she said as she dropped GIR onto the floor before leaping down and walking over to the machine. "He-he. Vortians. They're filthy," Quinn said. GIR shook his head and walked over to the machine, looking up and down at its digitigrade dual legs. "[Gasp!] It's got _chicken leeegss!_ " GIR exclaimed happily as he rushed over and hugged one of the legs.

"Yes," Quinn said, "Chicken legs. GIR, pay attention!" GIR whipped his head around to look at Quinn. "In addition to its... _chicken legs_ , it also possess a new generation distortion cloaking system," Quinn explained. GIR stared blankly at her. "Do you know what that means?" Quinn asked the little robot. "Oooooouuuwaaaaaaeeiiaaooohhhhh!" GIR cried while spazzing out in a bizarre seizure before quickly calming down and standing still, staring blankly at Quinn.

"That means it turns invisible," Quinn explained. "I had no idea," GIR replied with a slow drawl. "Of course not," Quinn said with a scowl. She walked over and hopped onto GIR's head. GIR activated his thrusters and lifted into the air, carrying Quinn to the top of the Megadoomer. "I know that's probably overkill, but I'm going to use this machine to eliminate Stacey, once and for all," Quinn said with a smile.

"Aw, I like her," GIR said. "GIR, you proclaim your undying love to anyone who delivers food to the house," Quinn commented. "I like food," GIR said. "I'm aware of that," Quinn responded before she leapt off of GIR and onto the top of the mech. She opened the hatch of the cockpit and dropped down inside. "Now, to unleash doom upon Stacey's filthy head," Quinn said gleefully.

She pressed the start button in the cockpit to begin powering on the machine, only to notice that nothing was happening. She pressed the button again, this time holding it for a few seconds. Again, nothing happened. "Hey, what's going on here!?" Quinn exclaimed in dismay. She climbed out of the cockpit and looked around. "GIR! Open the back panel and see if the batteries are missing," Quinn ordered.

"Yes, Sir!" GIR said with a salute before he flew up and opened the back panel of the Megadoomer. "It's got batteries inside it already!" GIR declared. "Then why isn't it working!? Are they inserted properly?" Quinn asked. GIR pulled one battery out and looked at the inside diagram. "Yeah, they're in the right spots and stuff!" GIR said.

"Then the batteries are dead! Why would they do that to me!?" Quinn growled in frustration as she slammed a fist down onto the mech. "GIR, there should be a power cord inside the crate! See if you can find it and then plug it into the Megadoomer!" Quinn said. "Okie dokie!" GIR replied before he flew into the crate, which was on its side.

He disappeared into the mountain of packing peanuts before reappearing, carrying a large cord with him. He flew up to the back of the Megadoomer, lifted a panel, and inserted the cord into the slot. "Okay, it's plugged in!" GIR shouted. "Yes!" Quinn said as she dropped back into the cockpit. A minute later, she crawled out again. "You didn't plug the other end of the cord into anything, did you?" she asked GIR.

"You only said to plug the cord into the chicken!" GIR replied. "It's not a-never mind! Plug the other end of the cord into a socket!" Quinn ordered him. GIR complied and found a large socket in the wall. He plugged the power cord into the socket.

Inside the cockpit, Quinn smiled in delight as the lights came on and she was bathed in a reddish glow. "Finally," she said. "Now, to activate the cloaking system," she said to herself as she pressed the cloak button. The air shimmered around the Megadoomer, and it became invisible, save for one, tiny little spot that GIR quickly noticed as he looked up into the air.

"I can still see you!" GIR cried out happily. Quinn frowned. _He must be using a special vision mode or something_ , she thought to herself as she moved the Megadoomer forward, stepping onto a platform. "Now, to the surface!" Quinn exclaimed as the platform rose into the air.

GIR watched the platform rise into a tunnel and disappear. He looked back over at the other crate and flew into it, swimming in the packing peanuts with glee, until he heard a loud popping sound. He climbed out of the crate and saw that the plug for the Megadoomer had been detached from the wall socket.

* * *

"Rrarr! Stupid plug!" Quinn roared in the cockpit. "GIR!" Quinn cried into a communication bracelet on her wrist, "Bring the power cord up to the surface. We'll need to have it attached to something on the ground before we can continue."

A few minutes passed as Quinn looked at the battery levels. Since the Megadoomer hadn't been doing anything while was rising to the surface, the batteries had been able to collect a small charge. "Hurry, GIR!" Quinn said.

A minute later, GIR flew out of the ground, bringing the cable with him, ripping up the yard... again. "Now, GIR, plug it into a hole!" Quinn demanded. GIR ran into the house next door and burst through the front door, slamming the configurable plug into a power socket inside the house. The people inside the house stared at GIR while he performed a little break-dance. They clapped when he was finished before he left the house.

Five minutes later, GIR returned to the house after the plug had come loose, taking it with him as he searched for a new outlet. He walked up to another house broke in through the window, bringing the cord with him. There were shouts of surprise and anger as GIR devoured all of the food that the residents had put on their table.

Quinn moved the Megadoomer forward, reactivating the cloaking device and slamming into a house and she struggled with the controls. "Grr, stupid battle mech controls! These are so different from the controls of a ship! I hate them!" Quinn growled as she moved the mobile gun platform forward. "I'll have to reconfigure them after I reduce Stacey to a smoldering pile of ashes," Quinn muttered to herself as the Megadoomer crushed a car beneath one of its large feet.

* * *

**Inside The Massive...**

"Why didn't you report this!?" Red asked angrily. " _I thought that I had gotten to him before he could perform his rebellious act. With the way that he was boasting, I figured he'd wasted his time,_ " the security guard who'd shocked Smikka said. "You know that proper security protocol dictates that you _must_ inspect any packages that may have been tampered with by rebellious slave workers!" Purple said as he pointed a finger at the guard.

" _Y-Yes, My Tallest. I... what shall I do to amend this mistake?_ " the guard asked them with a fearful look in his eyes. "Hmm, what should we do to him, Wal?" Purple asked his fellow Tallest. "Don't call me that," Red replied. He didn't like people using his real name. He like being called Tallest, and only Tallest.

"Hey... You, security guard. Call him Wal," Purple said. " _W-What? But the Tallest expressed displeasure at being referred to by_ -" "Hey, are you disobeying an order from a Tallest?" Purple asked him with a smirk. " _I-I... uh, I_ -" the guard continued stammering, knowing that he was now trapped in an unwinnable situation. No matter what he did, he would anger at least one of the Tallest.

" _Please forgive me... Tallest Wal!_ " the guard pleaded. "No. You will be sent to Blorch as punishment, for both angering me with the usage of my name _and_ for your failure to perform your duty and inspect those packages when you were supposed to," Red said with a sadistic grin on his face. " _My Tallest, please!_ " the guard begged as two others grabbed him and dragged him away from the screen. " _Noooooo!_ " they heard the guard scream before the transmission ended.

Purple chuckled before turning to Red. "So... what do we do now?" he asked Red. "We'll try contacting Tenn again. Maybe she's gotten things under control," Red suggested. "Someone send a transmission to Meekrob. Contact Invader Tenn," Red ordered. There was a progress image on the main screen.  
SEARCHING... SIGNAL WEAK.

"You don't suppose they've destroyed her, do you?" Purple asked Red. The screen soon showed the ruins of Tenn's base as she crawled out from under some debris. " _My... My Tallest! I_ -" There was a bright flash and the transmission cut to static. Red frowned at the screen and narrowed his eyes. "Dammit," he muttered.

* * *

**Back On Earth...**

"Look at them," Quinn said as she moved the Megadoomer through the streets of Lawndale. "They hear the terror, but they see nothing! Ah-ha-ha-ha-haaa!" Quinn exclaimed gleefully before the Megadoomer powered down again. "GIR, find another outlet!" Quinn ordered.

GIR grabbed the plug and ran inside an open door. He saw a group of people watching TV as he plugged the cord into another outlet. " _Now was that civilized? No, clearly not. Fun, but in no sense of the word civilized._ "

GIR walked over and sat down in front of the TV, ignoring the stares from the people in the living room that he had just barged into. The cord soon came loose again, and GIR was forced to pick it up and exit the house, searching for another power outlet. "What just happened?" one of the people in the room asked after GIR left.

* * *

**The Morgendorffer Residence...**

Stacey and Andrea were watching Mysterious Mysteries when Stacey felt something. She looked at her cup of water on the coffee table and saw the ripples and she heard a thoom in the distance. Then she heard another one.

Andrea turned her head to look over at the window near the front door. "What is that?" she asked as she and Stacey got up from the couch and walked over to the door. Stacey opened the door to see Daria and Jane standing there, with Jane raising a hand getting ready to knock. "Hey, do you guys hear that?" Stacey asked as another thoom was heard. This time the ground shook, and all four girls turned to look across the street as a telephone pole was pushed to the side and the cables between it and another pole were stretched before snapping.

Stacey gasped as she saw Quinn in the air. "Ha-ha! I've put up with you meddling in my affairs and ruining my plans long enough! Now, Stacey, prepare to fight an enemy which you cannot see!" Quinn shouted. Stacey raised an eyebrow. "Um, actually, we can see you," Jane said. "What?" Quinn asked, confused. "Yeah, you're right there," Stacey said as she pointed at her.

"Your Irken cloaking device cloaks your machine, but it doesn't cloak you," Stacey said. "So, you can see me?" Quinn asked, dumbfounded. "Uh, yeah, pretty much," she replied. Daria, Jane, and Andrea nodded their heads in agreement. "Lies! You lie to make yourself less frightened!" Quinn exclaimed. "Now, behold the mighty doom cannon!" she roared.

"We can't," Daria said. "Huh?" Quinn asked her after she pressed the button to charge the cannon. "It's invisible," Jane said. "The machine is invisible... but you can still see _me?_ " Quinn asked them. "Yes. We already told you that," Jane said. Quinn was silent for a few seconds as she processed this.

"Oh, that's just _stupid!_ " she roared in anger. "Really stupid," Stacey said. "Grr, you _dare_ to agree with Quinn!?" Quinn exclaimed. "Well-" "Prepare to die!" Quinn yelled as she began pressing dozens of buttons on the control panel. The air began to shimmer around her, and the Megadoomer became visible.

" **Warning! Power drain critical!** " the Megadoomer's onboard computer announced as the lights began to go out in houses surrounding the area. Even Stacey's house found itself without power. Soon, almost all of Lawndale was in the dark.

* * *

"What was _that?_ " Tak asked rhetorically as the lights went out in her home before they flickered back on. She rushed over to the window of the living room and looked outside to see that all of the other houses were still dark. "Why is our home the only... my base. It must be providing backup power through its independent generator," Tak said to herself.

She quickly rushed into the kitchen and opened the door to the basement before rushing down the stairs and entering the Prohibited Section. She made her way around a collection of various artifacts before she came across a sliding door. Accessing a control panel, she entered a command and the door opened.

Tak quickly entered the elevator and closed the door. "Level Zero-One," Tak stated. " **Tak? It's been a while,** " the base's computer said. "Yes. It has, hasn't it," Tak replied as she leaned back against the cool metal of the elevator while it descended to its lower depths.

* * *

"Wow!" Stacey exclaimed as she saw the Megadoomer. "Chicken!" GIR said. "I'm gonna eat you!" "Everybody, get some cameras!" Stacey said as she reached into her jacket and pulled out her spare camera. "We don't have any with us," Andrea said. Stacey ignored her and began taking pictures of the Irken machine.

"Um, Stacey," Andrea said. "Not now! I have to get as many as I can!" Stacey cried as she ran around the Megadoomer, snapping as many pictures as possible. Inside the cockpit, Quinn panicked. "No! No! I'll be exposed!" she cried before she activated the Megadoomer's self-destruct sequence. She then ejected herself out of the cockpit, falling through a hidden chute to the ground below.

"Hey, where's she running off to?" Daria asked. "Um, I think we should run too," Jane said as she noticed the blinking red lights on the outside of the Megadoomer. Everyone ran for cover, except GIR. A minute later, the lights on the Megadoomer dimmed, and then the machine exploded. GIR was forced back by the force, and the girls all covered their ears.

* * *

"What was that!?" Helen Morgendorffer asked as she looked out the window of her office and saw a bright glow. "Wait a minute... that's near my house! Daria and Stacey!" Helen cried before she turned around and ran out of the office. "Helen, where are you going!?" Eric Schrecter asked her. "That explosion was near my house! I have to make sure that my daughters are okay!" Helen replied before she opened the door and entered the stairwell.

* * *

"It can't be," Tak whispered as she looked at the information presented to her on the computer screen. " **Ma'am, the signal I've intercepted was from a Megadoomer RX-3 Combat Stealth Mech,** " her computer said. Tak put a hand to her forehead. "Computer, can you determine the location of the explosion?" Tak asked.

" **Analyzing... The location of the explosion was at 1111 Glen Oaks Lane,** " the computer announced. Tak's eyes widened. "That's where Andrea's friend Stacey lives. And Andrea called earlier to say that she was... Andrea!" Tak exclaimed as she leapt from her seat and rushed over to the elevator to take her back up to her basement.

* * *

Stacey blinked as she uncovered her ears and stood up. Her camera was still in her hands, intact and unscathed. She looked around at the spot where the Megadoomer had once been standing. Bits and pieces of debris were still falling from the sky. She walked outside the house and looked around for any sign of Quinn and GIR.

"GIR?" Stacey asked hesitantly. She got no response. "Hey, Stace," Andrea said as she walked out of the house. The windows of the house had been broken by the force of the explosion, and there was broken glass everywhere. Several other houses had suffered a similar fate, and there were yells and shouts from people in their homes as they tried to figure out what was going on.

The power was slowly returning to Lawndale, as several homes began to light up, and so did the street lights, allowing Stacey to see Quinn just as she knocked her to the ground and grabbed the camera from her hands. "Victory!" Quinn proclaimed as she stood up. "What do you mean 'victory'?" Stacey asked Quinn as she stood up.

"Yeah, your robot exploded and you failed your objective," Andrea pointed out to her. "Uh... my plan was actually, um... to capture this camera, so that Stacey can't show anyone these pictures!" Quinn said just before Stacey tackled her to the ground. The two opponents rolled around, grasping at the camera and grabbing at each other.

"Get off!" Quinn cried before she kicked Stacey back. "Oof!" Stacey went as she fell back. She quickly got back up and rushed at Quinn, who backed up and tripped over a piece of one of the Megadoomer's cannons. Stacey snatched the camera from Quinn's hands and rushed back over to Andrea's side.

"Ha! Victory is mine, Quinn!" Stacey said with a sneer. "You left the lens cap on," Quinn said as she pointed at the camera. "What? No I-gaahh!" Stacey cried out in dismay. "Ha! Victory for Quinn!" Quinn shouted as she ran across the street. She paused to turn around and stick her tongue out at Stacey, just before a large piece of debris fell on top of her.

"Ow..." Quinn muttered in pain. "My... spine. It hurts so much," she whimpered. "Huh," Stacey said as she watched Quinn crawl out from under the debris and slowly make her way back to her base. "Well, I guess this counts as some kind of victory... sort of. I'm going to bed," Stacey muttered as she walked past Andrea.

Andrea followed her into the house and closed the door. On the outside of the door was GIR, whose dog disguise was half melted, revealing one of his blue eyes and part of his metal face. GIR was silent as he fell forward and landed on the ground. Opening the door again, Stacey saw GIR lying face down.

Mentally deciding on her options, Stacey grabbed GIR and dragged him into the house. "Um, what's that?" Jane asked as she saw GIR. "Jane, this is GIR. Remember? He was standing outside with us before that robot exploded," Stacey responded. "Um... I was kind of paying more attention to the ED-209 look-alike than anything," Jane said.

"Please, that didn't look like ED-209," Stacey said. "Yeah, it looked more like one of those chicken walkers from Star Wars," Daria said. "Wait, we'll use the pictures I took to-oh yeah," Stacey said dismally as she remembered that she had no pictures of the machine. "So, what do we do with GIR?" Daria asked. "We find out what he knows about Quinn's plans and her tactics," Stacey said.

"Tactics? _What_ tactics?" Jane asked. "The lunatic decided to attack you directly with a robot that had a faulty cloaking device. Everyone in town has probably seen her by now," Jane continued. "Jane, you are forgetting the collective intelligence of Lawndale. Most people here will probably just shrug it off and not even care unless it affects them directly," Daria said with a frown.

"I guess you're right," Jane said reluctantly with a sigh. Suddenly, GIR stood up and looked around. "Hiya!" GIR cried as he waved to the four girls around him. "You guys got any taquitos?" GIR asked them. "The robot eats people food?" Jane asked in shock. "Well, Irken technology is certainly advanced if they can make robots capable of eating food," Andrea said.

"You know what? Forget it. This night is already weird enough," Jane said. "Daria, I'll see you at school tomorrow," Jane said as she walked over to the door. "Jane, maybe you should stay here, at least for the night," Daria said. "Can't. These are my only clothes and they're covered in broken glass and smell like smoke," Jane said.

"Look, Dar, I'll see you tomorrow. No hard feelings, but this is a lot to take in, okay? I'm sure that one day we can all look back on this and laugh, but right now, I need some time alone so that I can process all of it," Jane explained. "I understand," Daria said with a nod. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jane," she said as Jane walked out the door.

Ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Daria walked over to answer it, and Helen Morgendorffer engulfed her daughter in a hug. "Oh, Daria! I'm so glad you're safe!" Helen practically sobbed. "I saw the explosion from the office. What happened?" Helen asked her.

"Um... I'm honestly not sure. I saw the air shimmering outside before it happened, so maybe there was a gas leak," Daria lied. "What!?" Stacey cried out. "Daria, you _saw_ Quinn's robot! Why would you lie about it!?" Stacey asked her. "Stacey, this is no time to start letting your imagination get the better of you," Helen said.

Daria frowned at Helen's response. She had personally hoping that Stacey would agree with her ruse, and thus Helen wouldn't accuse Stacey of anything. "But I'm not making it up! Look at GIR!" Stacey said as she showed him to Helen. "Honey, put that dog outside and let his owners find him," Helen said.

Daria's jaw dropped at her mother's apparent stupidity. Daria waked into the kitchen and returned to the living room with a bag of potato chips. "Here," she said as she gave the bag to GIR. GIR ripped open the bag and began devouring the chips. "Daria! Don't give that to a dog," Helen reprimanded her. "Are you serious?" Daria asked her in disbelief.

Helen was about to reply when there was a knock at the the door. Andrea walked over to answer it and was suddenly glomped by her mother. "Andrea! What happened!?" Tak asked her. "Are you hurt?" Tak asked her daughter. "No, I-I'm fine," Andrea said as Tak loosened her grip on her daughter.

"You're sure? You aren't lying to keep me from worrying, are you?" Tak asked her daughter. "No, Mom, I'm not lying. I'm fine," Andrea protested. "Okay, but I'm still going to comb over you once we get home," Tak said. Tak looked over at the living room and saw GIR eating a bag of potato chips.

"What is that?" Tak asked. "That's GIR," Stacey replied. "Hi!" GIR said as he turned around and waved at Tak with a smiled before he resumed eating the chips. "Hear that barking? He clearly wants more, and I'm not giving him any," Helen said as she picked up the robot and carried him outside. "Be a good boy and wait for your owners to come around," Helen said as she returned to the living room.

Tak stared at her in disbelief. "Come on... Andrea. We should... we should be getting back home," Tak said as she ushered her daughter out of the Morgendorffer house. "It was nice seeing you again, Daria. You as well, Stacey," Tak said before she closed the door behind her.

* * *

**Inside The Massive...**

Tallest Red sighed and rubbed his temples as he drank a large cup of creevok juice through a straw. "Sirs, we've received a signal from Earth. It's a self-destruct signal, from a Megadoomer RX-3 battle mech," a communications officer announced. "Do you think Quinn was inside it?" Purple as his co-Tallest.

Red sighed and looked up at the ceiling of the bridge. "Knowing her luck? Probably not," Red said with another sigh before he resumed sipping his juice. "Okay, let's go check up on Skoodge, and prepare a small special operations team to check on Invader Tenn on Meekrob and possibly extract her alive," Red said firmly.

"Before she received those malfunctioning SIR units, she'd made some decent progress with her mission, making her one of only four invaders to display any real competency so far," Red explained as he saw Purple raise a hand in a questioning manner. "Oh, okay," Purple said. "I'd rather not lose someone who actually has some skill," Red muttered to himself.

* * *

**Later, At The Morgendorffer Household...**

Stacey laid back on her bed and looked out the window at the winter night sky. "Dammit," she muttered to herself as she set her alarm clock. She was just about to head to the bathroom for the last time, when she heard something loud crash into the backyard. Quickly rushing downstairs, Quinn walked into the kitchen and opened the back door, looking at the Irken ship that had landed there.

The cockpit opened and, instead of Quinn, GIR jumped out. "G-GIR? What are you doing?" Stacey asked the little robot. He was wearing a platypus disguise instead of his dog one. "For the potato chips! I want some more!" GIR said.

"Okay. Say, GIR, if I give you four bags of potato chips, will you let me keep this... ship?" Stacey asked him. "Sure!" GIR cried out happily. Stacey smirked in victory as she walked inside the house and grabbed four large bags of potato chips from a cupboard and handed them to GIR. He gladly accepted them and activated his thrusters, flying into the air and going back home.

Stacey looked at the ship in her back yard. Unbeknownst to her, it was called a Spittle Runner, and it was in the second crate that had been accidentally delivered to Quinn. "Christmas comes early this year. Thank you, GIR," Stacey said before she grabbed a tarp from the ground and threw it over the ship.

She went back inside and saw Daria watching her from the living room. "You know, Dad doesn't keep anything valuable in the garage, and there are some power sockets to plug a computer into in there," Daria said. "Tomorrow, before school?" Stacey asked her sister.

"Before the parental units wake up," Daria replied. "Sounds good. See you then," Stacey said as she and Daria walked up the stairs. "Wait... who gets the bathroom first?" Daria asked rhetorically. She and Stacey glanced at each other before rushing into the door frame, each trying to push the other sister away.

* * *

Ending Theme: Date of Rebirth, by Origa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the title of this episode is a reference to Mobile Suit Gundam. Also, the next episode is the X-Mas episode!


	5. The Most Cynical X-Mas Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn learns about the celebration of Christmas, and plans to use humanity's love of the holiday as part of her most diabolical scheme yet in her attempts to take over the Earth.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 017/2-005: The Most Cynical X-Mas Ever

* * *

Date: Saturday, December 14th, 2097

The Irken Armada swarmed around the planet Blorch. Hundreds of ships, including Shuvvers, Spittle Runners, Rippers, Battalion Carriers, and Viral Tanks approached with ominous intent and thousands of soldiers awaited their orders. Inside the various carrier class vessels, dozens of hover tanks, spider tanks, Cyclops-mechs, and other exotic weapons were sitting around, being maintained by maintenance crews who were anxious for these machines to be put to use.

Meanwhile, onboard The Massive, Almighty Tallest Red and Purple were on a mechanical plateau of sorts while hundreds of Irken soldiers were amassed below them. Above, adorning the walls of the room, were several large screens, including one gigantic screen that dominated the middle of the hull.

"Greetings, Irken soldiers! Welcome, planetary conversion team!" Tallest Red announced with a smile. "It is our pleasure to announce the conquering of the first planet to fall to the mighty Irken Empire during Operation Impending Doom Two!" "Woo!" one lone Irken shouted happily, just before the rest of the crowd erupted into cheers. "Yeah! Almighty Tallest ROCK!"

"And so, let's all give a big thanks... to Invader Quinn, for not being here with us!" Red said with a grin. Purple looked at him in confusion, and even the majority of the Irken soldiers were unsure of what to make of his statement. "You see, if Quinn hadn't gotten herself exiled to... wherever planet Earth is located, she would be here... right now... with us. Ruining _everything_ ," Red explained.

"And we all remember how she ruined Impending Doom One," Purple said. "I don't," one Irken said out loud. Purple pointed at the Irken in the audience. "Seize that guy, and... uh, throw him out of an airlock!" Purple ordered. Two security guards flew down into the crowd using thruster packs and grabbed an Irken, hauling him into the air and shoving him into an upper level airlock. His screams were cut short when the doors closed and he was shot out into space, suffocating to death.

Purple smiled with half-lidded eyes. "That was the wrong guy, but... well, that's okay with me," he said. "Yeah, try using a sensor ring to detain the right person next time," Red said to him quietly. "Anyway, I'm certain that everyone here gets the point, right? So, wanna give a big cheer for Quinn... you know, for being so far away?" Red asked the crowd. Everyone erupted into cheers.

"Yeah!" "Woohoo!" "All right!" "Invader Quinn _**ROCKS!**_ " "My antenna itches!" "Nachos are awesome!" "Yeah!" The crowd was going wild.

The lights in the room soon began flashing near the gigantic screen. "Ooh, we have an incoming transmission. Everyone be quiet!" Red said. "It's coming from Quinn," Purple said as he checked the transmission signal.

Everyone hushed as Quinn appeared on the screen, wearing an outfit that consisted of blue suspenders over a red shirt with a red hat with a white circle and the letter M and a fake mustache. "Um, hello, Quinn," Red said. " _Hello. I'm dressed as a plumber,_ " Quinn stated with a smile. "Okay," Purple said flatly.

Everyone else cheered for Quinn. " _Yes, thank you,_ " Quinn said with a smile. " _But enough! Studying this planet's weather patterns, the Earth is currently undergoing its winter stage within its orbital cycle. I am going to compare the winter season of Earth with the winter seasons of other planets within the Empire and see if anything unusual sets it apart. I must make certain that the seasonal changes on Earth do not make it unsuitable for the Empire when it is finally conquered,_ " Quinn explained.

"Uh-huh," Red said, not really caring. " _Also, I have noticed an unusual phenomenon lately, as around largely populated areas, humans wearing red suits and white beards have begun appearing outside and inside of various retail outlets. I am going to conduct a further investigation later today,_ " Quinn said. "That's nice. Anyway, we're about to begin the organic sweep of planet Blorch," Purple said.

" _Blorch? The home of the slaughtering rat people!? Someone managed to survive down there long enough to conquer it!? Who_ _ **is**_ _this amazing person?_ " Quinn asked in disbelief.

"Well, that would be Invader Skoodge," Red said. " _Skoodge? Short and ugly Skoodge? Most impressive! Give him my regards, for I must now study the jolly red retail men. Invader Quinn, signing off!_ " Red looked over at Purple. "Why did you tell her that?" he asked Purple. "Tell her what?" Purple asked him. "The organic sweep. If it were any planet other than Blorch, she probably would have tried to join us," Red whispered in anger.

"Oops," Purple replied quietly. "Anyway, where's Skoodge?" Red asked. At that moment, the door to the platform opened and Skoodge walked in, surrounded by floating camera-bots. "No," Red whispered to Purple. "This can't be right. That can _not_ be the poster boy for galactic conquest," he whispered.

"He's so... short," Red continued whispering. "And ugly. I mean, look at him," Purple added as Skoodge walked forward to greet them. "Greetings, My Tallest! As the invader responsible for this planet's downfall, I get to launch the traditional cannon sweep, right?" Skoodge asked them eagerly.

"Well, yeah-" "So that no Irken foot has to come into contact any unsavory alien filth. Who-ah!" Skoodge said before farting. "Uh... there's a 'new' tradition now, Skoodge," Red said before he pulled Purple close and whispered into his tiny ears. Purple nodded in agreement before pulling away. "Man, you're UGLY!" Purple exclaimed. "And short," Skoodge added proudly with a smile and a nod.

"Yes, but, anyway. There's a new tradition, Skoodge. See, instead of _launching_ the organic cannon sweep, you get to _be launched_ as part of the cannon sweep," Red said with a grin. The gears immediately began turning in Skoodge's head as he heard this, and his smile soon became a nervous frown.

Soon, a large cannon as brought up and connected to an airlock. One end of the cannon was opened for Skoodge to enter it. The short Irken gulped. "Go on," Purple said with a smile. Skoodge hesitantly climbed inside the cannon, with Red and Purple slamming the hatch closed on him. The cannon then moved forward, as the airlock produced a gel to cover the space between the cannon and its internal walls as the cannon barrel protruded out of it.

A series of cords and tubes descended from the ceiling of the room and attached themselves to the cannon, along with one giant flexible pipe. After securely attaching itself to the cannon, a series of lights running the length of both the cannon and the pipe began to flicker and glow brightly. "Now, launch the cannon sweep!" Purple shouted.

The cannon fired, sending Skoodge flying through space, his thin PAK-produced helmet threatening to tear away from him as he screamed in anguish and terror while heading for the surface of Blorch. Inside The Massive, Red and Purple smiled as they saw the fiery blob that was Skoodge become smaller and smaller until it disappeared.

Red then pointed to an Irken, named Grapa, in the audience, before accessing a control panel and activating a sensor ring around the Irken's feet. "You! Your name is now Skoodge, conqueror of Blorch!" Red said as the camera-bots flew down and began taking snapshots and footage of him. Grapa, now "Skoodge", smiled and posed for the cameras.

Red and Purple looked back out the windows of the giant room, watching with smiles as the Armada commenced its attack. Lasers and missiles were fired from various ships, streaming through the planet's atmosphere and slowly reducing the surface to ashes, scorched dirt, and glass. "Ah, so, what should we do with Blorch? I mean, what will we convert it into?" Red asked Purple.

"Uh... a giant shopping center?" Purple suggested. "Sure!" Red agreed. "Attention, planetary conversion team! Blorch will be converted into a giant shopping center! And its lone moon will become a parking structure!" Red announced. The crowd again erupted into cheers, and automated food and beverage dispensers began distributing snacks and drinks to the Irkens.

* * *

**Lawndale, Pennsylvania, Earth...**

Standing on the sidewalks of Dega Street, Quinn watched as the various denizens of Lawndale passed her by. "You, watch the dog eat snow!" Quinn shouted at random people while GIR consumed various amounts of snow on the ground. The snow was still lightly falling, and it had been doing so for the past three days.

"I don't get it," Quinn said to herself. "If people are amazed enough at men wearing red outfits whilst jingling bells to give them money, then surely they should be amazed by the sight of a dog eating snow!" GIR burped and then laughed. Quinn ignored him as she studied one of the red-suited men who was standing outside of The Zon, ringing a bell for people to put money into a large container.

"Hmm... how do I learn more about these jolly red men? If I just go ask someone, they might become suspicious of someone in my disguise's age group asking such a question, and I am not short enough to be mistaken for a young curious child," Quinn mumbled as she began formulating a plan to capture one of these red-suited, white-bearded joy beasts.

She glanced over at GIR, watching as he made a snow angel. The sight reminded her of one of her candy-selling strategies from the fund raiser. _That's it! I still have that disguise back at the base!_ "Come, GIR. We have work to do at the base," Quinn said as she grabbed GIR's leash and dragged him behind her. "Wee!" GIR cried as Quinn dragged him through the snow-covered sidewalks.

Quinn stopped in her tracks as she saw a sign next to a store announcing a visit with a mall santa later that night at Cranberry Commons. Quinn didn't know what a santa was, but she did recognize the image of the red-suited man with the white beard. "Excellent," she said to herself with a smile.

* * *

**Lawndale Mall, aka "Cranberry Commons", Later That Night...**

Inside the Lawndale Mall, hundreds of people were walking around, shopping. Near the food court of the mall, there was a line of people; parents and children, who eagerly waited to sit on the lap of "Santa" and tell him what they wanted for Christmas. Quinn had arrived with GIR, and was waiting in line. GIR was wearing the little boy disguise that he'd used during their fundraiser escapade, while Quinn was wearing a newly designed tall woman disguise, which glided across the floor.

At the food court, watching this, were Daria and Jane. "There she goes. There she goes again," Jane said with a hint of singing in her tone. "What do you think she's doing in a line waiting for the mall santa?" Daria asked her after sipping her soda.

"She's probably going to ask for world domination," Jane said. "You know, I think she probably would," Daria said in agreement. "But, given her disguise, and the fact that GIR is with her, I'm guessing that GIR was the one who dragged her here for this," Daria said after a moment of studying Quinn and GIR.

"What a weird little robot," Jane said. "Eh, he's kind of... yeah, he's weird," Daria said. "And probably insane," she added. "So, when do you want to start on Mr. O'Neill's holiday assignment?" Jane asked her. "Hey, Jane, do you think I could ask Santa to give us a more competent English teacher?" Daria asked her.

"Sorry, I tried that last year. It didn't work," Jane said with a smirk. "But, the project? Yeah, I guess we'll start working on it after we get back to your place," Daria said as she finished her pizza and got up. Jane grabbed her soda and trays and walked over to the trash cans. "Should we prod them?" Jane asked Daria as they made their way past the alien duo.

Daria glanced in Quinn's direction and saw Quinn avert her eyes from her. "Nah," Daria said as she and Jane continued their trek away from the food court. Quinn, listening to them, sighed in relief. While she would never admit it out loud, she was intimidated by Daria. It was ironic, she thought, that Stacey, who actively opposed her, was merely an annoyance, while Daria, who only acted against her when provoked, was a certified threat.

After another thirty minutes of waiting, it was GIR's turn to sit on the jolly man's lap. "Well, what would you like for Christmas, little boy or girl?" the mall santa asked. "I wants me a barrel of floss!" GIR stated. "Mm hmm." "And I wants me two balls of glue... TO BE MY FRIENDS!" GIR exclaimed. "Uh, okay," the mall santa said. "And I wants to go dancing... NAKED!" "What the-" "And I wants..."

**TWO HOURS LATER...**

The mall santa listened to GIR continue with his list, shaking and almost ready to break out and scream. "And I wants a chair made of cheese, and a table made of cheese, and-" "N-No! No more! No more! Someone, get this kid away from me!" the mall santa exclaimed.

"Aw, my little child just loves you and wants to - NOW GIR!" Quinn declared. GIR jumped off of the mall Santa's lap, and the stomach area of Quinn's human suit opened up to reveal a large tube, which sucked the mall santa into it. "Help!" he screamed before the tube closed and retracted into Quinn's suit. "Now, GIR, we must hurry before anyone notices!" Quinn said, not noticing a red-headed teenage boy staring at them slack-jawed.

"What the hell just happened?" Charles "Upchuck" Ruttheimer III asked rhetorically as he watched Quinn glide across the floor, followed closely by GIR. "Hey, are you gonna buy that?" someone asked him. "Huh?" Upchuck asked before he looked at the DVD in his hands.

* * *

**Deep In The Bowels Of Quinn's Base...**

Inside one of Quinn's labs, the mall santa was strapped to a table, much like the one that Squid-Man had been strapped to several weeks earlier. On a table next to him was a bowl of various candies. He eyed them nervously, until a voice called out, getting his attention.

"No candy for you, Chub-Monster!" Quinn said. GIR walked over and began devouring the candy. "Not until you tell me everything you know about these red-suited men who smell of ham and _vomit!_ " Quinn demanded, stressing the final word. "Oh, you mean... Santa," the mall santa said.

Quinn raised an eyelid. "And you are this... San-tah?" she asked him. "N-No. See, I'm one of... Santa's helpers," the mall santa said. "Indeed. And you helpers all report to this... Santa?" Quinn asked him. "Well, no one's ever really seen the real Santa, as far as I know, but the world over loves him," the mall santa said as his eyes rolled around.

"Everyone? As in, everyone in the world would do what Santa asks of them?" Quinn asked curiously. "Probably," the mall santa replied. "Interesting," Quinn said. She then got an idea. She got a wonderful, horrible idea! "Computer, probe him for more data. I have work to do," Quinn said before a series of mechanical devices descended from the ceiling of the lab, including needles and tubes.

Quinn turned away as she listened to the mall Santa's screams. "I hope I still have that Vortian data liquid," she said as she watched the various images of data flow across the screen in front of her. She saw eggnog, men dressed as Santa, people giving each other gifts, some brown-skinned baby in a primitive kitchen and three guys with weird outfits holding strange items, mentions of pagan rituals, a small furry creature with large ears, a guy with blue jeans and a white A-shirt and no shoes holding a submachine gun, snowmen, a green guy with a large sleigh and a dog wearing fake antlers, and more. Quinn began to chuckle as her idea became more fleshed out in her head, before the chuckling became full-on maniacal laughter, mixing in with the blood-curdling screams of the mall santa.

* * *

[Begin Montage of Quinn creating something in her lab, set to a variation of "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" For the sake of enjoyment, please pretend that Boris Karloff is singing this.]

_You're a sick one, Invader Quinn!_

Quinn smiles and retrieves a container of liquid from a cold storage room.

_You really are insane!_

GIR attaches a red ball to his face and laughs. Quinn scowls at him.

_You're as slimy as a Rhork Beast, you're as healthy as raw veal._

Quinn attaches a welding mask to her faces as she uses a cutting torch on something.

_You're as cuddly as Rush Limbaugh, you're as charming as my feet, Invader Qui~inn!_

GIR shoves ice cream into his mouth. Quinn laughs at something maniacally and pours some of the Vortian liquid into a vat.

_You're a bad banana with a... greasy, black peel!_

GIR activates a machine that zaps electricity inside an arc, soon producing an elf-variation of his dog disguise. GIR jumps and and down with joy.

Quinn presses some buttons on a terminal and looks up at something before smiling in a most unusual manner, as though her mouth had been drawn and animated by Chuck Jones.

_You're a monster, Invader Quinn!_

Quinn looks at the now dead mall Santa lying on the slab from earlier. She orders the computer to remove his body but keep the outfit. The mall Santa is whisked away, and the clothes are returned to Quinn on mechanical arms and hooks. Quinn smiles.

_Your heart's an eemmpty hooole!_

Quinn tries on the santa suit and finds that it is too loose. She throws it off angrily before walking over to a computer terminal.

 _Your brain is full of spiders, you've got arsenic in your soul, Invader Qui~inn!_ "

Quinn smiles evilly as she forces Tommy Sherman to model for a Santa suit. She rubs her chin in thought before taking the suit off of him and forcing him back into his tank.

_I wouldn't touch you with a... thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pooolle!_

Quinn holds up to test tubes with different liquids, comparing them before mixing them together in a larger cup. The mixture bubbles and churns before calming down. Quinn smiles at her progress.

_You're a vile one, Invader Quinn._

GIR dances to an unheard tune while Quinn uses a retractable measuring tape to measure something.

_You've got blood stains in your smile!_

Quinn watches data flash across a computer screen, nodding her head while reading.

_You have all the tender sweetness of a rancid vomit pile, Invader Qui~inn!_

Quinn fires a laser pistol at a large gelatinous blob, which absorbs the blast. The smoke disappears and the burn mark heals quickly.

_Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the rancid vomit piiille!_

GIR melts a ball of snow in a cup and then splashes it on Quinn. Because the water comes from outside, where the natural environment is polluted, Quinn is burned by the water and she screams in agony. GIR grabs some ointment and applies it to her skin.

_You're a foul one, Invader Quinn._

Quinn locks GIR in a closet with a piece of string and a stick of gum.

_You're a rash, vindictive smeet!_

GIR plays with the string before putting the gum into his mouth and chewing it.

_Your heart is full of stained jock-straps, your soul is full of muck, Invader Qui~inn!_

Quinn folds her arms across her chest and watches through a window as several mechanical arms move back and forth in a sealed room.

_The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote:_

Quinn smiles.

_STINK!_

GIR blows the bubblegum bubble to epic proportions, blowing the door off the closet.

_STANK!_

Quinn turns around in surprise and scowls at GIR, who is covered in gum residue.

_STUNK!_

GIR jumps up and down in joy while Quinn shakes her head.

_You're a rotter, Invader Quinn._

Quinn looks at a data chart on a screen. GIR watches a TV show on another one.

_You're the queen of sinful sots!_

Quinn grabs GIR and flings him across the room after he splashes soda on the red cloth.

_Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy, purple spots, Invader Qui~inn!_

Quinn calls up the Tallest and shows them a diagram of her plan, causing them to scratch their heads in confusion.

_Your soul is an appalling dung heap, overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knoootts!_

Tallest Purple throws up after Quinn shows them a picture of something. Red covers his eyes and turns away, causing Quinn to frown in confusion at their actions.

_You nauseate me, Invader Quinn._

Red and Purple end the transmission on their end. Quinn merely shrugs her shoulders in response and returns to her project.

_With a nauseus super-naus!_

GIR walks over to Quinn and stares at her blankly.

_You're a crooked jerky jockey, and you drive a crooked haus, Invader Qui~inn!_

Quinn pulls a lever and watches something glow off-screen. Her eyes widen and she smiles in delight at her creation.

_You're a three-decker sauerkraut and tuna sandwich... with buffalo saaaaaauuce!_

Quinn grabs a remote and aims it at the blob from earlier. She presses a button and it inflates itself into the shape of a cuddly Santa. She presses the remote again and it transforms into a white man with a short beard and modest robes. Quinn grins and then laughs maniacally, with GIR joining her, and the screen fades to black.

[End Montage]

* * *

Date: Wednesday, December 18th, 2097

Stacey looked at the controls of the Spittle Runner. "I still can't figure out how this thing works," she whined. "I wish this thing had an instruction manual," she griped. "Wait, my mom might know how it works," Andrea said. "Yeah, that's right!" Stacey exclaimed in agreement. "But, she's at work right now, isn't she?" Stacey asked her.

"Oh, yeah. We'd have to wait until, like, the weekend or something," Andrea said as she leaned back against the hull of the small ship. "All I want for Christmas is an English-language instruction manual for my new space ship," Stacey sang... poorly.

"Hey, do you want me to grab a soda or something from your kitchen?" Andrea asked. "Huh?" Stacey replied. "Do you want me to grab a soda or something from the kitchen?" Andrea reiterated. "Sure," Stacey said as she resumed her attempts at activating the Spittle Runner.

Walking inside the house, Andrea saw Daria and Jane sitting on the couch, watching the TV while going over some homework. " _This Christmas, give your loved ones the gift of a brand new Six-Thousand SUX! Only $45,000.00!_ " "Please," Jane said in response to the commercial. "I wouldn't buy _that_ for a _dollar_."

"Change the channel?" Daria asked Jane. "Sure," Jane said as she grabbed the remote and began flipping through the various stations. " _-continue their war on Christmas!_ " Jane actually burst out laughing as she stopped on one of the news channels. "Ha! War! On Christmas! He-ha! This station has been covering this so-called war since the early 2000's and I don't think there's been a single casualty," Jane snickered.

"Except their viewers' patience," Daria quipped. "Not if you know who their viewers are," Jane said with a frown. "Let me guess... the entirety of Alabama and Mississippi," Daria said. "And Texas and Georgia, Virginia, and South Carolina," Jane added. " _Do you, an agnostic, think that there's a war on Christmas?_ " the talk show host asked his guest. " _I'm not entirely sure,_ " the agnostic replied.

Jane and Daria both stayed silent, until they realized what had just transpired. Andrea's eyes widened at the sight and sound of Daria laughing. " _Uh, hold on, we have a special report, live from Philadelphia,_ " the host said.

The screen then showed something very peculiar. " _Hello, my people! I have returned, oh yeah, to bring joy and happiness to the whole world!_ " "No. Way," Daria said as she saw who was on the TV. "Is that... it can't be!" Jane exclaimed. "Quinn..." Daria said with a glare as she looked at the alien who was dressed up as Yeshua of Nazareth.

"I would call this blasphemous, but that would require me being a staunch and ardent Christian," Daria said. "Although my parents, on the other hand..." she trailed off, remembering how they had forced her and Stacey to go to midnight mass every Christmas Eve when they lived in Texas, except when Jake's sister, Vanessa, showed up one year and took the girls to a soup kitchen to help feed the poor and homeless instead.

For some unfathomable reason, Helen had frowned upon Vanessa's actions. Daria and Stacey had decided to try using the soup kitchen as an excuse every year afterwards on Christmas Eve, until this year. "So... how many people do you think will fall for this?" Jane asked Daria.

"Jane, what percentage of our population is made of dumbasses?" Daria asked her. "Um, I think calling religious people dumbasses is a bit harsh," Jane said. "I was referring to blind followers and zealots," Daria retorted. "Um... I'd say most of Texas, ninety percent of Alabama, half of Virginia, eighty percent of Tennessee, most of Mississippi, and... well, the rest of the south, and let's not forget Utah, Nevada, and-" "So, like, sixty to seventy percent of the country," Daria said.

"Uh... yeah," Jane replied. "And Quinn; she's up to something," Daria said. "No shit, Sherlock! But, what?" Jane asked her. "This is how she'll take over. Manipulate the religious population and have them follow her every word," Daria said. "She may even use them to snuff out the moderates, non-believers, and anyone who tries to oust her, until only the blind zealots are left."

"Um... I think you might be giving Quinn too much credit," Jane said. "Remember, this is _Quinn_ we're talking about. Disguising herself as a revered religious figure may have simply been a stroke of blind luck on her part. And besides, common sense would indicate that Jesus was brown, not white. Anyone who actually follows the Bible or whatever would figure out that they're being played," Jane said.

"Jane, you do realize that most of America's Christian population firmly believe that Jesus, or Joshua, or however his name is actually pronounced, was white, regardless of what logic and common sense would dictate," Daria retorted. "Still, Quinn is bound to do something stupid and expose herself. Let's just see how she screws it up," Jane said.

"No, Jane, because I think my parents might be dumb enough to fall for it," Daria said. "Oh, come on, Dar, that's nonsense! Could anyone who produced _you_ be stupid enough to fall for Quinn's schemes?" Jane asked her. "Jane, when my mom saw GIR the other night, she genuinely thought that he was a real dog, even with his disguise being damaged. Okay? She thought that _**GIR**_ was a real dog!" Daria exclaimed.

"Holy shit," Jane said in wide-eyed amazement. "And don't even get me started on my father," Daria said. "Damn," Jane muttered. "Hey, Andrea, what's going on?" Stacey asked as she entered the living room. "Are we out of soda?" Stacey asked her. "Um, no. See..." Andrea trailed off as Stacey walked over to the couch and stared at the TV.

" _And so, I hope to unite the people of Earth in one location and bring all of the faithful and worthy to eternal salvation. The night in question will be the night of December 24th,_ " Quinn said with a smile as her green head poked through the white skin of the Yeshua suit. Stacey's mouth hung open in astonishment, before she finally spoke. "MUTHAFUCKA!"

* * *

Tak looked at the TV in the break room at the Delicious Food Stuffs Lawndale Branch, raising an eyebrow at the broadcast. "You have _got_ to be kidding me," she said as she saw through Quinn's disguise. She looked around at the employees who were on their breaks, and saw at least three of them staring wide-eyed and with strange looks on their faces.

"Uh-oh," Tak whispered as she realized how Quin had already managed to gain influence over parts of the population. _If anyone who follows Quinn is told to attack my daughter or Dib... I have no choice. I have to bring her back online tonight_ , Tak thought to herself as she left the break room quietly.

* * *

**Membrane Labs, Lawndale Facility**

Dib looked at the screen in puzzlement. "Gentlemen," he said. "We're going to have another bizarre Christmas incident," he concluded. "You mean like last year when that gorilla escaped from the zoo and over three hundred people thought that it was Santa Claus, just because it got a red Santa hat stuck on its head?" Dr. Manthei asked him.

"Yes," Dib replied solemnly. "Once again, many of our fellow Americans will blindly follow someone who isn't what we think they are or what they say they are," Dib explained to his co-workers. He noticed that while everyone else was nodding their heads in agreement, Jake Morgendorffer was suspiciously quiet.

"Professor Morgendorffer, is something wrong?" Dib asked him. "Huh?" Jake asked. "You've been unusually quiet," Dib explained. "Oh, I was just... remembering some of those horrible Christmases that I had to spend with my father. I've been getting better at controlling my rants," Jake lied.

"Ah. Well, try thinking of something more pleasant than your childhood. Think about your children, for example, and the holidays that you've spent with them," Dib suggested. "Uh, sure. Thanks," Jake said. "You're welcome," Dib replied as he turned away.

* * *

**The Membrane Household, Later That Night...**

Andrea opened the front door to find the lights already turned on. "Mom?" she called out, not seeing her father's car in the driveway. "In here," her mother responded from the kitchen. Andrea walked through the living room to find her mother sitting down with Mimi on the table. "I thought you'd put her back downstairs," Andrea commented.

"Yes, well... after the Megadoomer incident, and today's major news headline, I've begun reconsidering my position on waiting," Tak said. She looked up at her daughter and beckoned her to sit down. "Andrea, I'm going to activate Mimi, and give her to you," Tak said with a hint of hesitation in her voice.

"Mom, I-" "Just, please, listen," Tak said. "I know that Quinn may seem incompetent, but so did Zim when he first arrived on Earth. In fact, this Quinn actually seems very similar to him in many regards, and with that in mind, I want you to have a form of protection for when I'm not around," Tak said.

"Um, you know I can't take Mimi into school with me," Andrea said. "I know that. But, Mimi is very stealthy. She can easily wait outside the building and meet up with you after the last class has been let out," Tak explained.

Andrea looked at the robot and then back at her mother with a raised eyebrow. "Just wait until you see her cat disguise," Tak said. "Now, let's bring her back from hibernation," Tak said. "Wait, I didn't agree to this," Andrea protested. "Andrea, just because Quinn is incompetent or crazy doesn't mean that she isn't dangerous," Tak said.

"You and Stacey both said that she managed to steal multiple people's organs a couple months ago, including your own. That doesn't strike you as dangerous?" Tak asked her. "Well... the receptionist for the nurse's office did end up turning into a vegetable because Quinn took her brain and didn't replace it properly," Andrea admitted.

"Does that strike you as dangerous? Yes or no?" Tak asked her firmly. "Yes," Andrea sighed. "So, having a reliable form of protection such as Mimi doesn't seem like such a bad idea, does it?" Tak asked her. "I guess not," Andrea replied.

"Andrea, listen to me very carefully," Tak said to her daughter. "I know what Irkens are capable of. Even an incompetent lunatic like Quinn can cause untold amounts of destruction by sheer accident. Now, if someone is capable of that kind of destruction by accident, what do you think they would be capable of doing on purpose?" Tak asked her.

"Fine. Let's turn on the robot," Andrea said. Tak sighed and turned Mimi over. She opened a small panel on her back and inserted a small metal rod with a rubber cap on one end. She then closed the panel and tightly screwed the screws back into place. "Mimi, wake up," Tak said.

The robot remained still for a moment, until its eyes glowed red and Mimi pushed herself up, standing on the table. Mimi raised one arm in a salute of Tak, who saluted her back. Tak smiled as she looked at the robot. "Welcome back, Mimi," Tak said. Mimi nodded her head in response. "Oh, that's right. I don't have my psionic implant anymore," Tak said as she rubbed the back of her head.

"Mimi, are you okay with a small alteration to your headpiece?" Tak asked her. Mimi tilted her head curiously. "I'm going to give you a mouth and a voice modulator," Tak said. Mimi's eyes narrowed and then widened again in surprise. "Oh, Mimi, this is Andrea," Tak said as she dragged Andrea to her side.

Mimi looked at Andrea and studied her. "I know that the last time you saw her, she was very small, but she's grown since then. This is the same little human smeet who I pushed out of my body sixteen years ago," Tak said. Mimi looked at Andrea and then back at Tak.

"Mimi... from now on, you'll be Andrea's protector. Do you understand?" Tak asked the little robot. Mimi nodded her head in understanding. "Thank you, Mimi. Well, now that introductions are over, let's get you that new voice modulator. I couldn't find any in decent enough condition back on Dirt, but here... well, let's just say that I've had access to plenty of new material," Tak said as Mimi jumped off the table and landed on the floor, following her to the basement door.

* * *

**Deep Inside Quinn's Base...**

Quinn sat back in a chair and stepped out of the Yeshua disguise. "Ah, phase one is a success!" she exclaimed happily. "GIR, did you see the way those humans were hanging on every word I said? It was glorious! I should have done something like this much sooner," Quinn said. "Weeoooh!" GIR cried out happily in his elf disguise.

"GIR, you can take off the elf disguise," Quinn said to him. "I like the ears," GIR replied with a smile. "Uh-huh. Whatever. Look, tomorrow, we initiate phase two," Quinn said. "That's my favorite phase!" GIR cried. "I haven't even told you what's in it yet," Quinn said. "Oh yeeaaaahh," GIR said in realization.

"Why did I take you out of Duty Mode again?" _You are a threat to the mission! You must be terminated!_ "He-heh, oh yeah, now I remember," Quinn said sheepishly. "Now, to begin the tour of the continent, gathering support from the, uh, um, the... whatever those people with the weird outfits are called. Pests or something," Quinn said.

She and GIR began devouring a bag full of candy as they planned the next day's activities.

* * *

Date: Friday, December 20th, 2097

Daria and Stacey looked at their parents with concern as they found them sitting on the couch, watching the TV. "Haven't they gone to sleep yet? It's six thirty in the morning," Stacey whispered to her sister. Daria walked over in front of her parents and saw their blood-shot eyes as they watched the continuous news coverage of "Yeshua" and his return.

" _Yes, the whole world is celebrating the return of Jesus, and while some are nay-saying, we here at Box News are accepting this with joy! We have on the ground reporters speaking with the returned Jesus right now, and interviews with his followers!_ " Box host Ozeemo Cameron said.

There was a cut to a woman standing on a side walk next to her three children. " _My heart just explodes with joy!_ " she said, before a wet popping sound was heard and she fell face-first to the ground, dead. There was a cut to another man standing in front of a store. " _I can't believe he's back!_ " he said ecstatically.

" _Buy a used car from-_ " " _Eh-heh, okay, maybe we need to be more selective about who we interview,_ " Ozeemo said. " _Anyway, from tonight until Christmas Day, we'll be featuring a slew of Christmas movies on Box. Tonight, we start with a glorious film called Saving Christmas, which was produced by my great-great grandfather, Kirk Cameron!_ " Ozeemo said happily.

Daria backed away from the couch and stared at the TV. "The horror. The horror," she whispered to herself. " _Now, for our interview with Christ himself!_ " Ozeemo exclaimed with an insane smile. The screen showed Quinn in her Yeshua disguise talking to a Box News reporter, who seemed rather uninterested in what he was doing.

" _So tell me, uh... Joshua, now that you've... reprised, err, returned to Earth, what will you do?_ " " _I thought I already explained that,_ " Quinn replied. " _Uh, yeah, but that was to a reporter from a different station. We're... Box News,_ " the reporter said with a slight hint of disgust in his voice.

" _Well, I plan to bring all of you poor little Earth-monkeys to a special location in the North Pole, where everyone will finally see the light of salvation!_ " Quinn said. " _Um, everyone?_ " the reporter asked. " _Oh yes. Eh-heh,_ _ **everyone**_ _,_ " Quinn said with a gleam in her eyes.

"Stacey... grab your stuff, and pack. We're staying at Jane's house for a while," Daria said quietly as she rushed over to the stairs where her sister was waiting. "But, Mom and Dad-" "I think they're in a trance right now. Get your stuff; your tooth brush, tooth paste, extra clothes, laptop, and anything else to last until next week is over," Daria said.

"I'm going to grab some things from my room, and then I'm going to call Jane and let her know what's going on," Daria said as she ran past Stacey and up into her room. Stacey looked back over at Jake and Helen, who had near-manic smiles on their faces as they watched Quinn continue speaking. Stacey gulped.

* * *

**Later, After School...**

Daria slammed the door shut behind her after Jane, Stacey, and Andrea rushed in. "Did we lose them!?" Andrea asked in panic. "I-I don't... I don't know," Jane said as she got onto her hands and knees and crawled over to the window to look outside. "Yeah, looks like the coast is clear," Jane said.

"Hey, Janey, what's going on?" Jane's older brother, Trent, asked as he walked into the living room. He appeared to have just woken up. "School. Peers. Insane! Teachers... useless! Only Bitters and DeMartino sane!" Jane said. "And Mr. Deckard," Stacey said. "Yeah, but he boarded himself in his classroom to keep everyone else out before he opened the window and ran away. He practically abandoned everyone," Andrea said.

"Wait, how did he get out of the school? I thought that Miss Li still had those iron bars over the windows from the lice incident," Jane said. "No, that lice exterminator took all of her team's equipment back with her when they were finished. They weren't dumb enough to trust Miss Li with using it appropriately," Daria said.

"Hey, there's a strange black cat sitting on the lawn," Jane said as she looked out the window again. "Does it have red eyes?" Andrea asked her. "Uh, yeah, it does," Jane replied. "Open the door and let her in," Andrea said. "What?" Daria asked her as Andrea pushed her aside and unlocked the door. "Mimi, come on!" Andrea called out. Mimi dashed forward, diving between Andrea's legs and perching herself on a table in the living room of Casa Lane.

"When did you get a cat?" Jane asked her. "Mimi's not a cat," Andrea said. Jane looked at Mimi. "Um... looks like a cat to me," Jane said. "Mimi... show them your true form," Andrea said to the robot, who disengaged her hologram and revealed her true form. "Another one!?" Jane asked.

"Jane, you don't remember when you ate at my house for Thanksgiving? When my parents were talking about their youth and my mom had Mimi with her? That just, like, slipped your mind or something?" Andrea asked her. "Um... I thought that robot was turned off or not working properly anymore," Jane replied.

"Jane, Andrea's mom said that it was in hibernation mode or something," Daria said. "Sorry," Jane said. "Um... okay," Trent said before he walked upstairs. "I think I can write a song about this," he said before he disappeared. "Don't mention anyone by name!" Andrea called out. "Please, he probably doesn't even remember your name," Jane said.

"Hey," Daria said as she inspected Mimi, "I don't remember that little grill being on her face before." "That's because Mom added a voice modulator to her," Andrea said. "Oh, neat," Stacey said. "Hey, Do you have a TV in your house?" Stacey asked Jane. "Yeah. There's one in the living room, and one upstairs," Jane replied.

"Good. We need to see where Quinn is making her next appearance, and I know just what station will be focusing all of its attention on her," Stacey said as she made her way into the living room. Andrea and Mimi followed her. " _We now cut live to Harrisburg, where Jesus is gathering a huge crowd in City Island Park! According to our last interview with the Messiah, he plans to hold a huge rally there tonight with special modifications to the stadium's infrastructure! We'll have at least six reporters from our station there!_ "

Andrea looked at Stacey and saw the look in her eyes. "Stace, you aren't seriously thinking about going there just to expose her, are you? How would you even get there in time anyway?" Andrea asked her. "I'll find a way," Stacey said as she walked back toward the front door. "Daria, do you still have that learner's permit from when we lived in Highland?" Stacey asked.

"Um, that permit isn't valid here in Pennsylvania, Stace. It was from a different state. I have to get a new permit from PennDOT," Daria replied. "Oh, right," Stacey said with her head lowered in disappointment. "Stacey. Don't do this. Not on your own," Andrea said. "I have to. I am Earth's defender!" Stacey exclaimed. "Stacey, calm the hell down," Daria said.

* * *

** Later That Night... **

Quinn looked out at the huge crowd that had gathered in the stadium and the of City Island Park. "Yes," she whispered. "We love you, Jesus!" she heard several humans shouting in what sounded like ecstasy. "My goodness, look at those..." Quinn noticed the small humans in the crowd, " _children!_ "

She then felt something begin to stir in the Yeshua costume. "What was that?" she asked herself. "Eh, probably nothing," she said to herself dismissively. She watched as her robot elves began to glide out onto the stage.

" **Ladies and Gentlemen of Earth... I give you... Yeshua of Nazareth!** " a robotic voice announced. The crowd was silent, save for one person. "Yeshua of Nazareth ROCKS!" Otherwise, there was only the sound of crickets chirping and the wind blowing softly. " **I mean... Jesus Christ!** " The crowd erupted into loud obnoxious cheers. "Yeah, Jesus Christ ROCKS!" someone shouted. At this moment, Quinn appeared on the stage in her Yeshua costume, with her green head still sticking out. _Morons_ , she thought to herself as she sat down on an elaborately decorated throne.

" **And now... for a grand and wonderful song, brought to you by our magnificent robot elves!** "

IT'S SING ALONG TIME!

" _ **Bow Down! Bow Down!**_ "

People in the crowd cheer and wipe tears from their faces as Quinn blows kisses and waves at them all in grand gestures.

" _ **Bow Down! Bow Down! Before the Power of Jesus!**_ "

Quinn smiles at everyone in a manner that seems innocent at first glance, but is also quite dangerous and scheming to those who know her.

 _ **Or Be Crushed! Be Crushed! By... His Jolly Beard of Love!**_ "

The song began again, and once more the crowd sang along. "Ah," Quinn said as they finished singing. "Now, for everyone here, and for those of you watching at home, I have a special announcement to make. Ahem, this year will see the beginning of a new Christmas tradition!"

The crowd gasped. "It's called... the yuletide 'Helping Jesus Build a Giant Teleporter to Send All Humans to Their Doom!" Quinn said with a smile. In the crowd, Jake Morgendorffer raised a hand in a questioning manner. "Um, Jesus? Will being sent to our doom be fun and Christmasey?" he asked. "Of course it will, you hideous fool! How else will you be accepted into... um, err, uh, _happy place land_ if you don't die first?" Quinn replied.

The crowd then erupted into cheers and happiness. "Hooray!" "I'm gonna make some waffles!" "Salvation ROCKS!" "I like snow!" "Yeah! "Yay!" "Yippee!" Quinn chuckled and smiled at her now blind and zealous followers. "Ah, now, these Labor Sleighs here will take you to the North Pole, where you will begin construction on the teleporter pad. It must be finished by Christmas Eve, however, or else you will have to wait until next year to receive salvation!" Quinn announced.

The labor sleighs began to descend from the sky, piloted by her robot elves and fitted with auto-pilot systems. "Um, Jesus Lord?" asked a large overweight woman on the stage. _How did she get there without being noticed!?_ "Before we go to the North Pole, these kids would just love to hug you and express their love for you," the woman said.

Quinn looked at the cute, diabetes-inducing little children. One of them, a bug-eyed girl with a saccharin voice, stepped forward and begged. "Pweeeeeease, Jesus? Pweeeeeee [gasp for breath] eeeeeaaase?" she begged. Quinn turned away. "Great Ghost of Dookie!" Quinn exclaimed. "She's too cute!"

Quinn then regained her composure and turned to face the children again. "Um... sure, you... little filthy dirt monsters. Come here and... hug Jesus," Quinn said reluctantly. The children bounded forward and latched onto her. "I feel the love of God! It feels artificial!" one of them cried out joyously.

 _Wait_ , Quinn thought. _Something's happening to the suit!_ "N-No! Noooooohhhhh, come here, you little goobas! Aw, Yeshua loves you all so much!" Quinn cried out as she grabbed the children and hugged them back. "GIR, robot elves! Give gifts to these people! Give them everything, and let none go hungry!" Quinn cried out with tears in her eyes.

"Okie dokie!" GIR said as he wagged his little doggy tail. GIR and the robot elves began grabbing various pieces of equipment and throwing them at the crowd. GIR grabbed a large candy cane and chucked it at someone, decapitating them by accident.

Soon, however, Quinn regained control of the suit. "Ew, get off me!" she cried as she threw the children off of her and into the snow and the crowd. "I didn't tell the suit to do that," she said to herself.

"What's wrong... Yeshua?" Quinn snapped her head over to see Stacey, standing on the stage. "How do these people keep getting up here!?" Quinn asked herself. "What are _you_ doing here?" Quinn asked Stacey. Stacey ignored her and turned to face the crowd.

"Listen, all of you! How do you know that this is the true... um, Yeshua!? Huh? How do you know that this isn't someone dressed up as him, playing you for fools!?" Stacey shouted at them. The crowd began to whisper and murmur amongst themselves. "Of _course_ I'm the real Jesus!" Quinn cried out. "I have robot elves, see?" she asked.

"Robot elves! Just like in the Bible!" Jake Morgendorffer cried out from in the crowd, causing everyone to nod their heads in agreement. "What!?" Stacey cried out in astonishment. "What passages of the bible had robot elves!? In fact, what religious text _anywhere_ has robot elves!?" Stacey cried out. One man raised his hands. "Um, the works of L. Ron-" "Don't mention that scumbag's name!" Stacey snapped.

"But... he's white! And he has elves! He has to be Jesus!" someone cried out. "B-But-" Stacey was cut off as the crowd began throwing things at her, including a car. She ducked out of the way as the car, an old Ford Pinto, crashed into the stage and burst into flames. "Now, now," Quinn said to the audience. "Jesus loves _all_ of the little boys and girls of Earth... except the ones filled with lies!" she screamed.

"Robot Elves, seize the non-believer, and throw her into the Jingle Jail!" Quinn ordered. The robot elves glided forward and grabbed onto Stacey, hauling her backstage and into the halls of the stadium, where they threw her into a small jail cell made out of what looked like giant candy canes. "Quinn, you won't get away with this!" Stacey cried. "Oh, I believe I already have," Quinn whispered in response.

Back in the crowd, however, Jake and Helen looked at the stage. "Jake, that crazy girl looked and sounded a lot like Stacey," Helen muttered. "Honey, please! We didn't bring either of the girls here with us, and you know that neither of them has a driver's license!" Jake said with a laugh. "Hmm, I guess you're right," Helen said with a smile.

* * *

Date: Monday, December 23rd, 2097

"So, Stacey," Quinn said as she walked over to the jingle jail holding the girl, "I should have expected you to interfere with my plans as you did." "Quinn, it's been three days since you captured me and put me in this cell. Why are you starting this spiel _now?_ " Stacey asked her. "Eh? Um... I don't know. I just finally have some free time, I guess," Quinn replied.

"Anyway, I bet you're wondering just why I chose this particular disguise, right? Well, of course you are," Quinn said, not giving Stacey a chance to speak. "See, while I was conducting research on this 'Christmas' holiday, I learned about its history. I learned about the... uh, pogo guys or whatever, and the takeover of their celebration by the Christies or whatever they call themselves," Quinn said.

"Go on," Stacey said. "Well, having done some research into the rather... _religious_ aspects of the holiday and the deep-seated religious... fanaticism that exists within large portions of this continent and the world, I discovered a way that I can easily control the population. It really was quite simple, especially after I got my hands on that Vortian liquid stuff," Quinn explained.

 _I don't know why she's telling me this, but since she might reveal something I could use against her, I'll keep listening_ , Stacey thought to herself. "See, every molecule is a tiny hard drive of data, and so I filled the suit with as much data as possible pertaining to Santa Claus and Yeshua, or Jesus, or whatever people call him, in order to make a convincing replica of him," Quinn continued.

"Initially, I was going to use Santa, but since the majority of adults don't _believe_ in Santa the way many adults believe in this _Jesus_ or Yeshua fellow, I decided that he would be a much better choice. Throughout my research, I've noticed that you humans love a savior, a messiah, someone who will lead you all to eternal paradise. And so... I _became_ that savior. Granted, I'm sending you all to your doom and the fate of being slaves to the Irken Empire, but it's the _thought_ that counts _,_ " Quinn said with a smirk. Stacey glared at her with cold fury.

"Well, it's been nice talking to you," Quinn said as she walked away. She exited the storage room and made her way to the cockpit of the transport ship as it flew to the North Pole. "GIR, where are we at right now?" Quinn asked the robot as he flew the ship.

"Uh... we's over Canadia Land right now, where Canadians live!" GIR squealed. "YOU'RE MAKING THAT UP!" Quinn shouted at him before calming down. "Aww... someone needs a hug!" GIR said as he set the ship to auto-pilot and turned around. "Wait, no GIR!" Quinn cried out as GIR leaped at her and hugged her. "N-no! No, GIR! N-Nooooooooooaaaaawwwwww! You cute little woogie! You're adorable!" Quinn said. "I _am,_ " GIR said as Quinn picked him up and hugged him.

* * *

**The Membrane Household...**

"Okay, we haven't heard back from her since then, so we have no idea if she's still alive or not," Jane said. "She's alive," Daria said. "I know it. I can feel it," Daria added. "Um, Daria... most of the population has been transported to the North Pole already, and we have no way of getting there fast enough to stop Quinn," Jane said.

"Wait," Andrea said as she got up from her couch. "I think my grandfather can help us," she said. "Professor Membrane Sr.? How?" Jane asked her. "Hold on," Andrea said as she grabbed a small compact shell and flipped it open. "Grandpa, can you hear me?" Andrea asked into it. " _Andrea? What can I help you with?_ " Professor Membrane Sr. asked his granddaughter. "We have reason to believe that the returned Jesus is a madman conning people into doing his bidding," Andrea said.

" _Well, of course he is! Anyone who's actually studied ancient history would know that the real Yeshua of Nazareth was brown, not white!_ " Professor Membrane exclaimed. "Well, the thing is, our friend Stacey was captured after trying to expose that fraud, and since everyone's been taken to the North Pole, we don't know how to get there fast enough to stop them from building that teleporter!" Andrea exclaimed.

" _Hmm, I remember, as a youth, I built an Anti-Santa weapon after I was betrayed one Christmas when I was given a box of socks instead of the plutonium that I wanted. Of course, I still believed in Santa back then, so it made sense in my mind. It should still work against this madman, though. Anyway, here is the access code and a map to the location. Good luck!_ "

"Okay, but how do we get there?" Jane asked as she looked over Andrea's shoulder. "I know a way," Daria said. "How?" Jane asked. "We need to go back to my place. There's something in the garage that can help us."

* * *

**L** **ater, at Professor Membrane Sr's Secret Anti-Santa Fortress...**

Daria flew the Spittle Runner into the landing bay of the fortress with ease. "I still can't figure out how you managed to learn the controls to this thing so quickly," Andrea said to her as the trio disembarked from the craft. Mimi scouted the area ahead of them, searching for any sign of danger.

The trio walked up to a large metal door. "You still have that access code your grandfather gave you, right?" Daria asked Andrea. "Yeah. It's JV12102002," she said as she walked over to a keypad next to the door and input the code. The light above the door flashed green and opened for them. When the lights came on inside the large room, the girls' eyes widened in surprise at what stood before them.

"Wow," Jane whispered. "Your grandfather built this when he was just a kid!? What kind of stuff can _you_ build?" Jane asked Andrea. "Let's stay focused," Daria said as she strode forward. "Jane, Andrea, let's get to work."

* * *

Date: Tuesday, December 24th, 2097

It was early in the morning when Stacey heard the door of the storage room in Quinn's North Pole base open up, revealing GIR. GIR walked forward, carrying a plate of food to her. "Here ya go!" GIR said happily as he set the food down outside of the jingle jail. Stacey sighed as she started picking at the food.

"Aw," GIR said. "You seem sad! I know! I'll sing a song!" GIR exclaimed. "That's really not-" "Oh, we wish you a merry jingly, we wish you a merry jingly!" Stacey sighed and resumed eating, knowing that GIR would not stop for a long time.

Meanwhile, Quinn was busy in another part of the compound, trying to insert a large screw into the head of the Yeshua costume. "Come on, get in there," she said as she pushed the screw forward. She then heard some of the workers caroling outside. "Oh no!" she whispered as the suit tried to take over again. She pushed the screw in harder. "Ah, there we go," she said, satisfied.

"The stabilizer should keep the suit under control until the humans have all been teleported to the Tallest," she said out loud. She walked over to the window at shouted at the humans to get back to work, before seeing five more labor sleighs descending to the camp. "Good. This many not teleport every human on Earth, but it should get rid of enough of them to make the planet ready for conquest," she said.

* * *

Daria turned to look at the clock. "How long until it's finished charging?" she asked Jane, who was sitting in a control booth. " _Um, it should be done in another eight hours,_ " Jane replied. "It's almost ten in the morning. It won't be finished until six in the afternoon!?" Andrea exclaimed.

" _Hey, your grandfather is the one who designed this thing, not me,_ " Jane retorted over the headset. "Guys, just stay focused," Daria said firmly. "As long as nothing goes wrong, we should be able to get to the North Pole in the time," she said. "Hopefully."

* * *

**Time: 07:40 pm, North Pole...**

Stacey sat in a chair with her hands cuffed. "Look out there, Stacey. Your people, all so gullible and easily fooled, just waiting to be conquered," Quinn said smugly. Stacey glared at Quinn. "Oh, come on! If they can be fooled by a stranger wearing a robe, then they deserve to be conquered!" Quinn growled at her.

"You're disgusting, Quinn," Stacey spat. "Why? Because I used your peoples' greatest weakness against them? Ha! I'm an invader, Stacey! It's my _job!_ " Quinn replied. "And, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that your parents are out in that labor group, aren't they? Truly, this is a victory so great, I can literally taste it!" Quinn said deviously.

"Shut up!" Stacey snapped at her. "Don't worry, Stacey. I'll make sure that you and your parents get teleported to the Tallest together," Quinn said before leaving the room. Stacey, all alone now, began to cry.

* * *

Quinn walked out onto the large stage in front of the workers, who had just finished the teleporter. "Good work, everyone!" she said into a microphone. "People of Earth, now that the teleporter is ready, it is time to get inside it! Go on!" Quinn said.

"But, Jesus!" one of the workers said. "It's Christmas Eve! Aren't you gonna sing Christmas carols!?" she asked. "No! No more singing! Time to teleport!" Quinn exclaimed. "And aren't you going to give us any presents?" asked a man in the audience. "There'll be plenty of presents inside the teleporter. Now go," Quinn said flatly.

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!" the man cried out as he forward, holding a stuffed bear. He tripped just outside of the teleporter's rim and the bear flew onto the pad. It was instantly zapped and sent away.

* * *

**The Massive...**

Tallest Red and Purple watched as the planetary conversion crew sent another transport vessel to the surface of Blorch. Red sighed in boredom, just as a bright flash illuminated the bridge, and a singed teddy bear appeared in front of the two Irkens. "What the!?" Purple cried in confusion and surprise.

* * *

**The North Pole, Earth...**

As Quinn was impatiently waiting for the humans to go to their doom, one small, adorable child stepped forward. "Master Jesus, before we go to our doom, can I have a hug!?" she asked. _That child! So cute!_ The Yeshua suit began to overwhelm the stabilizer, and slow began to push it out of its head. _Must! Resist! Nooooooooooooo!_

The stabilizer was forced out of the suit and the Yeshua personality began to take over, even pushing Quinn deep inside the suit. "There's no way I can escape the suit now! The Yeshua has won!" Quinn cried in defeat as she curled into a fetal position deep inside the gelatinous insides of the suit.

"Of course, little girl!" the Yeshua suit exclaimed as it walked forward off the stage and grabbed the girl, bringing her into a hug. "All of you, hugs for everyone!" the Yeshua suit cried out with a smile. "In fact, let's all sing songs and celebrate being with one another!"

Up in the room where she had been abandoned, Stacey watched the proceedings through a window with bile fascination. "Huh. Just what did she make that thing out of?" Stacey asked rhetorically. Still, seeing the perfect opportunity to try escaping again, Stacey began to struggle against her bindings, eventually breaking free. She picked up a piece from the floor and sniffed it. "Hey... this smells like licorice! It probably _is_ licorice! What a weird material to make restraints out of," Stacey commented.

Soon, however, she heard a rumbling noise and ran out onto a platform. She gasped at the sight of a giant blue robot with a weird scythe-shaped crest on it. Inside the transparent dome of the cockpit, she could see someone. Using her wrist communicator, Stacey called Daria, hoping that she was the one inside. "Daria, is that you inside the robot?" Stacey asked.

" _It's about time you used that thing!_ " Daria replied over the communicator. "Well, I've been restrained," Stacey said as Daria turned the robot to face the platform. The robot leaned forward and the cockpit dome slid open. "Come on, Stacey, get inside! We're gonna save everyone from the most cynical exploitation of Christmas ever," Daria said.

"It think it's a bit late for that," Stacey commented as she climbed inside the cockpit. "Then let's just beat up Quinn," Daria said as she shrugged her shoulders. The transparent cover slid back over them as the Membrane-bot stood back up. " **Quinn! Your Christmas time is up!** " Stacey shouted over the mech's speakers. "Put on your seat-belt," Daria said.

"By the way, who built this thing?" Stacey asked her sister. "Andrea's grandfather. He made it when he was a kid," Daria explained. "Wow," Stacey said as the mech walked into the camp site. The chest of the robot opened up and a laser shot out, hitting the Yeshua suit and sending it flying back into part of the compound. Smoke covered the suit, making it impossible to see anything.

"Did we get her?" Stacey asked anxiously. In the wreckage of the compound wall, the Yeshua suit roared, and began absorbing material around it, including four giant candy cane poles and wires and metal scraps. Out of the smoke rose a large figure, which burst forward, revealing itself to be a giant Yeshua beast. The Yeshua suit monster roared and grappled with the Membrane-bot, transforming its hands into giant candy canes of doom, which it swiped at the cockpit.

"Aah!" Daria and Stacey cried as they were shaken in the cockpit. They raised an arm of the Membrane-bot and slammed it into the Yeshua-beast's head, sending it crashing back into part of the compound wall. Pieces of debris rained down upon the crowd. Everyone ran away from the fight, except for one man who was staring blankly ahead as a large piece of debris crushed him.

The Yeshua-beast roared and rushed forward, grappling with the Membrane-bot again. It opened its mouth and a strange candy-cane colored tongue shot forward, splitting in half near the tip to reveal two sets of teeth that snapped at the cockpit. "Get away!" Stacey cried as she used a thruster on the right arm to deliver a rocket-punch to the Yeshua-beast. The monster stumbled back, crashing into the teleporter, destroying half of it.

The Yeshua-beast shot forward several candy cane tentacles, wrapping around the legs of the Membrane-bot and pulling it forward while also using it as leverage to balance itself as it rose back up from the ground. The tentacles then grabbed the arms of the Membrane-bot and began to squeeze. "We've got external pressure being applied on the left forearm!" Stacey cried out. "Press that yellow button!" Daria exclaimed. Stacey hit the button and jolts of electricity were sent out, shocking the candy cane tentacles, giving the girls a brief respite.

" **Ah-ah-ah! You've been a bad little girl, now Jesus is going to destroy you!** " the Yeshua-beast roared at them. "Not likely," Daria replied flatly. Daria pressed a series of buttons and the chest opened up to reveal the laser cannon again. The Yeshua-beast swiped one of its candy cane arms of doom forward, destroying the laser gun. "Plan B!" Daria said with a grunt as she pressed a button.

Two covers on the shoulders slid back and twin missile launchers rose out of the back and shoulder area. "Take this!" Stacey exclaimed as the pressed a launch button. The missiles streamed forward, slamming into the Yeshua-beast with precision, exploding against it.

Deep inside the suit, Quinn felt the tremors and the battle was raged. She then found herself moving along with gallons and gallons of jelly and juice as she fell out of a hole in the suit. She landed in the snow with a grunt. Getting up and looking at the Yeshua-beast, she pressed the implant that she had put into her head and the beast shrank in size until it was no bigger than a beanie baby.

"Stacey! Shoot it into space!" Quinn cried as she threw the small Yeshua-beast plushie onto the hand of the robot. Stacey smirked as she and Daria made a fist with the hand and aimed it at the sky, activating the rocket boosters and sending the hand, and the suit within, flying into space.

On the ground, the crowd watched in awe as the blue dot disappeared into the night sky, becoming but a small twinkle among the stars. "They... they shot Jesus into space!" one man cried out in horror. "Chwistmas is wuined fouwevah!" a small child whined before bursting out into tears.

Meanwhile, back in the cockpit of the Membrane-bot, both sisters sighed in relief at surviving their battle. "We did it," Stacey said to her sister. "We saved the world." "Yeah. We did," Daria said in agreement. "Now, let's get everyone home." " **Quinn, time to send these people home,** " Daria said over the speaker. Quinn looked up at the robot and gulped, recognizing Daria's voice.

Quinn raised her arm up to her face and spoke into a wrist communicator. "GIR, recall the labor sleighs and have them send everyone back home. This plan... was a failure," Quinn said reluctantly. " _Aww!_ " GIR replied. "Do it, GIR!" Quinn snarled.

* * *

Date: Wednesday, December 25th, 2097

**The Morgendorffer Household...**

Daria and Stacey sat down on the couch next to their parents as they watched the news report on the incident at the North Pole. " _And so, with heavy hearts, we must say farewell to Jesus, as he was sent into space by that despicable metal monster,_ " Ozeem Cameron said with sadness and anger in his voice.

"What an idiot," Stacey commented. "Stacey!" Helen reprimanded her daughter. "What!? You guys know that that thing wasn't actually Jesus! It was a monster pretending to be Jesus!" Stacey retorted. "Young lady," Jake said angrily. "Dad," Daria interrupted. "Would the real Jesus have asked you to build a teleporter to send humanity to its doom? Would the real Jesus have turned into a horrifying abomination?"

"Well... no, I guess not," Jake admitted sadly. "You were all so desperate for a real Jesus, not just Jesus, but a Messiah figure, that you immediately latched onto the first person to offer you even a taste of what you wanted. You didn't even stop to think about the stuff that didn't make any sense, like the robots and the green face. You allowed yourself to be blinded by zealous faith and an unwillingness to question authority," Daria said.

"I guess... you have a point," Helen said reluctantly. "Christmas isn't about blindly following whoever promises you salvation," Daria said. "It's about something much more important. It's about love, and effort, and family, and being there for the people you care about," she said. "And presents," Jake added. "No, that's just a bonus for those who can afford it," Daria said flatly.

The four Morgendorffers all nodded their heads in agreement and changed the channel to watch something less stupid than Box News. " _Terrorists have seized control of Nakatomi Plaza!_ " a man wearing blue jeans and a white A-shirt said into a radio. "This is better," Daria said. Stacey nodded her head in agreement. "Much better."

* * *

**The Massive, In Orbit Around Blorch...**

" _And so... my plan failed. But, I have now learned an important secret to effectively controlling the humans,_ " Quinn reported. "That's nice, Quinn. Maybe now you can tell us how to get rid of this... thing that you accidentally sent to us," Red said as he held up the singed teddy bear. " _Oh, that? Um... the teleporter was destroyed. So, you guys can experiment on it for your own amusement or something! Think of it as a present for you, from me! Merry Christmas!_ " Quinn said before ending the call.

Red exhaled and then closed his eyes before muttering under his breath. "One day... one day, it'll end," he said to himself. "You know, I kind of like this thing," Purple said as he held up the teddy bear. "Although, it does smell kind of burnt," he said with a frown. "Fine, do what you want with it," Red said as he left the bridge.

Purple held the teddy bear in his hands and turned it over a few times. "Hmm... I will love you, and pet you, and call you... Zorp!" he said before laughing. "Ha! No I won't! But, I will keep you as a souvenir," Purple said before he grabbed a soda and resumed watching the Irken Armada fly around the orbit of Blorch.

* * *

Ending Theme: Moonlight Angel, by Mariko Kouda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this is late for the season, I really wanted to write this one. Anyway, that was the fifth episode of the Season 02, or, I guess Section Two. The seasons of Invader Quinn are more like sections in a book instead of seasons of a show, with the way I'm taking things. Still, I'll keep calling them seasons for simplicity's sake.
> 
> And, no, I'm not religious. For this story, I sort of took a Life of Brian route and decided to make fun of the people who go gaga over Jesus, or Yeshua, or Joshua of Nazareth, instead of the man himself. Basically, I've decided to mock the people who use his name and image in order to manipulate others... you know, Televangelists. In the words of Ghandi, "I like your Christ. I don't like your Christians." That's the route that I took with this, since I've seen so many people, especially Televangelists, discriminate and spew hateful garbage towards others in ways that the man they worship would frown upon. You know, people who only use the whole believing in Christ as a "get-into-heaven-free" card, without actually practicing the love and compassion that Yeshua taught to his followers. So, yeah, those people fully deserve to be mocked and made fun of. I have no regrets about doing that.
> 
> The next episode of Invader Quinn will feature strange carnivorous underground creatures that have been awakened by a meteor shower. Stay tuned for Dances With Moles!


	6. Dances With Moles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a freak meteor shower, Lawndale finds itself being overrun by strange underground monsters.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 018/2-006: Dances With Moles

* * *

Date: Saturday, December 28th, 2097

It was New Year's Eve on Earth when the meteor shower was supposed to appear in the night sky. Stacey Morgendorffer watched the meteor shower through her telescope. "Beautiful," she whispered as she watched the burning balls of rock streak through the night sky. Taking out her cell phone, she dialed Andrea's phone number.

" _Hello?_ " Andrea replied after the second ring. "Hey, Andrea, are you watching the meteor shower right now?" Stacey asked her with a grin. " _Um, not really. I'm kind of... training Mimi, sort of,_ " Andrea replied. "Training her? Isn't she already pre-programmed for stuff?" Stacey asked her.

" _Yeah, except that she still prefers to obey my mother instead of me when we're both in the same room,_ " Andrea replied. "Huh. That's interesting. Where are you at right now?" Stacey asked her. " _I'm in some kind of room down in my mom's... lab, or whatever,_ " Andrea replied, not entirely sure how to describe the Irken base that was set up beneath her house.

"Cool. Hey, is it okay if I come over tomorrow to check it out?" Stacey asked her. " _I'll have to ask my parents. I still haven't gotten around to asking my mom and dad about that one robot that you wanted to look at either,_ " Andrea said. "Huh? Oh, right!" Stacey replied, having almost forgotten about the SIR unit that had once belonged to the despised Zim.

"Are your parents home right now?" Stacey asked her. " _Um, actually, no. They should be arriving back soon, though. I'll ask them about it then,_ " Andrea replied. "Okay, I'll-oh, wow, look at that one!" Stacey cried out as she saw one meteorite glow brightly, before descending through the atmosphere.

"Hey, Andrea, I think one of the meteorites might be touching down somewhere near Lawndale," Stacey said. " _That's... cool. Well, I'll talk with you later. Bye,_ " Andrea said. "Bye," Stacey said as well before both girls hung up their phones.

* * *

 

Quinn looked at the data being processed on a screen. "Just an ordinary meteor shower, like so many others on so many different worlds," she said as she rolled her eyes. " **Quinn. One of the meteorites is displaying unusual behavior,** " The Computer said. "Huh? What do you mean?" she asked, confused. " **The meteorite appears to be slowing down while approaching the planet's surface.** "

"Slowing down? That shouldn't be possible if it's just a meteorite. Computer! Give me an estimate of where the meteorite will land," Quinn demanded. " **Processing. Processing! PROCESSING!** " "Uh-huh. Now, the location?" Quinn asked the computer.

The computer showed her a map on a screen where the strange meteorite was projected to make landfall. "Hmm, that isn't too far from here. I mean, it's a fair walking distance, but it's out by the farmland. There's no school tomorrow, so I can easily fly out there and take a look at it," Quinn said to herself.

* * *

Near midnight, out in a field, a farmer was walking out to investigate the site of the fallen meteorite that had crashed near his field. "Well, it didn't hit any of the sprinklers mess up the tool shed," he whispered to himself as he pointed his flashlight at the crater that held the remains of the meteorite. He looked around at the melted snow on the field and the steam rising from the puddles that were near the rock.

"What is that smell?" he asked rhetorically as he stepped over to the rim of the crater. "It's deep," he commented as he held a handkerchief up to his nose. Walking over to the tool shed, he opened it to find that the force of the impact had knocked most of the gear and equipment off of their shelves and hooks. "Dammit," he muttered as he grabbed some rubber gloves and a long stick.

Walking back outside the shed, he stopped and sniffed the air. "Damn, that's pretty strong," he said to himself, covering his nose up again as he walked forward. As he made his way to the crater again, his feet crunching through the snow, he heard a strange noise and paused to look around. "What's that so-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

* * *

Date: Sunday, January 1st, 2098

** 12:05 am **

**Morgendorffer Household...**

"So," Jane asked Daria, "What's your New Year's Resolution?" "Hmm, well, I guess not being disappointed very often is a good one, so I'll make sure to be either content or negative about everything around me. That way, when something good happens, I'll be genuinely surprised," Daria said flatly, despite having a smirk.

"Damn, you stole mine," Jane joked. "I guess this means my resolution is to find another resolution," Jane said humorously. "That's a terrible resolution," Daria replied with a chortle and a smirk. "Well, you stole my first one," Jane replied with a smile. "I know, how about... my resolution is to eat at Pizza Empire at least once every two months," Jane said.

"Hmm, not a bad resolution. Do you have the money for that?" Daria asked her. "Well... make it every three months," Jane replied. "Well, at least it sounds doable," Daria said with a shrug.

* * *

**Later, New Year's Day...**

Quinn flew her Voot Cruiser toward the location of the meteorite crash site. The Voot Cruiser was disguised as a car, using pieces of cardboard with poorly drawn windows taped to the sides and back of the vessel. She set down slowly, so that the Voot Cruiser's "magnificent" disguise would not come undone.

Opening the cockpit and stepping out onto the frozen soil of the field, Quinn stepped up to the rim of the crater. She pulled a scanning device from her PAK and began scanning the crater and the meteorite. "Hmm, I'll need to take it back with me for further study," she said reluctantly as she grabbed a pair of large tongs from the Voot Cruiser and descended into the crater to grab the rock.

"This thing is rather large for a meteorite, especially after passing through a planet's atmosphere," she said to herself after she saw the meteorite up close. Using the tongs, she grabbed the meteorite and lifted herself up with her PAK legs, retracting them after she was secure on the ground again. Opening the cockpit of the Voot Cruiser, she grabbed a specimen container and placed the meteorite inside.

Preparing to enter the cockpit, she paused as she heard something. Looking around, she scanned the field of snow for any signs of interlopers, human or otherwise. She didn't notice the moving lump in the snow as she finally re-entered to the cockpit of the Voot Cruiser and took off, heading for her base.

* * *

"Hmm, the composition of the meteorite is most unusual," Quinn said to herself as she studied the analysis on her screens. "In fact... those strata look like... tunnels? That can't be right," Quinn said as she looked at a cross-scan of the rock. "Those aren't pockets of gas; they're definitely tunnels, but what could have made them?" Quinn asked rhetorically.

"Wait a second... what is that?" Quinn asked as she saw something sticking t the inside of one of the tunnels. "Computer, use the micro-tools to retrieve that... whatever it is, and analyze it," Quinn ordered. " **Affirmative,** " The Computer replied.

"And where's GIR?" Quinn asked. "It's far too quiet in here," she said nervously. " **Quinn, GIR is up in the living room, watching Earth broadcasts,** " The Computer said. "Ah, well, at least he isn't breaking anything then," Quinn said.

A small series of mechanical instruments soon appeared in the chamber where the meteorite was being scanned. After a few minutes, the tools managed to carefully retrieve the strange material from the inside of the meteorite. "Now, analyze this material. I want to know what it is," Quinn said. " **Affirmative. Initiating scan,** " The Computer said.

Quinn looked over at a terminal screen and watched as the scan produced a 3D image of the material. "Okay," she said as she studied the composition list that soon appeared next to the 3D image. "It's carbon-based and has a genetic sequence of some kind," Quinn said. "So, it's organic in nature. Computer, run a cross-reference to determine what species of life form this material came from," Quinn ordered. " **Processing,** " The Computer replied.

* * *

Out near the edge of the forest of Lawndale, two old people were standing in the snow. They soon started making out. It was horrible.

* * *

**Hours Later, Near That Same Spot...**

"Kevvie, are you sure this is the best place to make out?" Brittany Taylor asked her boyfriend, Kevin Thompson. "Why not? No one can see us," Kevin said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Hmm, maybe, but it's so cold outside, and my hair still hasn't all grown back to how it was before that lice outbreak. Why can't we just go to my place and do it in my bedroom like we normally do. You know, where it's _warm?_ " Brittany asked him.

"Oh, come on. I'll make sure that you're warmed up," Kevin said with a grin as he started kissing her. Just as she was about to close her eyes, Brittany saw something on the ground near a tree. "Hey, look!" she said as she broke contact with Kevin to go investigate.

"It's a hat," Kevin said. "Well, duh! But what's it doing out here on the ground?" Brittany asked rhetorically. "Maybe someone dropped it," Kevin suggested. "Maybe," Brittany said as she knelt down and grabbed the hat. "It's cute though," she said as she picked it up from the ground. "It wonder who it-aaahh!"

Brittany screamed and jumped back as she saw the head and face of an old person in the ground. "What the hell's going on!?" Brittany screamed. "I mean what _hell is going on!?_ " "Someone decapitated them!" Kevin exclaimed as he and Brittany ran away, back toward town. "I knew it! Metalmouth is real!" Kevin cried.

* * *

**Morgendorffer Household...**

Helen Morgendorffer opened the front door after hearing a knock to see Jane Lane standing there, looking tired. "Jane? I thought he were going to sleep in at your own home?" Helen asked her. "I was... and then Trent decided to practice with his guitar. No sleep," Jane replied groggily.

"Oh. Well, come on inside," Helen said. Jane nodded her head gratefully and stepped inside the warm house as Helen closed the door. "Do you want some place to sleep?" Helen asked her. "Naw, that's okay," Jane replied, before walking over to the kitchen table. Sitting down, Jane yawned. "Well, in that case, would like something to eat?" Helen asked her as she walked over to the fridge.

"Jane?" Helen asked as she turned around, not hearing a response from the girl. Jane was already asleep, resting her head on the table. Helen smiled and shook her head. Walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs, Helen made her way over to Daria's room and knocked on the door. "Daria, Jane's downstairs," Helen called.

The door slowly opened to reveal Daria. "She told me that she was going to be sleeping in all day at her place," Daria said. "Well, she said that her brother was practicing his guitar all morning," Helen said. "Oh. I'll go down after I get my boots on," Daria said. "Actually, she's sleeping at the table," Helen said.

"Maybe you could help me get her up into your room so she can rest in here?" Helen asked her eldest daughter. "Sure, why not?" Daria replied after giving some thought to the proposal. "Thank you, Sweetie," Helen said with a smile.

Walking down to the kitchen, Daria saw Jane sleeping at the table. She quietly walked up to her sleeping friend and leaned in. "Good afternoon, Miss Lane. This is your wake-up call. Please stand up," Daria asked. Jane continued to sleep, and even drool, on the table.

"Hmm... Mom, do you still have that Polka CD that Dad bought from that yard sale three years ago?" Daria asked her mother. "Um... I hope _not_ , but if we do, then it's probably still packed away somewhere," Helen said. "Hmm, well, in that case, get me a pillow and an ice cube," Daria requested. "Why do you need a pillow?" Helen asked her.

* * *

"And she still refers to your mother as 'Master' but everyone else by their names?" Stacey asked Andrea as they walked over to Andrea's house. "Yeah, pretty much," Andrea replied with a sigh. Mimi was walking next to them.

"So, Mimi, you can talk now, right?" Stacey asked the robot after making sure that no one was around to hear them. Mimi nodded her holographic cat disguise's head. "Not very talkative, though, huh?" Stacey asked her. Mimi simply looked at her before returning her focus to the sidewalk ahead of the girls. "I guess not," Stacey said.

Soon, the duo came across a construction site near an empty lot. "Guess they all got New Year's Day off too," Andrea said as she looked around, until she saw a helmet lying on the snow-covered ground. Mimi dashed forward and inspected the helmet, lifting it up and turning it over. There were blood stains in it.

Stacey looked around the site, and saw two empty cars nearby. One had a door open, and there were large indents in it. There were also several gashes in it. Walking closer, Stacey saw that the interior seats were torn up, and there was a terrible smell. "Something died here," she said as she pinched her nose.

Walking forward, Andrea inspected the construction site, and saw a large tarp on the ground, along with several rods. Moving them out of the way, and lifting up the tarp, she saw the bottom of a boot. Grabbing it, she pulled it out and dropped it after seeing and smelling the severed foot that was still in it.

"Stacey, we need to go. We need to go, right now!" Andrea said as she rushed over to Stacey's side and grabbed her. "Where are we going?" Stacey asked her. "We need to tell the police about this," Andrea said.

* * *

** Later, At The Lawndale Police Department... **

"Uh-huh," Desk Sergeant Hanslow said in a bored tone. "Don't you care!?" Stacey asked him. "Look, you're that UFO Girl, right? So, come on. Besides, I'm sure it was probably a prank," he said. "Oh, come on! There was a severed foot under a tarp, and a helmet had blood stains! Someone was killed there! There could be a serial killer running around town!" Andrea exclaimed. "Well, you aren't claiming that aliens did it so... sure, we'll send someone to check it out... when we get around to it," he said before he went back to reading his magazine.

Andrea pulled a dumbfounded Stacey alongside her as they exited the police station. Mimi was waiting outside. "I can't believe this! Even the police in Highland would at least send one officer to check out a crime scene right away, regardless of how experienced or incompetent they were! At least they made an _effort!_ " Stacey ranted.

"Welcome to Lawndale," Andrea said. "Are the police here always this apathetic?" Stacey asked Andrea with concern. "As long I've lived here," Andrea replied. "After all, how could Quinn get away with half of the stuff she does if the police here were actually _competent?_ " Andrea asked her.

"I... actually, that's a good point," Stacey said. "I could probably bring them video footage of Quinn doing stuff without her disguise and they'd probably dismiss it without batting an eye," Stacey said in despair. "I wouldn't be surprised," Andrea said in somber agreement.

"There's only one thing we can do now," Stacey said. "And that would be... what, exactly?" Andrea asked her. "We have to go home, either your place or mine, and arm ourselves while keeping an eye out for any suspicious persons," Stacey said. "You say it as though you've done this before," Andrea said. "Well... Highland was never exactly the safest place on Earth," Stacey said. "So, come on," Stacey added. "Homeward bound!"

* * *

**Deep Inside Quinn's Base...**

"So... Voricanothians?" Quinn mused. "Computer... how would a Voricanothian's body react when exposed to the atmosphere of the Earth?" " **Processing. A Voricanothian's body and molecular structure would begin to expand and multiply, allowing an individual to become as large as the average Irken in size**."

"How many Voricanothians were in this meteorite?" Quinn asked the computer as she casually drew a laser pistol from inside her PAK and began checking its battery. " **Based on the average size of a Voricanothian and the size of the meteorite, as well as the number of samples obtained from the meteorite, I would estimate that there are at least four of them,** " The Computer replied.

"Only four? That's not many, but... computer, can you determine the sex of each Voricanothian based of the hair samples?" Quinn asked. " **Beginning analysis,** " The Computer announced. "I should probably just ignore them. Let them reduce the human population of Lawndale and its neighboring towns to make things easier for me," Quinn mused out loud.

"Wait... Voricanothians are attracted to sound and heat," Quinn realized. "My perpetual power generator may not be hearable by normal human ears, but I know that certain organisms on this planet, such as dogs, can hear it. And Voricanothians... the frequency of the generator would definitely attract them. The closer they come to Lawndale... the closer they are to the base. They'll attack my base," Quinn said. "It's only a matter of time..."

* * *

Date: Wednesday, January 4th, 2098

"Well, class, how nice to see all of you again," Miss Bitters said. "Now, in case you've forgotten, and I'm sure that many of you have, our last lesson..." Miss Bitters' voice trailed off in Quinn's ears as she continuously looked out the window at the outside. In the past few days, she'd been monitoring local Earth broadcasts and had noticed that several people and pets had been reported missing.

As a precaution in the event that the Voricanothians would attack her base while she was at school, Quinn had attached a special silent alarm to her wrist, hidden under her gloves. If the Voricanothians were to attack, she would be notified by the device vibrating. So far, nothing had happened, and since her base was located in the inner area of Lawndale, where cement and roads separated many sections of dirt from one another, she figured it would be quite some time before the beasts would locate her base.

Of course, Voricanothians were not completely subterranean, and they sometimes ventured out onto surface areas in order to find new ground to burrow under. Given that they had fur like Earth mammals, they would be able to survive the cold weather for a short duration, long enough to locate dirt-filled areas inside of the town. That was what had Quinn worried.

"-And then you'll graduate and enter the workforce, where you will spend the rest of your lives as mere puppets working to make someone else's wallet fatter than it already is," Miss Bitters droned on. Were she not already accustomed to the intimidating woman's behavior, Quinn would have found the information given out by her to be interesting, but since Miss Bitters always spoke of doom and gloom, Quinn had begun to ignore the older female's dialogue. Of course, Quinn was still curious as to whether or not Miss Bitters was entirely human, as she displayed rather... unusual behavior at times.

After the bell rang, and the students departed for second period, Quinn noticed that Stacey was watching her. "Is something wrong... Stacey?" Quinn asked her. "You've been quiet lately," Stacey said. "Yes, well, when one is trying to... lay low, that tends to happen," Quinn replied. "Laying low? you take every opportunity possible to make a spectacle of yourself," Stacey noted.

"Stacey, Stacey, have you forgotten that my face was visible during... my most recent attempt to control others? I'm merely waiting for people to forget that. And anyway, it makes you seem crazier when you talk about me being an alien while I'm sitting quietly in class and minding my own business," Quinn said.

"Helps me fit in and infiltrate your society better," Quinn said with a smirk before she slipped past Stacey and made her way through the hallway. Stacey narrowed her eyes at the green female as she walked away. _She's up to something. She always is_ , Stacey thought to herself as she walked in the opposite direction to her next class.

* * *

"And so, when we hear the lyrics about the world being a dark place, are we really hearing the truth, or are we hearing how this man sees the world from his own experiences?" Mr. O'Neill asked the class. "I think, maybe, that if he had just been shown a little more kindness by others, the author wouldn't have had such a negative outlook on life," he added.

Quinn resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Mr. O'Neill. She was heavily considering capturing him and replacing his brain with a squirrel, but that would have to wait for another day. Half-way through the lesson, she felt her wrist vibrate. Immediately, she was on alert.

 _I have to check on my base! But, how do I get out of here without arousing suspicion? I don't have to physically be at the base in order to check on it, but I must still make contact with either GIR or the main computer for a status report! Where can I-the bathroom!_ Quinn made a show of crossing her legs and looking uncomfortable before raising her hands, just in case anyone was paying enough attention to her.

"And so-uh, yes, Miss... Vanderi?" Mr. O'Neill asked her. "Mr. O'Neill, I have a _**MIGHTY NEED**_ to use the restroom!" Quinn announced. "Oh, well, just let me sign your hall pass or your daily planner," he said as he grabbed a pen. Quinn walked forward and signed a sheet of paper before grabbing the hall pass and rushing out of the classroom.

As soon as she reached the closest girls' bathroom, she rushed into a stall and closed the door. She checked her wrist communicator and called the base. "GIR, Computer! Come in! what is the status of the base?" she demanded. " _Hiya, Mastah! We gots a new poodle! He all smelly and dirty, but I gonna clean him up good!_ " GIR replied.

Knowing GIR, Quinn had to be absolutely certain that the robot hadn't simply grabbed someone's pet from off the street. "GIR, what does the poodle look like?" Quinn asked him. " _He all big and stuuufff! Ehahehoo! I gonna ride him like a horsey!_ " "GIR, does the... poodle have sharp claws and teeth?" Quinn asked.

" _Yeah! He tried to eat my arm! It was fun!_ " GIR replied. Quinn squeezed her eyes shut in frustration. The Voricanothians had found her base, and GIR was having fun with the monsters. "Computer! Begin modular self-repair of all damaged perimeter sections! I want the base secure before I return from school today! And capture or kill the Voricanothian!" Quinn ordered the computer.

" _ **Affirmative,**_ " The Computer replied. "Good. I will contact you again after lunch," Quinn said before ending the transmission. After exiting the stall, Quinn made sure to at least turn on the sink and go through the motions of washing and drying her gloved hands, in the event that someone should walk in on her.

She then quickly made her way back to the classroom. "MY BUSINESS... IS DONE!" Quinn announced as she opened the the door and walked into the classroom. "Um... congratulations," Mr. O'Neill said in a tone that suggested he really didn't care. "Um, don't forget to sign back in," Mr. O'Neill said as Quinn returned the hall pass to his desk. "Of course," Quinn said as she signed her alias on the paper.

The rest of the day passed without incident, until it came to lunch. As Quinn sat down with her... "food," she made sure to sit near one of the windows for a better view of the outside, in case anything unusual were to happen. One Voricanothian had already managed to locate her base, and there were still three more unaccounted for.

Shortly after sitting down, Quinn saw two lumps of snow moving, until the lumps reached the concrete, and the Voricanothians emerged from the ground. The beasts resembled large Earth moles in appearance, although they had tails like Earth shrews. The beasts sauntered over the concrete and disappeared from view.

Quinn's left eye twitched as she realized just how large the space moles had grown in size after being exposed to Earth's atmospheric conditions. _They're gigantic! I mean, they're not the size of a vehicle, but they're still huge!_

* * *

**After School...**

As soon as Quinn exited the doors of the school she ran as fast as her legs could move. She had to get back to her base. While she hadn't heard from the base since the first alarm, she still didn't want to take any chances. Turning a corner on the sidewalk, Quinn slipped on a patch of ice and fell on her side. "Stupid... ice," she grunted. She reached up and felt her wig, making sure that it was still in place.

As she began to stand back up, she heard some strange breathing. Turning her head to look at a car that was parked next to the side walk. On the other side, she could see the fur-covered and clawed feet of a Voricanothian. She reached back for her PAK, only to feel her winter jacket. Crouching down, Quinn watched as the beast moved around the car, slowly coming up to the sidewalk.

Quinn slowly backpedaled away from the beast, still heading for her base, but she kept her eyes on the giant space mole. It turned to face her and sniffed the air. The beast's dark fur shuffled on it as it moved forward. It slowly opened its mouth, showing its rows of teeth.

The long tail of the beast swayed and moved on the ground, making scraping noises. Quinn watched the creature as it slowly moved forward, sniffing the air until it stopped. Quinn raised an eyebrow in puzzlement, until the beast snarled and rushed forward. Quinn leapt to the side, only to get whipped in her midsection by the beast's tail.

Rolling on the ground, Quinn quickly picked herself up and launched herself away as the beast crashed into the spot where she had just been. Quinn kept her focus and attention solely on the Voricanothian, not noticing the people coming up on the sidewalk. The beast lunged forward, snapping its jaws at her.

Quinn dodged again, but this time one of the beast's clawed feet had shredded part of her jacket. Looking past the creature, Quinn realized that she and the Voricanothian were both standing in the middle of the street. This was further confirmed when she saw a small car speeding through the lights of the intersection.

The Voricanothian lunged for her again, and this time, Quinn kicked at its lower jaw with her boot, stunning it for a few milliseconds. This was long enough for Quinn to fall to the side and watch as the car slammed into the giant space mole, killing it and splattering its blood onto the road and sidewalk. The car came to a stop and Quinn hurriedly resumed running back to her base.

Meanwhile, Stacey and Andrea, having followed Quinn due to Stacey's suspicions, had seen the battle between Quinn and the giant space mole. "What the hell was that!?" Stacey asked as she looked at the body of the Voricanothian on the street... and the hood, windshield, face-plate, and grill of the car.

* * *

"Computer!" Quinn shouted as she entered her base, "I need a status report, now!" She quickly removed her wig and contact lenses, along with her winter jacket. Feeling free once more, Quinn ran over to a table in the corner of the living room and activated the elevator underneath it. Stepping inside, she quickly selected the her destination and descended to the labs.

"Computer!? Why have you not responded!?" Quinn demanded impatiently. Quinn growled at the lack of response from her base's computer. She soon reached the labs, and saw that metal protective cylinders had been placed around all of the fragile and essential experiments. Tommy Sherman's tank had also been given two layers of protection, including a mesh covering and the metal cylinder over it.

Quinn looked around and noticed that the base was unusually quiet. She walked over to a terminal and saw a small message on it. "Sound producing systems have been deactivated until threat is removed?" Quinn asked as she read the message to herself.

"Okay. But, where's GIR?" she asked. She hadn't seen the little robot at all since she'd entered the base. The TV hadn't been turned on in the living room, and the kitchen, well, Quinn hadn't paid any attention to the kitchen. "Computer, where is GIR?" Quinn asked.

GIR IS LOCATED IN STORAGE ROOM 18-B. I HAVE PLACED HIM IN STASIS.

Quinn raised an eyebrow as she read the message on the terminal screen. "Where is the Voricanothian?" she asked.

FIRST VORICANOTHIAN IS DEAD. THE OTHER TWO ARE PROWLING THE BASE. FOURTH ONE IS UNACCOUNTED FOR.

"Why have you not elminated them yet?" Quinn asked grouchily.

DEFENSIVE SYSTEMS HAVE BEEN COMPROMISED. CIRCUITRY HAS BEEN DESTROYED BY VORICANOTHIANS. I AM USING AS FEW SYSTEMS THAT MAKE NOISE AS POSSIBLE, TO AVOID HAVING MORE ESSENTIAL WIRING AND POWER-SUPPLYING CONDUITS BEING DESTROYED.

"Stupid furry beasts!" Quinn muttered. "Computer, open the door to the weapons locker. I'm going hunting," Quinn said as she retrieved a small laser pistol from her PAK. "This won't be able to stop them, but some of my toys in the locker _will,_ " Quinn said to herself.

"Oh, Computer? The fourth one is dead. It got run over by an Earth vehicle a little while ago," Quinn explained as she made her way to the first blast door. "It seems that you at least followed my orders about the modular security," Quinn said appreciatively. She pressed the open button on the side of the door and entered the hallway. Turning around, she closed the door, and then resumed her trek.

Rounding a corridor, Quinn came across an unusual sight. The lighting of the small intersection was damaged, and the plasma conduit nearby had been sealed. No doubt the computer's work. Looking around, Quinn saw damaged wires and torn open sections f her base's interior. The walls and pipes were shredded.

"Dirty monsters," Quinn muttered. She continued making her way over to the weapons locker, only to stop in her tracks as she heard a sniffing sound. Quickly pressing her back against the wall, Quinn held her laser pistol at the ready. She quietly peeked out over a corner and saw one of the wretched beasts shuffling slowly through the hallway.

Looking just past the Voricanothian, Quinn saw the door that led to the weapons locker. It was within her grasp! If only the beast wasn't blocking her way. Carefully, Quinn began to tip-toe behind the mole beast, slowly making her way over to the door. She kept an eye on the creature's tail, taking note of whenever it swayed to the side.

Just as Quinn was about to reach the door, the creature stopped moving. Her eyes widened and she held her breath as she watched it move its snout back forth in the air. She looked down and saw its tail swaying faster than earlier. Eventually, the beast settled down and continued moving.

Waiting for it to pass a corner, Quinn accessed the control panel for the door. It lit up green and dinged, causing Quinn to smile as the door slid open with a hiss. Unfortunately, the ding had the effect of a dinner bell. Just as Quinn stepped into the small hall between the outer door and the locker, the Voricanothian sped back around, snapping its jaws at Quinn.

Yelping, Quinn pushed back at the beast as it lunged forward, biting her arm and trying to get into the hall. Quinn grunted in pain as she punched its nose and forced it to let go of her. It snarled and hissed before Quinn kicked it in the head, pushing it back into the corridor before closing the door and locking it shut.

Stumbling back and leaning against a wall, Quinn struggled to catch her breath. "Stupid... bastard," she growled as she looked at the wounds on her arm. The gashes from the teeth were deep, but nothing that couldn't be taken care of later. After all, she was an invader.

She slowly made her way to the door and entered the weapons locker. She looked around at the various guns and other weapons that were stacked properly on their racks. There were plasma carbines, laser carbines, plasma rifles, laser rifles, a squeaky chew toy for dogs, an unusable acid-thrower, a flamethrower, electromagnetic pulse grenades, some sharp knives, plasma pistols, stun rods, and some spare laser pistols. She had made all of these herself after setting up the base, although the plasma carbine was a standard weapon.

There were also some heavy-duty weapons that were only used by soldiers, including a plasma grenade launcher, which could fire burning balls of plasma at its target much like a rocket launcher. Quinn delightfully looked over her arsenal as she began checking the last recorded maintenance dates for each one.

She grabbed a plasma carbine and retrieved a battery cell for it, inserting it into the battery port and closing the cap, locking it shut. She began to turn around, before she felt a sense of sluggishness in her left arm. She saw that she was still bleeding, and so she went over to a medical kit and applied sterilization ointment and bandages to the wound. "Better," she said to herself as she grabbed a spare plasma battery for the carbine, and a sharp knife.

She lifted the carbine into an aiming position, but her left arm still felt weak. In fact, her right arm was starting to feel slightly weak as well. "Why am I... oh no," she whispered as she realized that the early stages of paralysis were beginning to set in. She forced her PAK to send a small charge through her body to stave it off. To properly recover from this would require certain systems that made noise, and she could not do that with the Voricanothians running around her base.

Muttering to herself in anger, Quinn slowly trudged forward and began to slow her heartbeat so that the toxin would move slower through her body. "No pain... no gain," she said as she winced from flexing her left arm. Carefully walking up to the door of the hall, Quinn checked to see if the Voricanothian from earlier was still out there.

Scanning the corridor through the small window of the door, she could find no trace of the beast. Taking a deep breath, Quinn unlocked the door and opened it, stepping back and giving herself enough space to aim her carbine. She held her breath as she watched the door slide open, waiting for the inevitable attack from the space mole.

When no attack came, Quinn slowly moved forward, quietly checking her surroundings for any sign of the beast. Even with her slowed breathing, she could feel the toxin spreading as her legs slowly but surely began to feel slightly heavier after a few hundred feet. "Not now," she whispered to herself. "Not before I kill those vermin."

She forced her PAK send another small charge through her body. It stung, but it was necessary as she trudged forward, eventually, finding a torn up blast door in the corridor that led to a spiral stair case. Normally, Irkens would just use elevators and escalators, but in the event that power should fail, having a reliable method of moving through one's base was critical for survival.

She looked down and saw a maintenance hatch on the floor. Kneeling down, she opened it and looked down the maintenance shaft. She was about to close the hatch and move forward, when she heard a hiss and turned around, just in time to see a Voricanothian lunge at her. She raised the plasma carbine up and the beast chomped down on it. With the barrel in the creature's mouth, Quinn squeezed the trigger and fired at least ten times, watching victoriously as the plasma burned through the creature from the inside.

The beast produced a hacking cough mixed with a shriek as it died, and Quinn pulled the barrel out of the Voricanothian's mouth. She panted and exhaled, before remembering to slow down. She slowly stood up, feeling a sense of heaviness in her legs. Her left arm was beginning to feel fuzzy, and she was having some trouble moving it now. "No, not yet," she hissed as she resumed moving through the corridors.

* * *

An hour had passed before Quinn made her way back into the main lab. "Computer," she said, struggling to keep her eyes open, "Can you unfreeze GIR and send him here," she asked sluggishly. She shook her head and forced her PAK to send another charge through her body as she fought against the toxin.

AFFIRMATIVE.

"Good. Locate the last Voricanothian, and open all corridor doors between here and its location, and make sure that GIR arrives here first," Quinn demanded as she began to take deep breaths.

GIR IS BEING UNFROZEN. HE WILL BE MAKING HIS WAY TO THE MAIN LAB SOON. THE FINAL VORICANOTHIAN IS MAKING ITS WAY HERE. GIR WILL NOT ARRIVE BEFORE IT DOES.

Quinn grimaced at the message. She turned around and grabbed her plasma carbine, holding it steady and aiming for the door that was open. Unfortunately, the heaviness in her arms had made moving them an arduous task, and she found that she could only lay the gun on a table and hopefully squeeze the trigger when the time came.

"Computer... please, tell GIR to hurry. I... need his help," Quinn said reluctantly. She didn't bother looking at the terminal for a reply. Just moving her neck was becoming a chore. The toxin's paralysis was setting in faster than she had expected.

Soon, she heard the shuffling sound as the last Voricanothian made its way into her lab. She watched as it slowly strode forward, sniffing the air and waving its hideous nose around. She had the beast in her sights, and she went to squeeze the trigger, only for her finger to not move fast enough or apply enough pressure.

Eyes widening in fear, Quinn watched as the beast slowly began to approach her position, sniffing the air and hissing as it drew near. She watched it slowly move forward. It was almost upon her when she heard a sound coming from another open doorway. The beast turned its head.

Quinn watched with hope in her heart as GIR came barreling out of the doorway. "Buurrrrriiiitttooooooooooossssss!" he cried out as he slammed into the head of the Voricanothian. The beast stumbled back as GIR flipped into the air and landed on his feet.

He turned around and looked at Quinn. "Hi!" he said with a wave. "GIR, eliminate the fur beast," Quinn ordered him. "Okey dokey!" GIR said as his color scheme changed to red and he turned around. His head opened up and his various weapons shot out. Aiming at the Voricanothian, GIR fired his weaponry, cutting the beast up with lasers, and some small plasma bolts.

The Voricanothian was soon nothing more than a burning carcass. GIR changed back to blue as he turned around and looked at Quinn. "Do I get burritos now!?" GIR asked enthusiastically. "Yes, GIR. You can have burritos, but only after you help me get to the medical room," Quinn replied. "Computer, restore all systems to normal and initiate the modular repair sequence on all damaged sections," Quinn said as GIR carried her away.

Quinn sighed in relief as GIR carried her, until he accidentally bumped her head against the wall. "GIR, be careful!" Quinn reprimanded him. "Oops!" GIR said before bumping her three more times. "GIIIIIIIRRRRRR!"

* * *

Ending Theme: Date of Rebirth, by Origa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next episode of Invader Quinn involves The Massive, a resistance group, and Quinn using remote controls.


	7. Backseat Pilots From Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn, eager to show off her latest plan to wipe out humanity to the Tallests, decides to bring them to Earth for front row seats.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 019/2-007: Backseat Pilots From Earth

* * *

Date: Saturday, January 14th, 2098

** The Massive, Flagship of the Irken Armada... **

" _My Tallest! Hey, hey, My Tallest! My Taaalllleeesst! Hey, hey, hey!_ _ **My Tallest!**_ _Hey, My Tallest! Hey, Hey, My Tallest! M-My Tallest! Hey, My Tallest! My Tallest! MY TALLEST! Hey, hey, hey!_ "

Almighty Tallest Red finished sipping his soda and sighed. "I was curious to see how long it would take for you to shut up on your own, Quinn, but it's been three... hours. _**Three hours!**_ " Red exclaimed. "So, what do you want?" Purple asked Quinn.

" _Well, I was just checking on my transmission logs, and I noticed the location tag for each communication. So, having done the math, I've noticed that you are now leaving Blorch! Since you're finished with that place, I was thinking you could come over and watch my latest experiment to doom the humans!_ " Quinn exclaimed happily.

"Uh-" " _I even made sandwiches!_ " Quinn said as she held up a plate of said food items in her hands. "Well, that's very nice and all, but... um, we have some important things to do before we can just take off anywhere! The more you delay us, the longer it'll take, bye!" Purple said before ending the transmission.

"Whew. Do you think she'll ever catch on?" Purple asked Red. "No," Red replied. "But, what if she _does?_ " Purple asked him. "Then we'll make sure she can't do anything about it," Red replied with a gleam in his eyes. Purple sniffed the air. "Hey, someone's making donuts!" he exclaimed before rushing off. "Donuts!" Red exclaimed as he followed Purple.

* * *

**Inside Quinn's Base, One Hour Later...**

Quinn stared at the blank screen. All around her, everything was still. The plate of sandwiches was still in her hands. " **Master, the Tallest cut the transmission an hour ago,** " The Computer said.

Quinn blinked. "Hey... they _did_ cut the transmission! The Tallest fail to see that I am inviting them to front row seats for the destruction of all mankind! My latest plan-" " **Your latest plan is about to explode!** "

"What!?" Quinn asked. She rushed out of the room and a sort hallway, entering a room with a giant containment tank, hosting a horrific-looking monstrosity. Quinn furiously adjusted the controls until the lights changed from red to purple and finally blue. "This thing needs constant adjustments to keep it asleep!" Quinn ranted.

"Where's GIR!? He should have been in here keeping an eye on this!" Quinn said, agitated by the absence of her minion. "GIR! Get in here!" Quinn shouted. GIR soon appeared as the door slid open. He was wearing a sombrero holding a bag of burritos. "GIR, didn't I tell you to stay in this room and monitor the brain parasite?" Quinn asked him in a dangerous tone.

"Yeesss!" GIR chirped. "Then why did you leave the room?" Quinn asked. There was a very dangerous and pissed-off edge to her voice. "I wanted food! I also brought my friend here with me," GIR said. "You did what!? You brought someone into the base!?" Quinn asked in rage.

GIR reached over and brought a small pig into the room with him. "Oh. GIR, why is that pig even in here?" Quinn asked him. "Actually, never mind. I don't think I want to know the answer," she said, shaking her head in frustration. "However, I thought I explained to you the importance of keeping the brain parasite asleep!" Quinn yelled.

"But my brain can't be eaten!" GIR replied. "GIR... we need to keep the brain parasite under control until The Tallest arrive to witness my plan. When released, it will unleash a pain unlike any form of pain ever known upon those who it attacks," Quinn explained. GIR stared blankly at her. "Do you understand anything I just said?" she asked him.

GIR nodded his head. "I hope so. Now, just keep the beast under control!" Quinn ordered as she let GIR take over the containment controls. "Yay! Look at me go! I'm doin' it! I'm doing it!" GIR cried happily. "And, GIR? No more bringing people... or animals into the base. Tuesday's incident with Stacey sneaking in here again was bad enough," Quinn said.

"So, just... stay in this room, and monitor the containment levels. I have to go to the holo-interface room," Quinn said as she turned around and exited the room. She shook her head in disgust at GIR's stupidity. She was seriously tempted to put him back in permanent Duty Mode again. "Just remember the library," Quinn told herself.

* * *

**Morgendorffer Household...**

Daria peeked into Stacey's room as she heard her talking. The lights were dimmed and she was speaking to several silhouettes on floating hover-screens. "And as we can see, the base generates its own power," Stacey said. " _Excellent work, Agent Coyote Pup,_ " Agent Mothman said. All of the Swollen Eyeball Network agents were dark silhouettes against a drab backdrop on the screens. none of their faces could be seen.

"Thank you," Stacey replied with a smile. " _Um, Agent Coyote Pup, who is that standing behind you?_ " Agent Cyber-Hawk asked. Cyber-Hawk was a female SEN agent. "Huh?" Stacey asked as she turned around and saw Daria leaning against the door frame. "D-Daria!? How long have you been standing there?" Stacey asked her worriedly.

Daria was studying the outlines of the SEN agents, seeing if she could recognize them and their voices as she heard them speak. One of them sounded slightly familiar to her, but with the distortion effect in place, she couldn't be entirely sure. Hearing her sister's question, Daria turned her head to look at Stacey.

"Oh, just a minute or two," Daria replied. "Anyway, Sta- _Sis_ , I'm heading over to Jane's place to work on a school assignment. I might not be back for several hours, and Mom and Dad are busy. Just thought I'd let you know," Daria said. "Um... thanks," Stacey said. Daria nodded her head and turned around, walking back to her room to get her supplies for the project.

"Oh, one more thing," Daria said as she paused in front of the open doorway. "I got that translation program setup in the you-know-what, so, have fun with that," Daria said before she continued on her way. "Yes!" Stacey whispered to herself before turning her attention to the SEN agents.

"Finally, I can translate the data in Quinn's base," Stacey said. "Everyone, we are now on the cusp of a breakthrough!" Stacey announced. " _Yes. So, is there anything else that you wanted to share with us?_ " Agent Disembodied Head asked. "Um, for now, I'd actually like to use the new translation software and interface that was implanted in the Spittle Runner to collect more data from Quinn's base," Stacey said.

" _Very well,_ " Agent Cyber-Hawk said with a nod. " _We shall continue this meeting at a later time and date,_ " Agent Tuna Ghost said. Everyone else agreed and ended their transmissions. The hover-screens then flew over to their holding spaces and powered down. Stacey began accessing the spy bug that she had planted in Quinn's base on Tuesday.

Accessing the camera feed, she saw that Quinn was entering the holo-interface room. " _Computer, open a communication line with prisoner number seven seventy seven on planet Vort!_ " "Vort?" Stacey asked. "Time to go to work," she said with a smirk as she sent a signal to the Spittle Runner, telling it to come online and enable the remote link.

Soon, a window with data appeared on her main computer screen. "Planet Vort: Once an ally of the Irken Empire, Vort supplied Irk with much of its military technology. Recently conquered by Invader Larb, Vort is now Irk's top military prison," Stacey read aloud. "They conquer their own allies? What a bunch of bastards," Stacey whispered.

* * *

**Inside Quinn's Base...**

Quinn looked at the screen as the communication line finally opened up. Prisoner 777's back was facing the screen, and there was a tired sigh. " _What is it_ _ **this time**_ _, Quinn?_ " he asked her tiredly. "I want detailed control schematics for The Massive, in addition to instructions for a remote control chair," Quinn said.

Prisoner 777 turned around with a gasp. " _The Tallest's command ship!? That would be_ _ **wroooong!**_ _That would_ _ **infuuuriate the Aarmaaadaa!**_ _I designed that ship, you know? Here ya' go,_ " he said as he inserted a disc into a slot attached to a robotic arm. " _Have fun,_ " he said with a smile.

The screen was soon replaced with Irken symbols and words running down, showing Quinn the schematics of the ship. "Yes," she whispered. "Yes! YES! YEEESSS! If the Tallest can't come on their own, then I'll just _bring them here!_ They'll be so happy when they get to see my latest plan get put into action!" Quinn squealed with delight.

* * *

"She's... bringing her leaders to Earth!? No! I have to stop her!" Stacey announced as she stood up from her chair and tripped. "Ow," she muttered before she got up and brushed herself off as she ran out of the room. She quickly made her way downstairs and out the door, heading to the garage. Quickly lifting up the garage door, Stacey went inside and hopped into the open cockpit of the Spittle Runner.

"Okay, baby, let's see what you can do," Stacey said as she started pressing buttons on the main control panel. Daria and Jane had helped her memorize the control scheme layout, and Andrea had managed to get an improvised instruction manual made by her mother.

* * *

**Meanwhile, Inside The Massive...**

Tallest Red and Purple gorged themselves on donuts as several of their bridge crew were forced to watch them. "This one's got sprinkles!" Purple said in delight as he stuffed a sprinkle-covered donut into his mouth. Red smiled as he munched on glazed donut, before reaching into his bag to procure a chocolate one. As he brought the chocolate donut up to his mouth, he saw something on the main screen that caused him to drop the bag in shock.

Purple looked down at the bag and then at Red, who was still holding a donut in his right hand. "Hey, why did you..." Purple trailed off as he looked and saw what Red was staring at on the screen. He too dropped his bag of donuts.

After a few seconds of waiting, the bridge crew lunged forward and snagged as many donuts as they could before stashing the snacks into pockets and other hidden cabinets that were placed throughout the bridge. They then looked up at the sight that currently had their leaders transfixed. Red and Purple both blinked in confusion.

A large space ship was approaching them. It wasn't as large as The Massive, but it still had a great deal of size to it. "Hey," Purple said in recognition, "That's a _Vortian Assault Cruiser!_ I thought we destroyed all of them after Vort was conquered." "It looks like we may have missed a few of them," Red commented as he began taking small bites out of his chocolate donut.

* * *

On the bridge of the Vort Assault Cruiser, several personnel were at their stations. The crew of the ship were a mix of various races, all of whom had a grievance with the Irken Empire, especially the captain, Lard Nar. Nar was a Vortian, and was among the personnel who had been stationed on the ship when the Irken Military had invaded Vort after Invader Larb had successfully managed to sabotage several power-generating and industrial facilities.

Only a handful of assault cruisers and other Vortian military vessels had managed to escape the onslaught of their planet intact, and many of their crews had already gone into hiding, preferring to stay alive and hide than to fight and most-definitely get killed. Nar looked around at his varied crew before he stared out again at The Massive.

A small green alien vomited all over herself, and a large three-headed alien glanced over at her before returning his attention to his instrument panel. A cyber suit with a hovering brain manned a control station nearby, and a four-legged insectoid alien strode over to a door and exited the bridge. A small funnel alien named Shloontapooxis hovered next to Lard Nar.

Captain Nar took a deep breath and closed his eyes before opening them again. He stared out at The Massive, gulping as he took in the sheer size of the thing. There were two smaller escort vessels next to it, but they were negligible compared to the power that The Massive wielded on its own.

"Okay, everyone! This is it! Today, we launch our first act of resistance against Operation Impending Doom Two!" Nar announced. "Woo! All right!" Shloontapooxis chimed in. "That's The Massive out there," Nar said as he pointed at the gigantic vessel. "My people built most of that thing, so I know just how powerful it is."

Nar was silent for a few seconds as the reality of things set in. "We're all gonna die! Whose idea _was_ this!?" he screamed in panic and terror. "Uh, it was mine," an alien named Spleenk said as he stepped forward while rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry about that," he apologized.

"Well, anyway, our main goal is to knock a hole in one of those side storage pods. Those pods hold tons of food, all of which we can use to feed the growing resistance," Nar said. "We're gonna _diiiiiieeeee!_ " Shloontapooxis cried out as he rolled around on the floor. "Shloon, get a hold of yourself," Nar said with a frown and a glare. "I don't wanna die!" Shloontapooxis continued crying.

* * *

Purple stared at the Vort vessel, while Red finally finished eating his chocolate donut. He had been eating very slowly, trying to savor the taste, since he had dropped the rest of his donuts on the floor, and could not find them anywhere. After he swallowed the last bite, Red rubbed his chin.

"Okay... you ready?" Purple asked him. Red smirked. "Yeah. Let's teach 'em that they should've just stayed in hiding," Red said. Purple pointed a finger at the ship. "Hey, someone call them and tell them that we're gonna blow them up!" Purple ordered.

"What? Why not just blow them up right away? Then they won't even get a chance to evacuate their ship if we do that," Red said. "Yeah, but taunting them before we kill them is far more fun," Purple said. "Hmm... you do have a good point there. Okay, I'll go along with it," Red said.

* * *

Lard Nar heard a beeping sound and looked down to see the hailing symbol blinking on his command chair. "They're hailing us! They're hailing us! Quickly, we need a name!" he cried out as he looked around at his crew. "I know!" Shloontapooxis said. "How about the Pirate Monkeys!? It's an awesome name," he suggested with a smile. "Um... I think there's a music group with that name somewhere near Foodcourtia," another Vortian said.

"Hmm, I think you're right, Ensign. Besides, we need a name that will strike _fear_ into all who hear of us! Does anyone else have a suggestion?" Lard Nar asked, hoping that Spleenk wouldn't suggest anything. Another officer stepped forward. "How about the Turd Bombers? Since we'll be making them eat our dookie!" "Um... no. Just... no," Nar replied with a shake of his head.

Then, Spleen spoke up, waving his hands excitedly. _Please, no_ , Nar thought. "I got it! I got it!" Spleen announced. "Okay, let's hear it," Nar said.

* * *

"Hmm, did they get our hailing call?" Purple asked. "I don't know, maybe their ship only looks functional from the outside or something. The inside could be garbage put together with string and tape!" Red snickered. Purple joined him in laughing, at least until a response message appeared on the main screen.

"Oh, they did get the call," Purple said. The screen soon showed several tall and imposing silhouettes with glowing eyes. Red raised an eye at this. "Identify yourselves," Red demanded. " _We... are the Resisty!_ " the leader announced. Purple began shaking his head. " _And we have come to_ -" "Wait, wait!" Purple said while holding a hand out.

"Let me get this straight. Your name is... the _Resisty?_ " he asked them incredulously. " _Yes, and we_ -" "That's a _stupid_ name," Purple said bluntly. The lights soon came on in the bridge of the Vort vessel, and the crew members dropped their cardboard cutouts with lights, revealing several smaller aliens, including Lard Nar and Spleenk.

" _Gah!_ " Nar screamed. " _I_ _ **knew**_ _that name was stupid! Why do I keep listening to you!?_ " he shrieked at Spleenk. Spleenk rubbed the back of his head. " _I don't know,_ " he replied sheepishly.

Red sighed at the antics of the resistance group, and then narrowed his eyes. "Destroy them!" he ordered, pointing at the viewscreen. The crew of the Vortian ship heard this and began to panic. "Fire some kind of... big... laser thingy at them! Right now!" Red ordered. The crew of the Resisty ship began screaming and crying in fear and panic now.

The main cannon of The Massive began powering up, and Red and Purple grabbed more donuts before returning to their spot in the center of the bridge to laugh at the crew of the enemy ship. They stuffed their faces as they saw the charging sequence on one of the other screens on the bridge. "Bye-bye!" Red said with a wave before stuffing his mouth with a donut. Purple merely laughed while eating, almost choking but managing to clear his throat in time.

Just as the ship was ready to fire, The Massive jerked to the side, sending the beam firing past the Resisty's ship, missing it. "What the-aaiieee!" Red yelled as The Massive began jerking around more, soon moving in a completely new direction. "What's happening!? Why have we lost control!?" Purple screamed in panic and confusion.

* * *

Back on Earth, in her base, Quinn was sitting in a remote control command chair. "Ah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" she laughed maniacally as she drove The Massive away from the Resisty ship and through an asteroid field. "I can't wait to see the looks on the Tallest's faces when they get here! They'll be so happy!" Quinn squealed.

* * *

On board The Massive, the bridge crew was being flung around, crashing into terminals and safety rails. One officer who'd managed to remain at his station had a worried look on his face as he accessed his control panel. "My Tallest! Our weapons are offline!" he called out to his leaders.

"What?!" Red snapped at him. "Our weapons aren't responding! We're defenseless!" the officer announced in a panicked tone. Red and Purple's eyes widened at the news. Meanwhile, the viewscreen was still active, and so the channel between the Resisty's ship and the Massive was still open.

* * *

On board the Resisty's ship, Lard Nar watched as The Massive flew out of control. "Did you hear that? Their weapons are _down!_ After them! Get those snacks!" Nar ordered his crew. "Hey, what should we call our ship?" Shloontapooxis asked him. "Oh, that's easy," Nar replied with a smirk, "The Resistor."

"Huh? That's a lot of words," Shloontapooxis said in response. "Wha-never mind," Nar said as he returned his attention to The Massive as it flew around crazily. The Resistor fired its main gun at The Massive, hitting it several times with a blue energy beam.

"And someone cut the transmission between our ships!" Nar ordered. The main viewscreen returned to showing the Massive as their weapons hit it multiple times. Lard Nar smirked as he watched the Irken Armada's mightiest ship taking a beating.

* * *

"Sirs, artificial gravity is offline in twenty sections of the ship, including the bridge!" an officer announced. Red made his way over to a terminal and began accessing the ship's main computer system. Purple floated over to him. "What are you doing?!" Purple cried out.

"I'm running a manual diagnostic to find the problem!" Red replied. He turned his head and saw an officer floating around with the donuts. "You! Save the donuts!" Red ordered him, just as The Massive shook from another blast of the Resistor's main gun.

Just as the Resistor fired another beam, The Massive shook and flew back in their direction, narrowly missing the Resistor. "Wooaahhh!" Red and Purple cried at the ship crashed into a large asteroid before pulling up, scraping the surface of the rock. "What is going on?!" Purple screamed.

* * *

"What the?" Quinn asked in confusion before she pressed a button on her command chair. "I didn't tell the ship to do that!" she cried out angrily. Soon, a hologram appeared next her, showing someone else sitting in the cockpit of a Spittle Runner. Quinn's eyes widened. " _You're right, Quinn._ _ **I**_ _told the ship to do that!_ " Stacey announced proudly.

"Stacey!" Quinn growled. " _Who else?"_ Stacey asked with a smirk. " _And before you ask, I'm using your computers to project this hologram,_ " Stacey explained. "Grr! Get out of my computer, Stacey!" Quinn snapped. Stacey just yawned. " _Uh-huh. Whatever,_ " Stacey's hologram said.

"You'll ruin everything!" Quinn snarled at the hologram. Quinn grabbed her controls and yanked them back. " _Hey, quit it!_ " Stacey's hologram cried. "Let go!" Quinn snapped at her rival. " _Why, so you can bring them to Earth? Fat chance, Quinn!_ "

* * *

The Massive spun around, sending Red and Purple slamming into multiple parts of the bridge. "Ow, my head!" Purple mumbled. Red opened his eyes and grabbed onto a safety rail, before looking at the windshield viewscreen. "Uh-oh," he said with a gulp. The Massive was heading straight for a star. "Anyone! Can we still raise our blast shields to maximum, or anything!?" Red asked.

"We can only raise our heat shields on the windows!" A technician announced. "Raise them! Raise every shield that can be raised!" Red ordered. Purple looked over and saw the star that they were heading for. "Aaahhhhh!" he screamed. He rushed over and grabbed Red, holding onto him for dear life. "Aaaahhh!" they both screamed as The Massive drew closer to the star.

Soon, the entire viewscreen was filled with nothing but the star's surface. "It ain't so bad," Purple said. "I think so too," Red agreed. The Massive then entered the star, becoming engulfed by it.

* * *

"Did they just fly into that thing!?" Nar asked in disbelief. "Hey, we won!" a female Vortian officer cried out. "Pull away and head for the other side of that star!" Nar ordered. "But, Captain, The Massive-" "Just do it!" Nar ordered firmly.

* * *

A minute later, The Massive exited from the other side of the star, burnt and looking damaged, but still intact. "Let's never go through that again," Red said as he wiped the sweat from his head. "How are the shields?" he asked a technician. "They worked, but they'll need to be replaced! We won't survive if we go through another star again," a technician replied.

Red took a deep breath and returned to the terminal where he had accessed the main computer system. "Okay, how far along are we?" he asked rhetorically. He looked back up at the main view-screen. "Where are we going?" he wondered out loud.

* * *

"Woohoo! Did anyone else think that was cool!?" Shloontapooxis asked. "Because I did!" he said after a few seconds of silence. "Resume firing!" Lard Nar ordered. "Don't let them get away!"

The Resistor flew forward, once again firing its guns at The Massive. Nar smirked. "Gunners, use the two forward prong cannons to carve a message into their backside," Nar said with a grin on his face.

* * *

"Finally!" Red exclaimed. "Voice interface is back online! Computer, check each system for cause of problem!" Red ordered. Purple floated up to him, stuffing donuts into his mouth as he garbled something unintelligible. Red looked at his counterpart quizzically before Purple floated away and collected more donuts.

* * *

"Let go, Stacey!" Quinn shouted as she looked over at the hologram. She took a minute to study the features of Stacey's equipment. "Wait a minute... that's _Irken_ technology that you're using, isn't it!?" Quinn asked in rage. " _Indeed it is, Quinn. In fact, your little_ -" "Grr, isn't it!?" Quinn interrupted her. " _I already said it was! Geez, you have a listening problem,_ " Stacey's hologram replied. "Grah! _ **ISN'T IT?!**_ " Quinn bellowed with rage one last time.

Quinn snarled at Stacey's hologram before calming down enough to think in a slightly rational manner. "Wait, how did you-" " **Warning! Parasite containment levels are critical!** " The Computer announced. "GIR!" Quinn yelled in anger and frustration as she leapt out of the chair and exited the room.

She ran down the hallway at breakneck speed. Rounding a corridor, she stopped just outside of the room. She was about to open the door when the computer made another announcement. " **Proximity warning! Someone's at the door!** "

"Grr, let the robot parents handle it; that's what they're for!" Quinn snapped as she opened the door and ran inside the parasite containment room. GIR was lying face-down in a pile of white stuff, and the pig he had brought with him was squealing and trying to nudge the robot, apparently in an attempt to either move GIR out of the way and access the controls or in an attempt to wake the robot so that it could resume its duties. In either case, the pig was the most intelligent life form in the room at that moment.

"GIR, what are you doing!?" Quinn asked in fury. GIR lifted his head up and turned around to look at Quinn. "I made mashed poe-tay-toes!" GIR announced proudly. "Yes, and muffins," Quinn replied, eyeing the treats sitting next to the tray. "Now, fix the containment levels!" Quinn hollered at him. GIR saluted Quinn and pushed the tray aside before accessing the control panel.

* * *

A young girl wearing a winter coat stood outside the door of the freakish green house. She was holding some books in her hands. She'd had an excellent sell over at the Gupty residence, and she was hoping to give some books from her church to these people as well, so that she could meet her quota and go home for the night. Despite the cold air outside, she was smiling. She smiled even brighter when the door opened and two odd-looking looking people strode out. Her smile faded a little bit and she took in their appearance.

* * *

"Okay, the containment levels are stable," Quinn said with a relieved sigh. " **Quinn! Something's happening at the door. Something... horrible,** " The Computer announced as a small monitor descended to show Quinn what was happening. The robot parents were tossing a young girl back and forth, and the girl was screaming in terror.

Quinn tilted her head in puzzlement, and then she cried out in apprehension at what was happening upstairs. "GIR, I need you to go control The Massive in the holo-interface room!" Quinn announced to her robot. "I have to go up above!" Quinn said.

GIR turned to look at er and smiled. "Yaaaaaaaayyy! I don't know what you just said!" he cried happily as he ran out of the room. The pig decided to hide itself in a corner as Quinn ran over to an elevator tube and hopped inside.

Quinn quickly grabbed her wig and contact lenses from her PAK and put them on before she emerged from the kitchen trash can. Climbing out, she ran over to the open door, where the robot parents had gotten the attention of several neighbors. A small crowd had gathered at the fence. Robo-Dad had his mouth around part of the girl's head.

"Hey!" Robo-Mom cried out. "Hey everyone, hey! Hey everyone, hey! Come on over and help us eat this little girl!" Robo-Mom shouted before she knelt down and opened her mouth to chomp onto the other side of the girl's head. "Aaaaaiieeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!" the girl screamed.

Quinn ran over in front of the robot parents and pried their mouths off of the girl. She helped the girl up and then pushed her over into the crowd. Turning around, Quinn grabbed the robot parents and dragged them into the house before closing the door. Robo-Dad spun around to glare at Quinn.

"That's bad manners, daughter," he said. "I guess we haven't taught you well enough," he muttered before he leaned down and wrapped his arms around Quinn in a hug. "We never spend enough _quality time_ together," he said sadly, before he frowned. "Time to LEARN YOU... _A LESSON!_ " he roared at Quinn before grabbing her and holding her in the air.

Robo-Mom clasped her hands in delight at the scene. "Oh, how adorable! I'll go get the camera!" Quinn quickly wormed out of Robo-Dad's grip and ran over to the kitchen and opened the trash can, jumping in. The robot parents slammed into it as Quinn fell to the elevator pad and selected the previous level.

"Why can't anything go right today!?" Quinn shrieked in frustration. As the elevator descended, she heard banging noises and voices. The robot parents had managed to follow her into the elevator tube.

As soon as she made it to the bottom of the shaft, Quinn ran at full force through the hallways and back into the holo-interface chamber. GIR was jerking the controls around, making The Massive move wildly. "Weehoo!" GIR cried out happily.

" _Hey, knock it off! You're messing me up!_ " Stacey's hologram cried out. "Yeah! Look at me go!" GIR cried out with a smile as he made The Massive perform flips and 360 degree turns and loops. Quinn's eyes widened as she realized that the Tallest may not survive those G-Forces, and that was regardless of the state of the artificial gravity on the ship.

Quinn rushed over and pulled GIR out of the chair, holding him by his metal face. "Okay, GIR, this is very important," Quinn said. GIR clasped and unclasped his hands and opened and closed his mouth in anticipation. "Go back to the containment room and keep the levels stable. Do you hear me!?" Quinn asked the robot.

" _THIS_ is your greatest moment ever! Now go!" Quinn exclaimed as she let go of the robot's head. GIR pounded his chest and produced strange grunts and chirps before yelling out and running at full speed toward the door. When he was one foot from the door, he lied down and went to sleep.

Quinn jumped into the command chair and began fighting against Stacey for control of The Massive. " _Ha! This little Spittle Runner must be really powerful if it's able to work against your entire base's computer systems!_ " Stacey said with a grin. "Never! Check this out," Quinn said as she pressed a button on the chair. The Massive pulled up into a loop and it's engines went into near-overdrive.

* * *

"No!" Red cried out as The Massive activated its FTL drive and jumped into hyperspace. "Not good! Not good at all!" Red screamed as he watched the stars become nothing but streaks and lines around the view-screen of the bridge. "At least we lost the Resisty. Man, that name's stupid," Red muttered before Purple accidentally slammed into him.

* * *

"Follow them! Follow them!" Lard Nar screamed after The Massive disappeared into hyperspace. At least one of its surviving escort ships had managed to follow it the entire way, including the jump. The Resistor soon made the jump to hyperspace as well, following The Massive before its window closed.

The three vessels were now in the same hyper stream, all heading for a destination unknown to any of them.

"Just where are we heading?" Lard Nar wondered. "Navigators, I want a scan of the system we were just in, and a course plotted for all systems that we are pointed at!" Lard Nar demanded. "Yes, sir!" Sal Gorth, a Vortian bridge technician, announced in a slightly nervous tone. Spleenk was busy biting his finger nails, and Shloontapooxis was busy hitting the fire button on the main controls of Nar's chair, sending beam after beam of energy towards The Massive.

"Yeah! This is awesome!" Shloontapooxis cried out with a smile. "Good for you," Nar said as he watched The Massive get hit with more attacks from their main gun.

* * *

"Ha!" Quinn cried out victoriously. "You're _nothing_ , Earth girl! Go home and shave your giant head of smell with your bad self!" Stacey's eyes widened and one of them twitched at hearing Quinn's bizarre statement. " _Okay, Quinn? There are all **kinds** of things that are wrong with what you just said,_ " Stacey told her.

Quinn merely grinned before she returned her attention to the display of The Massive. " _Hey, what's that other ship that's following The Massive?_ " Stacey asked. She'd noticed it earlier, but had initially assumed it to be an escort vessel, at least until it had begun firing on The Massive.

Of course, she had been too busy fighting both Quinn and GIR for control of The Massive to really pay much more attention to the other ship that was attacking it. "It's a Vortian Assault Cruiser!" Quinn snapped. " _Vortian? You mean those guys who were your allies until you decided to back-stab them and conquer their planet?_ " Stacey asked Quinn.

"Uh... yeah, that's them," Quinn said thoughtfully, until she realized something. "Wait a minute... how do _you_ know any of that!?" Quinn asked her opponent. " _I intercepted a transmission from your people six months before you arrived on Earth, Quinn! I have plenty of resources at my disposal,_ " Stacey replied.

"Like an Irken Spittle Runner," Quinn spat. "How did you even get that thing anyway?" Quinn asked Stacey. " _That's for me to know, and you to never find out,_ " Stacey replied through her hologram. Quinn's eyes widened as she remembered something. _There were_ _ **TWO**_ _packages sent to me by the Tallest! One had the Megadoomer, and the other... disappeared later that night. But how did Stacey get into my base and capture it? Surely I would have noticed an unauthorized intrusion into the vehicle bay._

While Quinn was distracted, Stacey ended up disengaging the FTL drive of The Massive, causing the ship to quickly fall out of hyperspace, along with its escort and the Resistor, who was still attacking it. Unfortunately, the three ships fell out into the Sol system, and only one AU* from Earth to boot.

 _GIR and the computer both would have notified me if someone had broken into the base, even GIR when he isn't stuffing his mouth. How does a robot process food anyway? That's always bugged me_ , Quinn wondered. _Wait... GIR was down in the vehicle bay after we returned home. GIR... that idiot! I'm going to turn him into scrap when I'm done with Stacey!_

Quinn was brought out of her musings when the door to the room began to clang. The robot parents began to rip it open and stick their heads inside. "Come on, Quinn! Let's go play in the TOILET!" Robo-Dad cried out enthusiastically. Stacey's hologram widened its eyes.

" _What the hell is wrong with those robots?_ " she asked Quinn. "Far more than I care to know," Quinn replied before she jumped out of the chair and ran over to the door. "Computer, activate the door's force field!" Quinn ordered as she pushed the robot parents' heads back. She quickly jumped away and watched as a series of red beams shot forth from symmetrical holes located on both sides of the door.

The robot parents were stopped in their tracks by the force field. "Whew!" Quinn said in relief as she turned around to go back to the chair. She then tripped over GIR and fell on her face. "Dammit, GIR!" Quinn yelled out. She quickly made her way over to chair and got back in. She noticed that The Massive was no longer moving.

"What have you done!?" Quinn cried out. " _I'm giving the Vortians a chance for proper revenge,_ " Stacey replied with a chuckle. "No, you vile piece of filth!" Quinn shouted at Stacey's hologram. Stacey started laughing in response.

" **Quinn, I have located an alien monitoring device deep within the base,** " The Computer announced. "Ha! I found your spy-bug, Stacey! Computer, lock on to Stacey's transmission signal," Quinn said with a vicious grin. "Now, transmit signal code one-six-three-zero-nine!" Quinn ordered.

" _Quiiiinn! Quiiinnnn!_ " Stacey's hologram cried out as she felt the controls of the Spittle Runner become unresponsive. " _What did you do?_ " Stacey asked. "That's Irken technology that you're using," Quinn replied. "All I'm doing is reminding it," Quinn replied.

" _Reminding it?_ " Stacey asked, confused. "Yes. Now, Computer, transmit the proper signal for anti-theft defense against a foreign user!" Quinn said. She smirked as she watched the panicked look on Stacey's face grow.

* * *

Stacey looked around as the cockpit of the Spittle Runner dimmed, before the lights shined red. " **Intruder alert. Non-Irken presence detected!** " a generic voice announced from within the cockpit. " **Please remove your filthy meat from the cockpit immediately!** "

Stacey was thrown forward as the cockpit spin around. She flew out and skidded across the garage floor. "Ouch," Stacey muttered as she got up and looked at the ship. "No! The Massive's almost here; you gotta let me back in!" Stacey cried.

Quinn's voice cackled over the ship's speakers. " ** _Ha-ha-ha-haaa!_** " Parts of the Spittle Runner soon became limbs, and one sharp limb rose up. " ** _Its over, Stacey! Dun-dun-duuuhnn!_** " Quinn cackled over the speakers as she brought the limb down, slamming it into the ground where Stacey had been just scant seconds ago. " ** _Now, Stacey! Witness the end of the human race!_** " Quinn exclaimed. "But, I don't wanna watch that!" Stacey cried out. " ** _Too bad!_** "

* * *

Tallest Red took a crawled up to the terminal. "Scan complete? Finally! I've located the problem," he announced as artificial gravity was properly restored. A bridge officer fell onto the terminal. "My spine," the officer moaned. Red shoved him to the side and looked at the terminal readings.

"There's a signal coming from planet... Earth! It's locked onto our... our power core!? _Quinn!_ " Red snarled in anger. "Are we gonna blow her up?" Purple asked with food in his mouth. "Yes, but first, we need to ditch our power core. Someone, beam the power core into the Resisty's ship; it'll be their problem. Beam their functioning core into our ship. It should be compatible, considering when both of these vessels were made," Red said.

Looking around the bridge however, he saw that the majority of the bridge crew were either seriously injured or dead. One of the few officers capable of movement was currently pinned down by a fallen girder, and the officer next to him was bleeding out. Red frowned and made his way over to a control panel.

* * *

Lard Nar blinked in confusion as the main gun went offline. "Um... what just happened?" he asked rhetorically. "Captain Nar, we've lost all weapon systems!" A crew member said. "What!? How?!" Nar asked. "Captain, I've got good news and BAD!" Shloontapooxis said with a smile. "The bad news is that our power core has been teleported OUT of the ship!" Shloontapoooxis said.

"And the _good_ news!?" Nar asked fearfully. "Well, it's been replaced by a new, HORRIBLE ONE!" Shloontapooxis replied happily. Nar frowned and one of his eyes twitched. "Captain!" Spleenk cried out. "We're being pulled toward that planet! We're going way too fast and we'regonnacrashandit'sgonnahurtandIdon'twannadie aaahhhhhhhh!" Spleenk cried out as he began spazzing out on the floor.

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Lard Nar cried out before regaining his composure. "I mean... evacuate the ship! All hands, evacuate the ship!" he ordered. "But Captain, where will we go!? We're in an uncharted system!" Sal asked him. "Uh... we'll take the mobile command center with us! We'll send out a sub-space signal after we've found a moon or something to hide on, and wait for pickup from an ally. Or we can just use a multi-ship FTL jump to carry us all back to an allied system," Nar suggested.

He turned to look at the image of The Massive on the screen. "Hear this, Irken scum! You have not seen the last... of the Resisty! That's right, that's still our name, dumb as it is!" Nar announced proudly. "Before we go, someone activate the Shrinky Self-Destruct! No aliens will take the secrets of this ship! No one!" Nar ordered.

" **Shrinky Self-Destruct activated!** " came a voice from a speaker system. "Let's go!" Nar said as he left the bridge with his crew. Dozens of escape pods soon exited the ship, along with a medium sized vessel from within the main center.

The ship itself soon began to shrink in size, eventually becoming no smaller than a Chihuahua before it exploded. Inside the Mobile Command Center, Lard Nar looked at an image of the Earth on a view screen. "Whoever was controlling The Massive wanted to bring them to this planet, but why? For what purpose?" he wondered out loud.

* * *

"No!" Quinn screamed as the symbol representing The Massive disappeared. "No, My Tallest! My Tallest!" Quinn screamed over and over again. Stacey's hologram soon appeared again. " _Ha! You've failed, Quinn!_ " Stacey's hologram spat before disappearing. Quinn pulled the behavioral modulator out of her PAK and aimed it at GIR.

"GIR!" she shouted with rage, waking the robot up. "Go find Stacey and _**KILL HER** **!**_ " Quinn ordered as she set GIR to Duty Mode. GIR's eyes became red and he frowned at her. "I will unleash the parasite on the enemy," GIR said, changing his frown into a smile. "Yes! Yes, unleash the parasite!" Quinn cried out.

"Of course," GIR said slyly before he deactivated the force field and shoved the robot parents out of the way. "Bad dog," Robo-Dad said as he lied on his back. "Finally," Quinn said to herself. "Why did I not want to do that again?" she asked herself.

* * *

**The Massive, In Orbit Around Jupiter, One Hour Later...**

Docked outside of the The Massive were several medical and engineering transports, as well as a gigantic mobile refit and repair station. On the wrecked bridge of The Massive, Red and Purple watched as half of their bridge crew were taken away on stretchers and in body bags. "Okay, let's give our old friend Quinn a call," Red said, seething with barely-hidden rage. Purple cracked his spindly knuckles. "Yeah, I'm gonna make her hurt," he said with a wicked smile.

The viewscreen soon showed an image of the inside of Quinn's base. GIR was standing by, his color scheme red, and the robot parents were shoving muffins into each other's mouths while tossing a pig back and forth. GIR turned to look at the screen. " _Hello, My Tallest,_ " he said in a creepy tone. "GIR?" Red asked. "Where's Quinn? We want to have a word with her," Red explained.

" _The moron is currently being dealt with,_ " GIR said with a smile before chuckling. He made a gesture with his arms. " _Behold,_ " he said as the screen showed Quinn's predicament. Quinn was running around, screaming in agony as the brain parasite attacked her head. " _My brain! My braaaaaiiiiin!_ "

" _Beautiful, isn't it?_ " GIR asked them. Red and Purple's mouths were hanging open in shock, disgust, and amazement. "I think I'm gonna throw up," Purple said before he hovered over to the side. Red turned to look at his counterpart. "No! Not on the donuts!" Red exclaimed before turning back to look at GIR.

"You're creepy, GIR," Red said. " _I am efficient,_ " GIR retorted subtly. "Yeah, well, I guess you've managed to make Quinn suffer before we could, so... good job, I guess," Red said reluctantly. " _Thank you,_ " GIR replied as Quinn continued running around and screaming in agony behind him. " _My brain meats!_ "

* * *

**Inside The Garage Of The Morgendorffer House...**

Stacey sat up in the cockpit of the Spittle Runner with her laptop. "Attention, any and all Vortian space craft. This is Stacey Morgendorffer of Earth. You have a new ally in your fight against the Irken Empire."

* * *

Ending Theme: Date of Rebirth, by Origa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, episode seven of Invader Quinn Season/Section Two! With the direction I'm taking things, I'm starting to think more and more of the seasons being like sections of a book, with each episode being long chapters that tell a slightly disjointed but still connected series of events throughout a story. I hope that everyone has enjoyed the series so far. The next episode deals with the aftermath of Quinn's actions with The Massive, and the return of someone we haven't seen since the Christmas episode.
> 
> *An AU is the distance between Earth and Sol, aka our sun.


	8. Inspector Skoodge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovering from the remote joyride that Quinn took the Massive on, The Tallests decide that Quinn needs to be kept under observation while still remaining on Earth. But just who could possibly have the fortitude to survive being around the destructive Quinn?

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 020/2-008: Inspector Skoodge

* * *

Date: Monday, January 16th, 2098

**The Massive, Flagship of the Irken Armada, In Orbit Around Jupiter...**

Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple scanned the newly refurbished bridge of The Massive. The damage caused by Quinn's joyride with the ship had been mostly repaired, although there were still sections of the ship that needed to be replaced completely. Only half of the original bridge crew were still alive as well.

"And, we've added extra security layers to the controls for the power core," one of the repairmen said as he led the Tallest on a tour of The Massive. "So, how many of our crew survived?" Red asked. "The casualty list is at one third of your total crew, so two thirds survived the incident," the shorter Irken replied.

"It feels like Impending Doom One all over again," Red commented. "At least this time the damage was relegated to just one ship and not half a planet," Purple said. "So, how long until we can take The Massive back to Irken territory?" Red asked the technician. "At least another two days, maybe one if the supply ships arrive today. The FTL drive is in bad condition, and it needs to be either extensively repaired or replaced entirely," the technician replied.

"In the meantime, we're stuck in this system, and we have no idea if those Resisty people survived after we switched our power core with theirs," Red said with a frown. "Hey, we could personally visit Quinn and pummel her ourselves, since we're close by," Purple suggested. "I'd rather _not_ go anywhere near Quinn right now," Red replied.

"Sirs," a communications officer said, "We're receiving a signal from Blorch." "Blorch? Did something happen to the construction crews?" Red asked. The main screen soon turned on and revealed a short Irken saluting them. "Skoodge!?" Red and Purple exclaimed in unison.

" _Greetings, My Tallest!_ " Skoodge said. "Y-You're... alive?" Red asked in disbelief. "But, how did you survive the organic sweep?" Purple asked him. " _I used my PAK to generate an energy shield as I passed through the planet's atmosphere, and then I had to... use the fabric of my own clothes as a parachute. It didn't last very long, though. Fortunately, part of my base was still intact, so I was able to get a replacement uniform after I hit the ground,_ " Skoodge said, slightly embarrassed at the admission of having to run around without any clothing other than his gloves and boots.

"Well, that's... interesting, Skoodge," Purple said. " _Hey, the bridge of The Massive looks a little different from last time. Are you guys remodeling?_ " Skoodge asked them. "In a manner of speaking. Quinn somehow gained remote access to the ship's power core and flew us through a star! At least a third of the ship's entire crew have died, and we're stuck here in the same planetary system as that nuclear mole!" Red exclaimed in anger.

Skoodge merely blinked at them with an expression of astonishment on his face. " _Wow. How did Quinn gain remote access to the power core?_ " Skoodge asked them. "I don't know... yet," Red said. " _Sounds like you need someone down there to keep an eye on her,_ " Skoodge said.

"Yeah, but who would willingly... hold on, Skoodge," Red said as he got an idea. He grabbed Purple and dragged him over to a corner. "Okay, We need someone to keep an eye on Quinn so that she can't do this kind of thing again," Red whispered. "Uh-huh. But who could we send down there? You know how destructive she is. Anyone we send would end up dying before the end of their first day," Purple whispered back.

"Oh, don't worry," Red said, "I have the perfect candidate in mind." "Who?" Purple asked him. "Look at the screen," Red told him. "I don't see anyone except Skoodge," Purple said quietly. Red gave him a look of incredulity. "Oh!" Purple whispered as realization dawned on him. "But... him? Are you sure?" Purple asked him. "He survived Blorch, _and_ he was at ground zero when Quinn screwed up Impending Doom One. He's a perfect candidate," Red replied quietly.

The two Tallest made their way back over to the central platform of the bridge. "Skoodge, we've decided that your idea has merit. And, um, we've both decided that you are the most qualified person for the job," Red said. " _Huh? Me?_ " Skoodge asked in return.

"Oh yes," Red said. "You survived training, Quinn's rampage on Irk, Blorch, the organic sweep, and so much more. You were the second-" "First!" Purple interrupted, "Okay, _officially_ , the first invader to conquer a planet on your own. You are the single most qualified individual for the job," Red said to him. "You're nearly indestructible, and Quinn does a lot of destroying," Purple added.

"So, how about it, _Inspector_ Skoodge?" Red said to him. " _In-Inspector? I'm... not sure that I follow,_ " Skoodge replied. "Your new official title is Inspector. And you are hereby assigned to Earth, in order to inspect it and monitor Quinn's progress. But, most importantly, you will be in charge of making sure that she _doesn't_ do anything like this again! Do you understand, Inspector Skoodge?" Red asked him.

" _Yes, Sir!_ " Skoodge replied with a salute. "Good. What system are you in right now?" Red asked him. " _I'm still in the Vornak system, where Blorch is located,_ " Skoodge replied.

"How long will it take you to reach our location?" Red asked him. " _Um, let me see what your coordinates are,_ " Skoodge said before a technician came over and threw a data pad at him. "If I were to leave right now and get to an FTL capable ship, then it wouldn't take me more than a day or so," Skoodge said as he looked up from the data pad.

"Good. We'll have your supplies ready, provided that half of our storage rooms survived Quinn's little joyride," Red said. " _I understand. Shall I retrieve the remains of my base down on Blorch, you know, so that I don't need to burden you with that equipment?_ " Skoodge asked them. "Don't bother. Just grab your SIR unit, if it's still intact, and get over here," Red said in response.

" _Um... my SIR unit was destroyed during the final days before Blorch was conquered, sirs,_ " Skoodge said sadly. "Well, you really won't need one for this mission, so don't worry about that," Red said. "Yeah, just get your fat ass over here!" Purple exclaimed before Red put a hand over his mouth. "Yeah, just get over here as soon as you can," Red insisted.

" _Yes, My Tallest! In-uh, Inspector Skoodge, signing off!_ " Skoodge said with a salute before the transmission ended. "Well, that solves that problem," Red said with a sigh. "Now to make sure that we can get out of here without Quinn finding out," he said.

* * *

**Lawndale, Pennsylvania, Earth...**

Quinn silently walked out of her last class for the day. She had a limp in her left leg from dealing with the brain parasite and Duty Mode GIR. _What was I thinking!? How could I have forgotten the library incident?_ Quinn frowned after grabbing her fake backpack from her locker, as she saw Stacey and Andrea.

"Hello, Quinn. Nice day, isn't it?" Stacey taunted her. "You... when I get the chance, you're dead meat. You killed the Tallest, and for that I will see to it that you are tortured like dirty rat that you are," Quinn snarled at her. "Just because their ship was destroyed doesn't mean they couldn't have evacuated beforehand," Stacey retorted.

"It's possible... they survived?" Quinn asked her, perplexed. "I don't know. I wasn't there during those last few minutes," Stacey lied. After Quinn had gone back to controlling The Massive, Stacey had managed to find a recording log of the incident, and it seemed that the power core of The Massive had been teleported into the Vort ship.

Quinn studied Stacey carefully. "Very well, your capture and dissection shall wait until I can confirm whether or not they perished, but if they _did_ perish, Stacey, I would suggest staying with a group and looking over your back for the rest of your existence," Quinn warned the girl. Stacey turned away and walked to the doors of the school with Andrea.

* * *

Quinn opened the front door of her home and closed it before plopping herself down on the couch. GIR was sucking on a Suck Monkey cup. "Hi!" he chirped happily. "Hi, GIR," Quinn said uneasily. Just two days ago, this robot had attempted to kill her by letting the brain parasite out of its tank. It was only through sheer luck that she had managed to return GIR to normal mode with the behavior modulator.

She gently touched the wig on top of her head. She hissed as she felt the pressure from her hand through the wig. "It still hurts," she said with a wince. She looked up and over at the closets where the robot parents were in standby mode. "I thought that I'd fixed them," Quinn muttered to herself as she slowly shook her head. It seemed that, lately, her mission had been going downhill.

While she had indeed gotten quite close to completing it with the Christmas plot, she had once again been foiled by Stacey and Daria Morgendorffer. Just where had they gotten that gigantic robot? Of course, Quinn realized that part of the blame lied with herself for rushing the development of the Yeshua costume. She shouldn't have tried to complete it in only one day's time.

"Can't I do anything right, other than all out annihilation of something?" Quinn asked herself as she leaned back against the couch seat. "Maybe I should just... start a business, buy multiple corporations, and then gain global power that way!" Quinn said to herself. "Yes, it's perfect, except... that would take too long. I want to conquer the Earth by the end of this coming _year_ , not twenty years from now! Argh!"

"Maybe I should just plant EMP bombs all over their power-producing facilities. That would probably work. Or... I could genetically modify squirrels to attack cars and airplanes, thereby disrupting the humans' main methods of transportation. Oh, what's the use!? The Tallest could both be dead, and it's my fault for trying to bring them here to Earth! If I had just unleashed the parasite and brought them here afterwards, then they might still be alive!" Quinn sobbed into her gloved hands.

GIR picked up the remote and turned on the TV. " _Are you plagued by grass stains?_ " "This is my favorite show!" GIR squealed in delight as he watched the commercial. Soon, however, the screen changed to something else, causing GIR to whine. "Aw! I wanted to see what would happen to the grass stains!"

" _What?_ " asked a familiar voice. Quinn stopped her sobbing and looked up at the TV screen. "My... _**MY TALLEST!**_ " Quinn exclaimed joyously. "You're alive! My Tallest, you're both alive!" Quinn practically squealed. "I-I thought you were dead!" she cried. " _Well... we almost were,_ " Tallest Red said with a frown.

" _Anyway-wait, what is that thing on your head?_ " Red asked her. "Oh, this is my wig. It's part of my disguise. Currently, I have a healing gel pack underneath it, to help me recover from the brain parasite," Quinn replied. " _I see. This brain parasite; um, what happened to it?_ " Red asked her. "I had to kill it. Everything went so wrong on Saturday," Quinn replied sadly. "I should have just unleashed it on the humans and _then_ brought you here to see it," Quinn lamented.

" _Or... you could have just_ _ **called us!**_ _Quinn, you killed a third of The Massive's crew, and that includes the guy who made most our sweets, including cookies and donuts! Do you have anything to say for yourself!?_ " Red asked her furiously. Quinn sat up in shock. "I-I... I'm sorry! I just wanted my Tallest to be proud of me! I just wanted to make you happy that I was completing my mission! You personally assigned it to me, and I didn't want to let you down!" Quinn replied.

" _Well, maybe you should try a less horrible plan in the future. For instance, try poisoning the humans' water supply or something. You know, something that_ _ **doesn't**_ _involve remote controlling our ship! The Massive is not your ship, Quinn! You might be taller than the majority of your fellow Irkens, but you are_ _ **NOT**_ _taller than us!_ " Red exploded.

Quinn saw Purple soon enter the bridge. There was a bandage on his head. Red turned and looked at him. " _Uh... what happened to you?_ " Red asked Purple. " _I fell down a maintenance shaft and hurt myself,_ " Purple replied. " _How?_ " Red asked him. Purple just shrugged his shoulders. " _Well, anyway, back to business,_ " Red said.

" _Quinn, listen very carefully. Lately, since so many invaders have been getting... not very far in their missions, we've decided to test out a new idea,_ " Red explained. "Uh-huh," Quinn said, nodding her head in understanding. " _We're going to send inspectors to various invader bases. They will check the equipment and planning methods of the invaders to see if there are any flaws so that we know who might need to be... reassigned, so to speak,_ " Red explained carefully.

"Okay. Go on," Quinn said. " _We'll be sending an inspector to Earth within the next few days, and he'll be reporting back to us every now and then on your progress,_ " Red said to her. "But, I can report my progress on my own!" Quinn retorted. " _Yes, well, think of it this way, Quinn. With the inspector telling us what's going on, that gives you more time to work on things,_ " Red said to her.

" _It also gives you a chance to ask someone for a second opinion. I mean, you can't just ask the natives if your newest plan to conquer them will work, right?_ " Red explained. "Yes, I understand, but... will they stay here in the base the whole time, or will they be accompanying me when I go out to put certain plans into action?" Quinn asked them. " _The inspector will do whatever is necessary to ensure that he can give us a detailed report on your progress,_ " Red said to her.

"I understand, My Tallest. Um... if I may ask, who else will be receiving an inspector? I mean, I know that Skoodge won't receive one, since he managed to conquer Blorch, and Larb managed to conquer Vort around the same time," Quinn asked. "Wait... Skoodge conquered Blorch in December, and Larb conquered... hey! Why is Skoodge listed as the first invader to conquer their assigned planet? The records have shown that Larb managed to take down Vort months before Skoodge conquered Blorch!" Quinn asked.

" _Um... Vort already had a large Irken presence on it,_ " Red replied. " _Yeah, Vort was pretty much already ours anyway. Larb just... made our ownership of it final. Skoodge, on the other hand, conquered Blorch on his own, with only his SIR unit and the equipment given to him, despite his shortcomings. So, his effort was worth much more recognition,_ " Purple explained. "Ah, I see," Quinn said as she rubbed her chin.

" _So, with that out of the way, Quinn, expect the inspector to arrive in a few days, and uh, don't ever take control of The Massive again, okay? We may not be so..._ _ **forgiving**_ _next time,_ " Red warned. Quinn gulped when she realized just how close she had come to truly angering her leaders with her actions. "Of course, My Tallest," Quinn replied fearfully.

" _Good. So, remember to behave yourself. Bye,_ " Red said before ending the call. Quinn sank back down into the seat of the couch. "They're alive," she whispered with joy. "I didn't kill them. And that means... I _don't_ get to hunt down Stacey and torture her to death. Damn!"

* * *

Date: Tuesday, January 17th, 2098

** The Massive, Orbiting Jupiter... **

The Tallest watched as Skoodge entered one of The Massive's lounges, where a small cafe had been built. "Ah, Inspector Skoodge," Red said with a smirk as he eyed the much shorter Irken. Skoodge stood still and saluted the Tallest as he approached their table. "Greetings, My Tallest," he said. "Greetings, Inspector," Purple said with a snicker.

"So, when shall I depart for Earth?" Skoodge asked them. "Oh? No desire to stay here and indulge in some snacks before you have to spend time around... Quinn?" Red asked him with a calculating smile and tone. "Well, if you are insistent, then I have no choice but to abide by your demands, My Tallest," Skoodge replied carefully.

"Good answer," Red said with a smile. "Now, I believe I already informed you of this; you won't need a SIR unit for this mission, and Quinn's SIR unit is basically defective, although it has moments of proper functionality. In fact, when it _is_ functioning properly, it has attempted to kill Quinn. That's something we are very interested in," Red explained as he dunked a donut into a cup of coffee. "Um, okay," Skoodge said, unsure of why this was relevant.

"Skoodge, we're not asking you to kill Quinn outright," Red said after taking a bite out of his donut. "But... well, if you have no choice, we won't hold it against you," he said with a smile on his face. "Uh-huh. Right, but... that's not necessarily the _purpose_ of my mission, is it?" Skoodge asked them curiously.

"No, but it _is_ optional," Purple replied. "Over a third of this ship's crew died, and the guy who made all of our cookies, donuts, cakes, and pies was among them," Red said with a hint of anger in his voice. "Yeah... that really sucks," Purple added. Skoodge merely nodded his head in understanding.

"Um, Sirs, aside from monitoring Quinn, is there anything else that I should do while I am on Earth?" Skoodge asked them. "Hmm... nothing else important comes to mind," Red said while scratching his chin. Purple scratched his head in thought. "Yeah... well, I guess you could perform some kind of snack scouting or something," Purple suggested.

"Snack... scouting?" Skoodge asked curiously. "Yeah... study the various foods and snacks on the planet and give us reports on them. Let us know if there's anything that might be worth our interest, you know? And, uh, send samples to us, I guess. Oh, one more thing... a couple of months ago, Quinn said something about the planet's water being dangerous to Irken skin," Purple replied.

"Water? But, that's found on the majority of the planets we conquer and live on. There was water on Blorch," Skoodge replied. "Yes, so... we're wondering if perhaps this is indicative of Quinn having extremely sensitive skin, or... well, we'd like you to investigate that for us," Red said. "Huh. Well, okay. Um, anything else that you wish for me to do?" Skoodge asked them.

"Well, I guess help yourself to a small number of snacks, and then get ready to go to Earth in a few hours. We'll send you the coordinates of Quinn's base after you've entered the transport we've provided for you," Red told him. "It's a standard Spittle Runner," Purple said. "Yes. Thank you, My Tallest," Skoodge replied. He walked over to the cafe register and purchased only a handful of donuts before sitting down and eating them, enjoying the view of the lounge.

* * *

"Okay, pre-flight sequence... check," Skoodge said out loud as he prepared to launch from inside The Massive's docking bay. He looked at the display showing the coordinates of Quinn's base on Earth. He soon lifted up and sped out of the bay with the Spittle Runner, heading for Earth.

He watched as The Massive became smaller on one of the gun cameras. He sighed as he leaned back in the seat of the cockpit. "So... this is how they're getting rid of me, isn't it?" he asked himself out loud. "Of course, send an unwanted short one like myself to a planet where Quinn is wreaking havoc. Don't send someone tall to take care of her, no, just send little ole' Skoodge, the only invader to conquer an entire planet on his own, with no help from the Armada or the rest of the Irken military," Skoodge grumbled.

He closed his eyes after setting the Spittle Runner on auto-pilot. "Study their snacks, sure. Investigate their water, right. Yeah, I'll do all of that," Skoodge said to himself. "Go ahead and hate me for being short and ugly, but know that I survived the monsters that inhabited Blorch. I can survive this too," Skoodge finished proudly.

He knew that the Tallest hated him, and he knew that he was basically being unofficially exiled with a fake mission, just like Quinn. Unlike Quinn, however, Skoodge was smart enough to recognize this. And, also unlike Quinn, he wouldn't waste his time trying to please the Tallest after his first few days on Earth, although he did plan to give them occasional status reports on Quinn's plans when they went south, just for fun.

"Although... if Quinn's SIR unit gets locked into Duty Mode, what will it do to _me?_ The Tallest said that it's tried to kill Quinn, but what would it do to someone competent like me?" Skoodge wondered. "I guess I'll just have to hope that it doesn't happen," Skoodge said with a shrug. "Eh, at least they didn't send me to Dirt or Foodcourtia," he said to himself with a shrug of his shoulders, realizing that his situation could have easily been much, much worse.

* * *

Wednesday, January 18th, 2098

Skoodge entered the Earth's atmosphere quickly,and then set his ship to stealth mode. Of course, when he homed in on Quinn's coordinates, he soon realized that the stealth mode maybe not have been necessary, as there was currently a large blizzard hitting that location, making normal visibility very difficult. Skoodge flew his Spittle Runner in towards the storm, staying above it as he looked out across the sky.

"Huh, this is actually a pretty neat sight," he said to himself before he descended into the storm, carefully making his way to Quinn's base. The snow made visibility poor, but with the advanced navigation systems of the Spittle Runner, Skoodge was able to maneuver his way around the neighborhood of Lawndale before sending out a signal to Quinn's base as he hovered in front of it, staying a little ways up in the air.

" _Hello!?_ " asked a small SIR unit with blue/green markings and eyes on his screen. "Um... are you Quinn's SIR unit?" Skoodge asked. " _Yeah! I'm GIR!_ " GIR replied with a smile and a wave. " _GIR, who are you talking to!?_ " Quinn shrieked from in her lab. "GIR, could I speak to Quinn? I'm... an inspector," Skoodge requested.

" _Mastah! We got's a health inspector! Hide the food!_ " GIR cried out as he ran away from the screen in a panic. " _What are you-wait, did you say 'inspector?' At last!_ " Quinn said as she rushed over to the main interface terminal. " _Hello, Inspector. I must apologize for GIR, as he-Skoodge!? I thought the Almighty Tallest killed you!_ " Quinn exclaimed in shock.

"Yeah, but I'm okay now," Skoodge replied dismissively, not caring to explain his survival story to Quinn at the moment. "Anyway," Skoodge continued, "I am requesting permission to land somewhere. Is there a location where I can do that without raising suspicion from the natives?" " _Uh, sure. Here, let me open the main elevator for the vehicle bay. You'll see a hole open up in the front lawn,_ " Quinn replied.

Skoodge saw a series of blinking lights appear in the lawn and flew the Spittle Runner over to them before bringing it down onto a pad. The elevator then descended deep into the base, and the hole closed up above him. Skoodge watched as the snow slowly became water as the heat from the base melted it. It then streaked down the cockpit windshield of the Spittle Runner.

Skoodge maneuvered the Spittle Runner off the pad and over to an empty space before setting it down and exiting the vehicle. Skoodge looked around the vehicle bay. There was... very little inside, aside from a hover scooter and what looked like a small portable maintenance pad for transporting damaged vehicles. There also appeared to be a spare voot cruiser and some kind of escape pod. The final thing that caught Skoodge's eyes, and what stood out the most, was a small red wagon. It looked to be made of wood, and it had four rubber tires on it, along with a long black metal handle.

Skoodge walked over to inspect it. "Why is something like _this_ in a base with much more advanced technology?" he asked out loud. "Oh, that?" Quinn asked as she descended from an elevator tube. "That was from that fundraiser I had to participate in last year. I thought that I'd gotten rid of it," Quinn said as she rubbed her chin in contemplation.

"Oh well, that's not important! What _is_ important is how I shall be evaluated, Inspector Skoodge!" Quin announced dramatically. "Uh, right," Skoodge said as he glanced around the rest of the empty vehicle bay. "So, I guess we should start with-" "How did you become an inspector?" Quinn interrupted him.

"Huh? Oh, um... the Tallest just... told me that I was," Skoodge replied. "Huh. Interesting," Quinn replied. "Now, um, to start the inspection," Skoodge said, "I think we should begin with a brief report of your mission so far. You know, starting from your arrival up to now. It doesn't have to be comprehensive; just the main points and most of your plans." "Hmm, very well. We should go up to the lab, where the computer has a recorded log of everything that I've done," Quinn said as she turned around and made her way back to the elevator tube.

Skoodge quickly followed her and stepped inside before they ascended. After reaching the desired floor and entering the hallway, Quinn ushered him into the main lab. "Computer! Prepare a list of all of my doings since our arrival on Earth," Quinn ordered. " **Yes, Quinn,** " The Computer said.

"Say, where's your SIR unit at?" Skoodge asked Quinn as he looked around the lab. "GIR? Oh, he's probably up in the kitchen making something to eat. "He... eats stuff? Is he an older model SIR unit?" Skoodge asked her. "Older model? What do you mean?" Quinn asked him.

"Well, certain older models had the capability to consume various materials and convert them into energy for their systems if something were to happen to their main battery cells," Skoodge explained. "I mean, most modern SIR units have a different power source, but a lot of the older ones used rechargeable batteries and experimental power cells," Skoodge continued. He'd conducted the research on this during his time on Blorch.

"Really? I've been wondering how he can eat food for a while now," Quinn said. Skoodge looked around some more, until he saw the tank holding Tommy Sherman. "Quinn, you have a native test subject?" Skoodge asked her as he looked up at the brain probe in Tommy Sherman's head. Tommy Sherman had a strange, and somewhat pained, smile on his face.

"Ah, yes. That's Tommy Sherman. I lured him here and subjugated him as a test subject early on," Quinn said with a smile. "Uh-huh. And, has anybody noticed that he's been missing?" Skoodge asked her. "No. I built a robot duplicate of him and then faked his death. No one has bothered searching for him since then," Quinn replied.

"Impressive," Skoodge said. "Yes. Yes, it is," Quinn said with a prideful smile. " **Quinn, I have finished compiling the list,** " The Computer announced. "Ah, splendid! Now, let us begin!" Quinn announced.

Over the course of the next two hours, Skoodge finally began to understand the horrifying madness that was Quinn. The girl had stolen organs, driven people insane with botched cosmetic surgery, used mind control to force her will on others, and worse. Quinn was a dangerous individual, and the Tallest were right to send her as far away from the Irken Armada as possible.

Nearly all of her plans had backfired in some way, causing destruction not only to herself, but also to those around her. Of course, there were a few things that had piqued his interest, such as this Daria person who had managed to defeat Quinn on a few occasions. Apparently, Quinn had already blown her cover, and yet she had not been attacked by local military forces or law enforcement. Skoodge found this to be quite peculiar.

"And then the Tallest called me and I found myself filled with joy! They weren't dead!" Quinn said. "Yes. That... would be bad, if they _had_ been killed," Skoodge said unconvincingly, although Quinn hadn't noticed. "Well, I suppose I shall make sure that all of this is logged in a safe place," Skoodge said. "Um, Quinn, can your computer provide me with a copy of this data, so that I can look at it later?" Skoodge asked her.

"But I just told you all about it right now," Quinn replied. "Yes, but... recovering from Blorch has left me with a few difficulties when it comes to remembering certain things," Skoodge lied. "Ah, very well then. Computer! Prepare a copy of this data so that the inspector may look at it later for his reports! That is what you'll be using it for, yes?" Quinn asked him.

"Of course," Skoodge replied. "Good," Quinn said. "Oh, Skoodge. The Tallest informed me that you may end up going outside of the base during your stay here. Do you have a proper disguise?" Quinn asked him. "Um, I do not," Skoodge replied.

"Well then, we shall have to give you one," Quinn said. "Follow me," she said as she led him to the room where the disguise generator was being housed. "Alright, let's see what will work best for you among the humans. While many of my disguise are quite brilliant and pure genius, a few of the humans are capable of seeing through them, like Stacey and her sister, Daria," Quinn said.

"Right. So, if they've seen through your disguise, why haven't they told anyone?" Skoodge asked. "Oh, they have, but no one believes them. Well, no one believes Stacey. Apparently she has a habit of accusing strange-looking people of being monsters, and so no one believed her when she was actually right," Quinn said with a chuckle.

"I see. What about the other girl?" Skoodge asked her. "Daria?" Quinn asked as she scrolled through a list of disguises for Skoodge. "Hmm, she's far less of an outcast when compared with her sister, but she still doesn't seem to be held in high regard by many of her peers either. Both sisters are outcasts in different ways," Quinn said.

"Let's see... oh, I almost forgot about two other humans who've managed to see through me. There's that girl who Daria always hangs out with, Jane. And then there's this other girl, Andrea," Quinn said. "Andrea? Is that the one you said you had to work with when you were trapped in that nightmare dimension?" Skoodge asked her.

"Yes. There's something about her, something strange. It's subtle, but when I was visiting the nightmare version of her home, there was Irken writing on one of the doors in the basement. And the nightmare version of her mother was... disturbing and familiar as well," Quinn said.

"How so?" Skoodge asked her. "Well, she had antennae, and her skin had a green tint, and she had four horrible legs protruding from her back, very much like our PAK legs," Quinn said as she thought back to that incident. "Huh. That is strange. But, this Andrea girl is a human, and so her genetic donors should also be humans, right?" Skoodge asked her. "Yes, and that is what puzzles me so much," Quinn replied.

"Ah, it was a nightmare world. Maybe someone was bound to look like that, since Stacey thinks of us as monsters, and the nightmare world _was_ inside her own head anyway," Quinn said. "Got it. So, what kind of disguise will I have?" Skoodge asked her.

"Hmm, come over here and look at the selection," Quinn said. Skoodge looked at the various disguises that Quinn had chosen. They were all very poor, and one of them was just a wig and contact lenses. "Um, Quinn? One of these is just a wig and contact lenses," Skoodge pointed out. "So? My standard disguise is a wig and contacts," Quinn said.

"Really? That's your standard disguise? How do these humans not realize that you aren't one of them?" Skoodge asked her in disbelief. "They are very, very stupid," Quinn replied. "I had no idea," Skoodge said. "Of course not! You have only just arrived, while I, THE AMAZING QUINN, have been here for several months!" Quinn proclaimed in response.

"Uh-huh," Skoodge said quickly. "Right, so... disguises. Let's see... ah, that one looks good enough... to fool the majority of the humans," Skoodge said carefully. "Well, if that's the one you want, then get in there," Quinn said as she shoved Skoodge between the two half-spheres before they clamped around him. " _Aah! It stings!_ " Skoodge cried from inside.

The halves then separated, showing Skoodge in his disguise. He was wearing a black-haired wig, contact lenses, a mustache, and fake glasses, as well as a vest and black pants over his boots. "Brilliant," Quinn said. "Um... where should I store this disguise when I'm not using it, Skoodge asked the taller Irken. "In your PAK, of course," Quinn replied. "Right. In my PAK," Skoodge said. "Isn't that where you stored your disguise on Blorch?" Quinn asked him.

"Um, Quinn? I didn't need a disguise on Blorch. The slaughtering rat people were a stone age civilization, and their noses were good enough that they would have sniffed me out the moment I tried to interact with them. I basically had to scout the terrain and hide in my base while using drones and my SIR unit," Skoodge replied.

"Speaking of SIR units, I need to tell you something about GIR," Quinn said. "Um, didn't you already tell me about what happens when he enters Duty Mode?" Skoodge asked, remembering how Quinn and The Computer relayed the story of GIR trying to kill her. "Oh, yeah, I did tell you about that, didn't I? Well, never mind then. Say, where's _your_ SIR unit?" Quinn asked him.

"Uh, it was destroyed a few days before the Armada arrived at Blorch. And, I don't need a SIR unit for my... inspector duties," Skoodge replied. "I see. Well, let's go upstairs and make sure that GIR is behaving himself," Quinn said as she led Skoodge up to the living room.

* * *

** The Massive, Preparing To Exit Jupiter's Orbit... **

Tallest Red and Purple smiled as the mobile refit and repair station disengaged from The Massive and prepared to jump back to Irk. "We're finally getting out of here," Red said gleefully. "Yeah. No more Quinn and no more Skoodge," Purple hummed in delight.

"Sirs, we're receiving a message from Earth," a communications officer said. "Aw, man! Oh well, put it on screen," Red said. " _Greetings, My Tallest. Inspector Skoodge, reporting in. I have successfully landed on Earth and have located Invader Quinn. I will have a series of reports ready for you soon,_ " Skoodge said.

"Uh-huh. Well, it's been nice talking to you, Skoodge. Anyway, we're heading back to Irk, so... keep on, you know, inspecting and stuff. Bye!" Red said as he ended the transmission. "Let's get out of here," he said, eager to get away from Earth and Quinn.

The Massive, along with the repair and supply vessels, soon engaged their FTL drives and entered hyperspace, leaving Sol behind.

* * *

Skoodge sighed and looked outside the window of the living room in Quinn's base. GIR was on the couch, watching TV again while eating... something, and Quinn was down in the labs working on some kind of experiment involving rabbits. "So, I guess I'd better get used to this," Skoodge said to himself quietly as he looked at the snow outside. "Welcome to Earth, Skoodge," he said to himself. "Welcome... to your new home."

* * *

Ending Theme: Date of Rebirth, by Origa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: While this episode may not seem to have very much happening, it does have a lot of importance for the plot. In previous chapters/episodes, the Tallest merely found Quinn to be an extreme annoyance. Here, after what she did with The Massive in the previous chapter, their simple dislike for her has grown into something much uglier, especially for Tallest Red. The next episode of Invader Quinn will focus on Stacey and Andrea as they track down an elusive being known as... Chickenfoot.


	9. The Sick, Sad Tale Of Chickenfoot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stacey becomes incensed after viewing an episode of Mysterious Mysteries that potentially jeopardizes the field of paranormal studies. Meanwhile, Quinn orders Skoodge to take GIR to the mall in order to shop for ingredients for her latest plan.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 021/2-009: The Sick, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot

* * *

Date: Friday, January 20th, 2098

Stacey Morgendorffer finished the last math equation on her homework paper before turning on the TV in the living room. She checked her watch. "Just in time," she said to herself with a smile as the Mysterious Mysteries theme began playing.

Thirty minutes later, the door bell rang. Stacey huffed as she got up and walked over to the door. "Hello?" she asked as she opened the door, revealing Andrea, who was holding a box in her hands. "Andrea? Come on inside," Stacey said.

Mimi rushed inside the house ahead of her charge and scoured the living room for any potential threats. "So, what's in the box?" Stacey asked Andrea as she closed the door and joined her in the living room. "I was able to convince my parents to hand me the robot so you could check it out," Andrea replied as she set the box down on the coffee table.

" _In the end, even Mysterious Mysteries doesn't know who or what is haunting this fork,_ " the host said. Andrea looked up at the TV as footage of a fork being held in mid-air by a thin string was shown. " _Maybe it's_ _ **this guy!**_ " the host said as an image of a crazed coal miner appeared on the screen. "Hmm, maybe it _is_ that guy," Stacey said thoughtfully.

" _The truth... is a mystery._ " "Stacey, that fork has a thin string tied around it. Someone's holding it just out of frame," Andrea said. Stacey looked at Andrea with an expression of genuine shock, as if her whole world had been turned upside down by the girl's observation.

" _On our next case this episode, we look at the mysterious... Chickenfoot. A strange beast who was last sighted in Lawndale, Pennsylvania,_ " the host said as footage of a feathery being was shown scrounging around a dumpster behind someone's house. "Hey, that looks like a guy in a Mr. Chicky Licky costume," Stacey said. The footage continued as someone opened a door and screamed before Chickenfoot turned around and grabbed the mesh fence in front of the camera, showing a man's head inside the open beak.

"Hey, that _is_ a guy in a Mr. Chicky Licky suit!" Stacey cried. "It has to be something blatantly obvious, doesn't it?" Andrea asked rhetorically. "Huh?" Stacey asked her. "Nothing," Andrea muttered. " _We asked a legitimate paranormal investigator what he had to say about Chickenfoot,_ " the host said as the footage switched to a man in a black suit, named Bill, who was holding a bucket of fried chicken in his arms.

Bill took a bite out of a chicken leg before talking. " _Chickenfoot is not a real chicken; he is a space chicken, who comes from a planet where pig demons rule,_ " Bill said before taking another bite out of his chicken leg. Stacey put the TV on mute. "Mysterious Mysteries is clearly getting desperate for ratings. Why haven't they used any of the stuff that I've sent them!?" Stacey cried out.

"What all have you sent them?" Andrea asked her. "Tons of stuff! I've sent them tons of stuff over the years, not just from after I moved here to Lawndale," Stacey said. "I've sent them footage of Bigfoot, lake monsters, mutant bees, Quinn... so much stuff that they could use, and they resort to freaking _CHICKENFOOT!?_ "

"Calm down, Stace," Andrea said. "No! This Chickenfoot story is undermining everything that serious paranormal studies stand for! That _I_ stand for!" Stacey declared as she stood up dramatically and glared at the TV. "Andrea, Chickenfoot was last seen here in Lawndale, and the date on that footage said it was from a few days ago, just before the blizzard hit us," Stacey said.

"Well, I guess, but-wait... you aren't seriously thinking about going out there and looking for this guy, are you?" Andrea asked her as she looked out at the dark winter sky. "Um... okay, maybe not tonight, but _definitely tomorrow!_ " Stacey said.

"Sooo... wanna check out the robot?" Andrea asked her. "Robot? Oh, right! The robot," Stacey replied as she looked at the box on the coffee table. She lifted the lid off of the box and looked at the garbage bag inside. Carefully loosening the straps of the bag, she opened it up. Mimi jumped onto the ridge of the couch and watched.

Reaching inside, Stacey grabbed something metal and held it up. It was the head of the SIR unit. It looked similar to Mimi in some respects, although it had a mouth system similar to GIR's. Mimi narrowed her eyes at the decapitated head of the SIR unit. "I wonder what its name was?" Stacey asked. "KIR," said a faintly female yet electronic voice. Andrea and Stacey both turned around to look at Mimi. "His name was KIR," Mimi said.

"He was Zim's custom-built SIR unit. Defective, just like his master, but dangerous and destructive all the same," Mimi explained. "Defective?" Stacey asked the robot. "Yes. Zim was what is known in Irken society as a Defect. His PAK was wholly defective, and when its data was being transferred back to the PAK recycling facilities on Irk, all PAKs that had contact with that data probably had to be destroyed. I was not there, so I do not know for certain," Mimi explained as she swished her holographic tail back and forth.

"Mimi... can you help us access his memory and stuff?" Stacey asked. "That could potentially require reactivating him. I do not wish to risk Andrea's life in such a manner, even if KIR _is_ in pieces. Zim built him, after all," Mimi replied. "Hmm, I guess we should wait until after we expose Chickenfoot to work on KIR then," Stacey said. Andrea nodded her head in agreement.

Mimi, meanwhile, stared uneasily at the remains of the psychotic and unstable SIR unit that she had fought so long ago. Even without Zim around to control the robot, it could still attempt to carry out its last set of orders after being reactivated. Soon, the front door opened and everyone looked to see Helen Morgendorffer entering the house, brushing off snow from her suit.

"Hi, Stacey. Hello, Andrea. How nice to see... is that a cat?"

* * *

Date: Saturday, January 21st, 2098

Skoodge looked at the list handed to him by Quinn. "I need these items procured today, and the one place that is guaranteed to have all of them is the Lawndale Mall. It's also known as Cranberry Commons. GIR will guide you there and help you shop for these. Make sure that he doesn't eat any of the animals in the pet shop. I'm still not allowed back in there after that last incident. Anyway, I will be busy working on the next phase of my rabbit experiment," Quinn said as she walked away and stepped into the toilet in the kitchen, descending into the base.

"Huh... I guess I'd better put on my disguise," Skoodge said as he reached into his PAK and grabbed his contact lenses, mustache, fake glasses, and wig. He walked over to the coat rack next to the couch and grabbed the jacket that came with his outfit. He reached down and grabbed a leash to put on GIR, who was already in his dog disguise.

"Let's go, GIR. We've got some... shopping to do. Wait, how will I pay for these?" Skoodge asked himself. GIR reached into a pouch in the side of his dog costume and pulled out some money. "I teach ya how ta' use this on the way!" GIR exclaimed happily. "Um, sure. Sounds reasonable," Skoodge said uneasily.

After leaving the house in the early hours of the morning, Skoodge soon discovered that the leash was for show more than anything else, as GIR stayed well within easy grabbing distance as they walked through Lawndale. Every now and then, GIR would stop and look around, as if searching for something. Skoodge found this curious, but soon, he heard a noise as they neared an apartment complex.

Skoodge stopped walking and looked around. Seeing nothing of note, he shrugged his shoulders and resumed walking forward until he noticed that GIR had stopped moving. "GIR?" he asked the robot. GIR turned around and held a hand up to his mouth, shushing him.

Skoodge soon crept up quietly to where GIR was standing, and as he was about to step forward again, a large, feathery creature stepped into view, waving its wings around crazily. Skoodge screamed in terror until the beast turned around and he saw the face inside the costume. "Aaaaaaaaaaaahh-oh, you're just a guy in a costume. I'm sorry about-" "Don't look at meeeeeeee!" the man screamed as he ran away.

"Okay, I won't," Skoodge said flatly as he shook his head and resumed walking along the sidewalk with GIR.

* * *

**The Membrane Household...**

Andrea washed her hands before leaving the bathroom. She was halfway down the stairs when she heard the door bell ring. Mimi immediately dashed over to the door and took a defensive position. With or without her cat hologram, Mimi was fast. Looking through the window in the door, Andrea saw Stacey standing out front.

"What is she doing here today?" Andrea asked herself. "Wait... aw, I thought she would have forgotten about that stupid chicken feet thing," Andrea said. "Foot. Chicken _foot_ ," Mimi corrected her. Andrea blinked at the robot in surprise before unlocking the door and letting Stacey inside.

"So, what brings you over here today?" Andrea asked Stacey as she sat down on the couch and lied back. "Andrea. Today, you and I are going chicken hunting," Stacey said. "You can just as easily buy chickens at the supermarket. I hear they come pre-killed and cleaned, too," Andrea snarked. "Did you switch bodies with my sister?" Stacey asked her.

"No, but I do have my mother's personality, which can be very similar to Daria's at times, although she's far more open about her feelings and in control of her emotions. My mother, I mean," Andrea said. She'd observed Daria a few times when she was sarcastic around Brittany and Kevin, and had found the interactions similar to her mother talking with anyone who annoyed her.

"So, aside from that, I have KIR hidden away in my room, and Daria is working on some kind of poetry assignment from Mr. O'Neill. I almost feel sorry for her. _I_ , however, have already completed my reading assignment from him for the weekend, so I don't have to worry about it right now," Stacey said smugly.

"Good for you," Andrea said. She too had been given a poetry assignment from Mr. O'Neill, as had everyone in his Sophomore class. "Well, if you've gotten yourself ready, we should head out and start investigating Chickenfoot," Stacey said. Andrea raised an eyebrow.

"Do we have to? Can't we just stay inside and watch TV like normal people?" Andrea asked her. "Andrea, there's nothing normal about any of us... except maybe Jane," Stacey said. "Fine, I'll go get my jacket and boots," Andrea said as she got up from the couch and made her way upstairs.

* * *

"So, the first stop in our investigation is a Chicky Licky restaurant?" Andrea asked Stacey as the stood outside the same restaurant where Dib had learned about Tak's true identity decades prior. "No, I'm just hungry. Of course this is our first stop," Stacey replied with some sarcasm. Mimi walked around both girls, carefully scouting around for danger.

As Stacey and Andrea made their way inside, with Mimi dashing ahead of them, unnoticed by everyone else, the two girls approached the front counter. A man with a beard was arguing with one of the employees. He had a tray full of food, including chicken, coleslaw, and mashed potatoes. "I want my slaw!" "You _have_ your slaw, sir!" "I _want_ my _slaw!_ " "YOU HAVE YOUR SLAW SIR!" " _ **I WANT MY SLAW!**_ "

They approached the other window where a young woman, most likely a college student, rested her head in her hands. "What kind of chicken you want, Miiiiiiiiissss?" she asked with a drawl. "Um actually, we're here for information about Chickenfoot," Stacey said, causing the entire restaurant to go silent, except for the woman who had just exited the ladies' restroom while humming to herself.

"Don't say that name around here!" the woman, whose name-tag read "Maria" said. "He is the _demon BEAST!_ " "Okay," Andrea commented dryly. "We've lost three chicken cookers since he came 'round here!" Maria said. Stacey and Andrea's eyes widened. "Chickenfoot... ate them?" Stacey asked.

Maria sighed. "No, they all got better jobs. But I still hate that chicken beast! Get out! Get out, now! Before you get a better job tooooo!" Maria cried hysterically. The other employee, an older man named Bob, came over and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Maria, get a hold of yourself! Don't make a scene!" Maria then quietly began sobbing.

"Oh, just go to the break room where Eric is. Spend the next thirty minutes banging away your sadness. You guys do it anyway in the back lot," Bob said. Maria nodded her head and walked back to the break room, taking off her apron as she did. Bob turned back to look at Stacey and Andrea.

He smiled at them. "Young ladies, perhaps you would like a Mr. Chicky meal?" he asked them as he slid a drawer forward, filled with bags of chicken and a Dirty Chicken toy. "Don't try to distract us," Stacey said firmly. "No, no! The Dirty Chicken toy! Its head comes off and can be used as a little grappling hook," Bob said creepily.

"That's... a weird thing for a chicken to do," Andrea commented. "Talk to the marketing department," Bob said with a shrug of his shoulders before he ushered them to follow him through and employee entrance. The girls followed him into a cold storage room filled with chickens and chicken products, as well as a giant set of shark jaws.

Andrea looked at the jaws and scratched her head. She looked at Stacey and Stacey just shrugged her shoulders at the sight. It wasn't the strangest thing she'd ever seen. She had lived in Highland, Texas. Bob shut the door after the girls had entered the room, not noticing the little black cat that had slipped in with them.

"Okay, what's the story behind Chickenfoot?" Stacey asked him. "Ask... the Dirty Chicken!" Bob said as he held up a toy of his own and squeezed it to produce a series of squeaks. "Um, what is... the story of Chickenfoot... Dirty Chicken?" Stacey asked reluctantly. Bob held the toy up to the side of his face as he made more squeaks with it. "Uh-huh. Yes. Indeed," Bob said after a series of squeaks. "That's annoying," Andrea commented.

Bob then held his hand in the air dramatically. "Chickenfoot is a mass of chickeny _eeevil!_ " he said as the lights began to flicker. "He has come back to avenge the souls of all his chicken brothers! OoooOOooOOooohhh!" Bob exclaimed as he waved his Dirty Chicken toy around in the air.

"Oh, come on!" Stacey exclaimed. "Chickenfoot is a guy a costume! Don't you have any facts!? I want facts!" Bob quickly hid himself behind a barrel. "Don't hurt me," he asked pleadingly. "Look, can't you tell us something useful?" Andrea asked him as she set up a ladder and began cleaning the light bulb.

"I've heard that Chickenfoot lives in... an apartment building on Third Street," Bob said as he stood up from behind the barrel. "The mass of chickeny evil has an apartment?" Stacey asked as Andrea stepped down from the ladder and opened the door. Bob grabbed a chicken and began making weird noises with it as the two girls and their robot made their way out of the restaurant.

* * *

Skoodge looked at the shelf in front of him as he grabbed the next item on Quinn's list. "I don't get it," he said to himself as he went to the register and paid for the item. "Why exactly does she need any of these items for her experiments?"

As Skoodge made his way up an escalator to the second floor, he saw the food court. "Do I dare?" he asked himself. He did have the option of sampling various foods and snacks for his reports, and since he was here, why let the opportunity go to waste?

"GIR? I need you to wait for me at a table or something," Skoodge said. GIR nodded his head before taking a magazine out of one of his shopping bags and opening it. Skoodge quickly made his way over to the food court.

Thirty minutes later, he returned to GIR's side. GIR looked up from his fifth magazine and wagged his tail. "GIR, I have concluded that pizza is safe so long as it is consumed in small portions, and ice cream is amazing. I have also concluded that this... 'Chinese food' is exceptionally delectable. And the bottled water is of no threat to Irken skin. I don't know why Quinn says that it's so dangerous," Skoodge said. "Although... I wonder if there is some kind of difference between the water found in bottles, and the water found in streams and lakes," Skoodge said to himself.

* * *

Stacey and Andrea looked up at the apartment building. "This place is a demilitarized zone. It should be condemned," Andrea said flatly. "Mmhm," Stacey mumbled in agreement as she looked up at the name of the apartment complex. It was called Sweaty Pits. "Well, there's no point in delaying," Stacey said as she dragged Andrea inside with her. Mimi dashed forward ahead of them and looked around.

"Uh, hey! No pets allowed," some scrawny guy said as he walked past them. "We don't live here," Andrea muttered. Mimi turned to glare at the human as he exited the building. Stacey walked up to a name and door listing sheet near the stairs. "Let's see... Hummel, Dupree, Rodriguez, Smacky, Trueheart, Connif... no Chickenfoot!" Stacey exclaimed.

"That old man lied to us!" "Um, Stace, if Chickenfoot is a guy in a costume, I don't think that he would live here under the name Chickenfoot. He probably has a real name that's listed here somewhere," Andrea said. "Oh, I didn't think of that," Stacey said sheepishly. Andrea rolled her eyes.

Just then, the main door opened and someone wearing a large coat made his way past the girls. They both heard a muffled gobbling sound, like a bird. Then they saw the feathers falling from his jacket. "Hey, wait!" Stacey cried out as she chased after the man. "Stacey, slow down!" Andrea called out as she followed her friend. Mimi dashed after both girls, practically galloping as she ran past Andrea.

 _Mimi?_ Andrea kept running as she felt herself begin to sweat from both the exercise she was getting and the heat of her jacket. "Chickenfoot!" she heard Stacey call out as the man in the coat rounded a corner before running up a flight of stairs. Stacey nearly tripped as she turned to face the stairs before grabbing the railing and pulling herself up, with Andrea and Mimi close behind.

The man in the coat ran through a hallway and turned a corner, eventually opening a door and running into a room. Stacey kicked the door open hard. "Give up, Chicken-oof!" she cried as the door slammed back into her face, sending her falling to the ground. "Ow," she muttered as she stood back up and held her nose.

She walked forward and held the door open as Andrea and Mimi caught up to her. "G-Give up... Chicken-Chickenfoot," Stacey said, still reeling from the door. The man in the coat turned around and studied the girls carefully. "Chicken...foot?" he asked them in a thick accent, either Scottish or Irish. "Sorry, but I'm Turkeyneck!" the man said as he opened his jacket to reveal his disgusting flabs of neck meat.

All three females found themselves repulsed, including Mimi. "Chickenfoot's two doors down!" "But why did you run away from us?" Stacey asked him. "I thought you kids were after me lucky neck meats," Turkeyneck said. Andrea could see red hair from under his cap.

"You see these ugly neck meats o' mine?" Turkeyneck asked them. The girls nodded queasily in response. "They're _lucky,_ " he said before gobbling and bobbing his head. Andrea and Stacey, both with very disturbed looks on their faces, slowly backed away from the disgusting man. Mimi closed the door after the girls had exited the room, and the trio slowly made their way through the hall.

"Okay, let's go to Chickenfoot's apartment and try to forget about that horrible disgusting man," Andrea said. Mimi walked diligently ahead of the girls, stopping at the door. Stacey and Andrea gently turned the handle, finding it to be unlocked. Stacey slowly pushed the door open and looked around the dark, unlit entryway of the apartment. The trio slowly made their way inside, stopping to look at the open bathroom, which looked unused for some reason.

"What's that stench?" Andrea asked as she held her nose. "It's bad, but not as bad as being in the sewers of Highland during the hottest days of July," Stacey whispered as she slowly stepped forward, eventually walking over to a large room with what appeared to be a couch or large chair with a makeshift chicken coop built over it. There was straw and hay all over it, and Chicky Licky toys littered the room and sat on the window sill.

"Chickenfoot?" Stacey asked as she looked at the large, feathered form that was hunched over on the bed. The thing turned around, and both girls saw that unshaven face of the man in the suit. He had bag under his eyes, and a crazed look in them. His teeth were yellow, and he had a few nose hairs that stuck out.

"Go away!" he cried. "Don't look at me!" "Chickenfoot, we just wanna talk," Stacey said calmly. Chickenfoot turned away and covered himself with a large, feathered wing. "Don't look at my face! My horrible face!" he cried. "What... _happened_ to you?" Stacey asked him with a hint of concern. "It's a sad, sad, revolting tale," Chickenfoot began.

Chickenfoot began remembering his days when he worked at a Chicky Licky restaurant. "I was once a man... just like you," he said. Andrea raised an eyebrow. _We're both girls, doofus_ , she thought with scorn. "I worked in a chicken restaurant, just like you," Chickenfoot said. "But, we don't work in a chicken rest-" " _ **DON'T LOOK AT ME!**_ " Chickenfoot cried out, interrupting Stacey.

"We weren't-never mind," Stacey said. "Keep going," she implored. "My name... is, no, _was_ Chewy Rodriguez," Chickenfoot said. He remembered his happy days, when he would read a newspaper while wearing his chicken costume. "I lived." He remembered laughing and smiling with his co-workers while wearing his chicken costume. "I laughed." He remembered holding a dog and smiling... while wearing his chicken costume. "I _loved!_ "

Tears began to stream down his face. "But then, one fateful day, my destiny collided with a defective microwave oven... of DOOM!" he said in a foreboding tone. He remembered it clearly. One of the chicken cooks had gone outside to take a smoke break, and Maria and Bob were in the kitchen. Bob was trying to eat some wet, soggy potato strips that had been in dishwater, and Maria was yelling at him to stop, going so far as to take the wet tray and bucket of bad food in her hands to keep it away from Bob.

" _These potatoes are_ _ **best**_ _potatoes_ _ **EVER!**_ " he could remember Bob exclaiming as he violated several food safety laws. " _Stop! Those potatoes are nasty and bad!_ " he could remember Maria crying out. " _These potatoes are the best potatoes_ _ **in the world!**_ " he remembered Bob retorting. Maria pulled the tray back further, but Bob fought back and grabbed the bucket, and the two of them began a tug of war with the nasty bucket of food and water.

Meanwhile, Chewy had placed a cold chicken in the microwave on high for three minutes. He stood in front of the microwave as he listened to his co-workers arguing over the potatoes, and he did not notice that their tug-of-war was getting out of control. Soon, the bucket of water splashed into the air, and landed on the microwave. Sparks began to shoot out of the back of the machine, and then there was an explosion.

"I survived, but the accident had caused an unholy fusion of man and chicken!" Chickenfoot said. He remembered walking out of the restaurant and looking at his reflection in the window of a car. His reflection looked no different than it usually did, but it was enough. "I must now survive on the fringes of society! Neither man nor chicken! S-Something in between! A-A chickeny man!" Chickenfoot exclaimed.

Andrea shook her head at the man's idiocy, as did Mimi, while Stacey stepped forward. "The explosion probably just caused the zipper to get stuck," she said. "I can pull it loose." Stacey went over to Chickenfoot. He saw her and turned around, backing up. "You speak MADNESS GIRL!" he exclaimed. "Every day that goes by, I become more grotesque!"

"That's because you don't _bathe!_ " Andrea said in disgust. Mimi nodded her head in agreement. "I can't even leave the apartment anymore! The chicken meal toys are my only friends now," he said in a slightly deranged fashion as he grabbed the toys on the window sill and brought them to his chest. "My only regret is that I never got a hold of the Dirty Chicken toy," he said.

"Wait," Stacey said as she brought out that very toy from her pocket. Chickenfoot looked over at it when she made it squeak. "G-Give it! Give it to meeee!" Chickenfoot cried as he charged at Stacey and Andrea. Mimi dashed forward and tripped him. "P-Please!" Chickenfoot cried. "Only if you agree to come to the hospital with us," Stacey said as she held the toy up in the air.

Chickenfoot hung his head in defeat. "Very well, girl. I shall go to this place," he said in a tired and defeated tone. "Good. And then you can get a freakin' bath!" Andrea muttered, still holding her nose.

* * *

"GIR?" Skoodge called out as he walked through the large, cavernous parking lot of the mall. "I hope he didn't actually ditch me," Skoodge muttered. He heard something behind him as he saw a car drive by. Then, there was a squeaking sound, very much like GIR's costume produced. "GIR?" Skoodge asked. Another car drove forward and someone chucked a can out on to the ground. GIR soon walked forward with shopping bags in his hands.

"Oh, where were you?" Skoodge asked him. "Ah made some friends!" GIR exclaimed happily, before several shadows appeared behind him and several disturbingly familiar forms came into sight. "Rat people!" Skoodge exclaimed in terror. "Earth has its own variation of RAT PEOPLE!"

One of them knelt down and grabbed the soda can, nibbling on it. "GIR, we need to get out of here!" Skoodge exclaimed fearfully. "There's no way out of here!" one of them said with a hoarse voice. "There is no way out of here. It will be dark soon. There is no way out of here," one of them said in a strange tone. He had a beard, a cane, and was wearing a big hat. "This can't be happening!" Skoodge exclaimed in terror, until he realized that none of them were trying to attack him. In fact, they were all rather nonthreatening, now he got a better look at them.

"We've been stuck here for eternity!" one of them said. "I was once... a maaannnn!" a female said as she clasped her head in her hands. "But... you're female. Don't you mean you were once a woman?" Skoodge asked. "It makes no difference!" one of them snapped.

"Yes! Soon, you'll be just like us!" he exclaimed. "Um... I don't think so," Skoodge said as he frowned at the hopeless rat people. He turned to his left and saw an exit elevator. "In fact, I think I see an exit right over there. Come on, GIR," Skoodge said. GIR quickly followed him as they walked over to the elevator.

* * *

**Lawndale Medical Center...**

Chickenfoot sat on the edge of an examination table as the doctor walked in and looked at the pictures of c-scans. "Hmm, nothing too unusual," she said. Andrea stood by with Mimi, while Stacey was out in the hallway on the phone. "Right away," Stacey said. "Tell them I've got the _real_ Chickenfoot story," she said with a smirk.

Stacey soon reappeared in the room with Andrea. A hovering screen was next to the doctor that showed Chewy's skeleton inside the costume. "Okay," the doctor said. "Let's go over it again." She used a pointing stick to point to the image. " _This_ is you, inside the costume. This is the chicken head, and this is your head looking out the hole in the mask. Okay?"

"You see, Chewy?" Stacey asked him as he hugged the Dirty Chicken toy to his body. "It's just a costume. Let us take it off before you make a total mockery of paranormal studies," Stacey continued. Chickenfoot backed away fro her in fear. "No! It's not true! It's IMPOSSIBLE!" he cried out in denial.

The doctor walked over as he turned over and reached for the zipper. "Well, we can just, unzip the back," she said as she grabbed the zipper and began to unzip the costume. Chewy's eyes shot open. "No! You TAUNT ME!" he screamed as he knocked the doctor over and ran out of the room, accidentally dropping his Dirty Chicken toy.

"I'm a freak! I'll always be a freak!" he cried. Stacey grabbed the Dirty Chicken toy and ran after him. Andrea and Mimi stayed behind. "I'm not chasing after someone who smells that bad," Andrea said as she closed her eyes.

Chickenfoot ran through the hallways of the hospital, screaming. "Aaaiieeeee!" he screamed in a deranged and terrified tone. He saw a nurse wheeling a patient through a corridor and knocked them out of his way. Stacey soon ran past them as well. "Sorry!" she called out as she leapt over the fallen patient.

"Chickenfoot, come back! You're not a freak! You're just _STUPID!_ " Stacey cried out as she ran after the smelly idiot in the chicken costume. Chickenfoot screamed some more as he scared several people around him. Stacey tried desperately to keep up with the moron.

Chickenfoot pushed open a set of doors and Stacey followed. She remembered what the creepy man at the restaurant had said about the Dirty Chicken toy. Grabbing the head and pulling it off the body as far as the cord would allow, Stacey began spinning it around before launching it forward, letting the beak hook onto the zipper of the suit.

Chickenfoot soon neared the doors to the lobby as the toy flew out of Stacey's hands and got caught between the doors. A news crew was in the lobby as Chickenfoot struggled with the costume, finally coming out as the zipper was pulled down. "Rrreeeaaaaaaaaaaahh!" Chewy cried as he finally was free from the costume.

"Chickenfoot ROCKS!" one news reporter exclaimed as Stacey opened the doors and entered the room. Chewy fell down and kneeled on all fours, before lifting his head up and crying at the ceiling. "The curse is lifted!" he cried out happily. "There was no curse! It was _just_ a costume!" Stacey cried angrily. "You mean... Chickenfoot... was a fraud all along!?" one news reporter asked.

"I bet this means Bigfoot is a fraud too!" he exclaimed. "And UFO's," another added. "And hobos!" said a third. "No, those a real, except the hobos, I think. No, hobos are real, I guess. But... what is _wrong_ with you people!?" Stacey cried out.

* * *

** Quinn's Base... **

Skoodge opened the front door of the house and stepped inside, letting GIR go ahead of him before he closed the door and sat down on the couch. "What a day," he said. It was then that he noticed a rabbit by the TV. And another one by the desk, and another by the coat rack, and more around the kitchen. "Uh... Quinn?" he called out.

The elevator soon rose, showing an angry Quinn with rabbits falling off of her. "Not one word, Skoodge. Not one word," Quinn said angrily. "I got the stuff you needed," Skoodge said. "But, why did you need any of it?" Skoodge asked her. "I _don't_ need it. I just wanted you to keep GIR busy so that I could work in peace without him destroying anything," Quinn replied as she grabbed a rabbit by the neck and threw it at the floor.

"Now, I need some help gathering the vermin into a large enough container. The next phase of my plan cannot begin until I have captured all of them," Quinn said. "Um... right," Skoodge said. "So, where should put these-" "Now, Skoodge!" Quinn shouted. "Right away, Sir!" Skoodge replied as he jumped off of the couch.

* * *

**Morgendorffer House, Later That Night...**

Stacey sat in her room, talking to several other members of the Swollen Eyeball Network through her hover-screens. "And, while things didn't turn out the way that I'd hoped, I was still able show the world the truth about _something,_ " Stacey concluded. " _Hmm, very interesting,_ " Agent Mothman said. Stacey couldn't be sure, but there was something vaguely familiar about his distorted voice.

" _Yes. Now, is there anything else that you wish to tell us? Perhaps information that you have retrieved with the help of that alien ship you told us about?_ " Agent Tuna Ghost asked her. " _Yes, and what about that resistance group you told us about during our last meeting?_ " Agent Nessie asked.

"Well, I haven't heard back from the Vortians yet, and I don't even know if they survived the destruction of their ship. They could have all died, unfortunately," Stacey said. " _I see. Well, continue your efforts to contact them, albeit discretely, of course. No need to draw attention from the Irken Armada,_ " Agent Cyber-Hawk said. "Of course. Oh, and one more thing. Last night, one of my friends brought me something very interesting. It's a robot... a damaged SIR unit. She told me that her parents had it and had decided to give it to her, so she gave it to me to look at, since I'm into that sort of thing," Stacey said.

" _Indeed. Well, make sure to let us know what you can while studying the remains of this... robot that your friend gave to you,_ " Agent Mothman said. "Of course, Agent Mothman. Is this meeting adjourned then?" Stacey asked them. " _Yes, Agent Coyote Pup. The meeting is adjourned,_ " Agent Mothman said. The screens flickered off before hovering over to their holders and powering down.

Stacey walked over to her window and looked up at the night sky. Somewhere out there was a group of people who might be willing to help her defend her planet. "I'll find a way to contact you," she whispered to herself. "After I play around with my new robot," she added with a smile.

* * *

Ending Theme: Date of Rebirth, by Origa.


	10. Shar's Counterattack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Shar, having been sent to a mental institute following her first encounter with Quinn, has escaped and is now seeking revenge.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 022/2-010: Shar's Counterattack 

* * *

Date: Wednesday, January 25th, 2098 

**Lawndale Mental Health Institute...**

Doctor Paraya walked swiftly through the corridors of the south wing of the building. "She's been very quiet lately," Dr. Grandstaff said. "Has she now?" Dr. Paraya asked in response as she looked at the data on her pad. "Yes, almost unusually so," Dr. Grandstaff replied.

"How long?" Dr. Paraya asked her. "For the past week," Dr. Grandstaff answered as Dr. Paraya used her access card to open the door to the section containing Dr. Shar's room. "Dr. Shar?" Dr. Paraya asked as she made her way over to the door of Dr. Shar's room. There was no response from inside the room.

Flicking the light switch on the outside of the room, Dr. Paraya illuminated Dr. Shar's residence. She looked inside for any sign of the woman. "Doctor Grandstaff, go retrieve a security guard, but be discrete. I'll wait for you to get back," Dr. Paraya said. Dr. Grandstaff briskly walked away.

Ten minutes later, she returned with two security guards. Dr. Paraya stood to the side of the door as she entered a PIN, followed by her access card. The door opened, and she stood behind it. After a minute of nothing happening, everyone stepped forward to glance inside the room. Dr. Paraya's eyes widened as she saw the dead orderly on the floor. "She's escaped!"

* * *

Date: Thursday, January 26th, 2098 

**Quinn's Base...**

Skoodge looked at the water samples under the microscope, as well as the images on the lab monitors. "That's very peculiar," he said to himself as he looked back and forth between them. "The bottled water is pure, but the water found in natural sources appears to be contaminated by pollutants. This must be why Quinn shies away from rain and other sources of water," Skoodge concluded.

"Computer, have any other tests on water been conducted prior to those of today?" Skoodge asked The Computer. " **Negative, Inspector Skoodge. Invader Quinn has performed no such tests or studies on water, except to determine how to avoid it,** " The Computer replied. "I see. Thank you, Computer. Oh, Computer, could you perhaps run some tests on at least five different types of bottled water and water found from rain, streams, rivers, and lakes? I want to see which Earth water is the safest and which is the most dangerous to Irken biology," Skoodge requested.

" **Affirmative, Inspector Skoodge,** " The Computer replied. "Thank you, Computer. This will make for a very interesting report once I send it to the Tallest... who probably won't even look at it," Skoodge said with a sigh. "Oh well, back to studying the ingredients of Red Velvet cookies," Skoodge said as he got up and made his way to another lab.

* * *

**Lawndale High School...**

" _Which triggers the explosion._ " Quinn found herself becoming very bored. She was currently sitting in Mr. Deckard's class, watching a video on chemical reactions, punctuated with footage and pictures related to it. Mr. Deckard paused the video. "So, tragic dog accidents aside, what have we learned so far from the video?" he asked his class.

One student, a boy with glasses and blond hair, raised his hand. "Yes, Ted?" Mr. Deckard asked him. Quinn paid no attention to the answer provided by the boy. Instead, her attention was directed inwardly, at her own thoughts about her rabbit experiment. It was similar to the exploding weasel experiment, except that this time, she was going to make it more difficult for the animals to explode.

Her main goal, however, was to get the animals into pet stores, where humans would buy them as pets for their children, or themselves. Children would, of course, want to hug the little monsters, and the pressure of the hug would trigger the explosion. The tricky part was figuring out just how to get the animals into pet stores.

"Miss Vanderi?" Quinn snapped her head up. "Huh?" she asked. "Miss Vanderi, which two elements are dangerous alone, but harmless together?" Mr. Deckard asked her. "Uh... that's rather vague, since there are so many of them," she replied carefully. "Good point. Which two elements, or chemical agents, are commonly found in food and drinks that are dangerous on their own but harmless when combined?" Mr. Deckard asked her.

"Um... Sodium and Chloride?" Quinn replied. "Very good. It seems you _are_ paying attention after all," Mr. Deckard said before he turned away. Quinn looked over and saw Stacey writing something on a piece of paper. It was most likely homework for another class.

After the last class of the day ended, Quinn made her way outside, wearing a waterproof winter jacket. She was walking down the steps of the front building when she saw a peculiar sight on the other end of the street. It looked like a human in a trench coat, with a big hat and mask covering their face.

The masked human quickly turned around and disappeared into an alley between two buildings across from the school. "That was... odd," Quinn commented in a slightly puzzled tone. "Eh, whatever," she then said with a shrug before someone pushed her out of the way as they made their way down the stairs. "Hey! Watch your step! No one bumps into the mighty QUINN!" Quinn yelled at the jock wearing the football team jacket.

Quinn frowned and resumed walking, not noticing the figure watching her in the distance as she made her way home. "Stupid humans," she grumbled before reached the front door and made her way inside. She quickly removed her jacket and put it on the coat rack before removing her disguise and stowing it into her PAK.

"Computer! Take me down to the main lab," Quinn demanded. A hole opened up in the floor and an elevator pad appeared. Quinn smiled as she stepped onto it an descended into the depths of the base. "Ah, the smell of machinery," she said happily.

When she reached the lab, she saw something that caused her to stand still. Skoodge was drinking water from a bottle. He was drinking... water. "S-Sk-Skoodge! What are you doing!? That's **water!** " Quinn exclaimed fearfully. "Yes. Purified water from a bottle, to be precise," Skoodge replied. "B-But, it's dangerous to Irkens!" Quinn exclaimed.

"Really? Then how am I not being harmed?" he asked her. "Uh... you bathed in paste and coated your mouth with it?" Quinn replied. "Bathed in-never mind. Quinn, haven't you done any research on the most common substance on this planet?" Skoodge asked her. "Of course I've done research on it! Water covers seventy five percent of the planet's surface, and it burns our skin!" Quinn snapped.

"Only the polluted water," Skoodge said. "Only the-what do you mean?" Quinn asked him, curious. "The water in this bottle is purified. It's been filtered to remove harmful chemicals and pollutants. Water such as this is completely fine for us. It's the polluted water outside that's harmful to Irken biology," Skoodge explained.

"How do you know this?" Quinn asked him. "I did some research today. I was studying several different water samples and comparing them to each other," Skoodge explained to her. Quinn eyed the water bottle distrustfully. "Are you certain that the bottled water is safe for consumption?" she asked Skoodge. Skoodge grabbed his water bottle and drank some in front of her. "See?" he asked.

He even spilled a little on his face to prove his point. "Amazing," Quinn said as she grabbed an unopened bottle of water and unscrewed the cap. She stared at the liquid inside with distrust as she slowly and hesitantly brought the opening to her mouth. Carefully, she tilted the bottle so that a small amount splashed onto her tongue.

Unlike rain, which harmed her, this bottled water did nothing to her. She blinked in surprise and looked at the bottle with wide eyes. "You're right. The filtered water is harmless to us," she said in astonishment. "That's why the water from the mall didn't harm me," she said to herself, remembering her trip to the Millennium Mall the previous year.

"This shall require further testing," Quinn said. "Um, well, I already-" "We must be comprehensive," Quinn interrupted Skoodge. "Of course," Skoodge said. "After all, water _is_ the most common substance on this planet."

* * *

Date: Friday, January 27th, 2098 

As Quinn left the base to go to school, she sensed something in the air. She turned her head around and scanned the neighborhood, checking for anything unusual. _I'll need to have scanning drones scan the perimeter today after I come back. Skoodge is too busy keeping an eye on the rabbits to really do much of anything, especially since they've reached their peak ripeness. I have to get them ready to send out to pet stores this afternoon_ , Quinn thought to herself as she walked to school.

Meanwhile, watching from a distance, hidden in the shadows, was the mysterious figure from yesterday. "I know where you live now," she whispered to herself with a smirk. "I'll get you soon, Miss Vanderi. I will have my revenge."

* * *

In the living room of Quinn's base, GIR was wearing his dog disguise while sitting on the couch, watching TV. " _Are fish using our oceans as their own private toilets? It's septic seas on the next Sick, Sad World!_ " As GIR changed the channel, he received a wireless message from the base's computer, alerting him to a presence in the front yard.

GIR turned his head to look out the window, just in time to see a strange figure wearing a trench coat walking up to the door before bending over to put something on the ground. GIR got off the couch and walked over to the door, opening it and surprising the intruder. They stood back in surprise as GIR looked up at them before looking back down at the box on the front step. GIR wagged his tail as he grabbed the box and brought it into the house, closing the door on the stranger.

"Okay... that was weird," the stranger said before turning around and walking away. It was the middle of the day, so there was plenty of time to vacate the area before her target returned home. Back inside the base, however, GIR was staring at the box that he was holding in his nubby hands.

" **GIR, that package should be secured until Quinn returns from school,** " The Computer advised. "Aww... I wanted to open it now," GIR whined. " **Who is it addressed to?** " The Computer asked GIR. "It says 'Miss Quinn Vanderi' on it," GIR said slowly. " **Then we should scan the box and and keep it secure until Quinn returns. She would be very upset if we were to open her package without her permission,** " The Computer said.

* * *

Meanwhile, walking away from Quinn's house, the stranger entered an alley before crossing the street and heading for a motel. Just as she grabbed the handle, she noticed that it was unlocked. Carefully looking around for any signs of the police, she opened the door and stepped inside, closing it carefully.

After taking off her hat, Dr. Shar sighed and looked over at a mirror, seeing her masked face. A single tear strolled down the mask as she remembered what Quinn had done to her, before she lifted the mask to look at the disfigurement that had become her face. She quickly snapped the mask back on with a sob.

"Tragic, isn't it?" asked an unfamiliar male voice from across the room. Shar turned to see someone sitting in the shadows in the corner, next to the wall diving the main room from the bathroom. The person spoke with an accent, possibly British, maybe Australian. She wasn't entirely sure. And then she noticed something next to him.

The thing moved up, and Shar saw a large black dog. "Geist, stay put," the man said. At least, Shar thought it was a man. His voice had a slight youthful quality to it, but that may have just been the accent. "Who are you?" Shar asked him. "Who I am is not important," he replied.

"However, what I want _is,_ " he said. "And what is it that you want? A shag with someone who you think might be desperate enough to make herself feel better?" Shar asked with disgust in her voice. "A what? Oh, never mind. No, what I want is the same thing that you want," he said. "I want revenge against a certain female."

"Quinn Vanderi?" Shar asked him. "Is that the alias she chose? Hmm, well, I didn't expect anything clever anyway," he said. "You want revenge on her. Why?" Shar asked him. "She ruined my life, just like she ruined yours," he replied.

"And you want to team up with me?" Shar asked him. "Well, I _am_ offering to help, and you could really use it," the stranger said. "What did Quinn do to you?" Shar asked him. "I was forced to work in food service until recently, thanks to her. But... I was able to escape from that horrible place and track her down here," he said.

"Food service? Oh, you poor man," Shar said. "Don't pity me," he retorted. "Fine. What can you do to help me?" Shar asked him. "Well, I can give you a much better outfit; one that will make you seem powerful and intimidating to Quinn, at the very least," he said. "What about my face?" Shar asked. "Your mask could use some work as well, I suppose. I can give you what you need to take her down," he said.

Shar still couldn't see his face, but she did notice his gloved hands making gestures as he spoke. He was wearing a trench coat as well, or at least he seemed to be wearing one. He was sitting in the corner, so it wasn't easy to tell. "So, Mr. No Name, why should I trust you?" Shar asked him. The stranger stood up, and motioned for the dog to stay put as he walked forward. He was shorter than her, but he was definitely in his teens or early twenties, that much Shar could tell. He was also wearing a smock or neck gator that covered his face up to his nose, and a scarf around his neck, with a big hat on his head. He had blue eyes, but there was something about them that made her uneasy.

He held a gloved hand out to her. "I want revenge, and I will have it, regardless of whether I work with you or not," he said. Shar studied him a bit more. "Listen, Dr. Shar, you have been wronged by Quinn, just as I have. You've had your career destroyed and your future put in jeopardy, just as she destroyed my future. There are a lot of people in the world who want to see this girl hurt or even dead, but you and I are the only two who have managed to properly track her down," he said.

"If you wish to get revenge, then join me. Otherwise, stay out of my way. As I said, it doesn't matter if I work with you or not, because I _will_ have my revenge against Quinn. If you want your revenge, then your best chance is by working with me. Do you understand?" he asked her. Shar grimaced before she took his gloved hand and gripped it tightly, shaking it in agreement.

"I knew you were smart," he said. "So, what _is_ your name?" Shar asked the mysterious stranger. "That is not important, but if you want an alias by which to call me, then I would suggest Stranger," he replied. "Fine, be that way," Shar said. "Now, let's get started on drawing up some plans," Stranger said as he walked over to where Geist was standing and retrieved a suitcase from the floor. He laid it on the bed and opened it up. Shar stared at its contents in surprise.

* * *

**Quinn's Base, After School...**

Quinn opened the front door and stepped inside, closing it behind her before taking off her winter jacket and placing it on the coat rack. "Stupid Stacey," Quinn muttered under her breath as she made her way over to the toilet in the kitchen. "Oh, how I hate that annoying little vermin!"

" **Quinn, a package arrived for you today,** " The Computer announced before she reached the toilet elevator. "A package? Who is it from?" Quinn asked. " **There was no return address. I had GIR place it in a secure containment module until you returned,** " The Computer replied.

"I see. How is the rabbit experiment coming along?" Quinn asked as she stepped into the over-sized toilet and pulled a string, causing her to descend into the depths of the base. " **The rabbits are ready for transportation, but I have been running some simulations, and it's possible that** -" "Wait, simulations? Why?" Quinn asked.

" **One of the rabbits has displayed some symptoms of a possible illness. It has been quarantined from the rest of the rabbits. After** -" "Wait, one of them is sick? How will this affect their explodey-ness?" Quinn asked. " **Skoodge drew some blood samples from the specimen, and has been conducting tests to determine just that,** " The Computer replied.

Soon, Quinn arrived at the level with the rabbits. She had made sure to put the lab with the rabbits at least two more levels below her main lab, having learned from the weasel experiment. She stepped off of the elevator pad and walked over to the door to enter the main room, where she saw Skoodge looking at something on a terminal screen.

"Skoodge! How are my furballs of death and destruction?" Quinn asked him. "Um... yeah, about that," Skoodge said slowly. "See, if you don't get these things out there and detonate them within the next forty-eight hours, they're going to start decaying and burn up from the inside out. Like a small meltdown of sorts," Skoodge said.

"What!?" Quinn asked in shock. "The chemical composition of the rabbits is unstable, Quinn. According to the simulations and calculations, if they don't explode by the end of Sunday night, then they'll just melt from the inside in a horrible, bloody, fiery and smokey death," Skoodge explained.

"No! There's no guarantee that gullible humans will buy them from a pet store in that short amount of time!" Quinn exclaimed. "Well, do you have a target location selected for depositing these little furballs?" Skoodge asked her. "I... um, well, I have two in mind, but I don't think that we can fit all of the rabbits in both locations alone," Quinn replied.

"Either way, I think we should head out there tonight, and put the plan into action before the rabbits expire," Skoodge said. "Yes. I'll prepare the Voot Cruiser and my rabbit containment unit. GIR!" Quinn called out. GIR soon fell out of an open vent and landed on the floor.

"Yes, Sir!" GIR said with a salute as his markings briefly glowed red before returning to their normal bluish green. "GIR, prepare the rabbit containment unit! We're delivering our exploding vermin to the pet stores tonight!" Quinn declared. "Yaaay!" GIR cried in delight.

"And remember," Quinn called out to him, " _Don't_ squeeze the vermin!" GIR had already left the room. "Skoodge, begin working the automated specimen handling systems. I'd rather not chance GIR doing something stupid," Quinn said.

"You know, I feel like I'm forgetting something, though," Quinn said thoughtfully. " **The package that was delivered today?** " The Computer said. "Package? Oh yeah, that thing," Quinn said. "Package?" Skoodge asked. "You weren't notified by the computer?" Quinn asked him. "No. I've been down here all day with the rabbits," Skoodge replied.

"Computer, bring me the package this instant," Quinn demanded. " **Yes, Quinn,** " The Computer said. A moment later, the package, still inside its security container, was present to Quinn by a robotic arm. "Hmm, it's addressed to me," Quinn said as she removed the lid of the container before reaching inside.

"Um, who's it from?" Skoodge asked her. "It doesn't say," Quinn said. "Are you sure that it's safe to open?" Skoodge asked her. Quinn looked at him incredulously. "Computer, please run a security scan of the box and its contents," Quinn requested. " **Initiating scan.** "

Two crossing blue beams passed over the box several times over the next sixty seconds. " **Scan complete. No dangerous materials detected,** " The Computer announced. Quinn reached inside again and lifted the lid off of the box. Her eyes widened in surprise and curiosity at the contents inside.

"What is this?" Quinn asked as she reached in and grabbed a bottle of perfume. "Isn't this... that horrible smelling stuff those humans spray onto themselves?" she asked out loud. She reached in and grabbed a thing of lipstick. "This is odd," Quinn said.

"Who would give me _human_ beauty products? And why? I have no desire to appeal to substandard human conceptions of attractiveness," Quinn said. "Um... maybe someone you know from school sent it to you?" Skoodge suggested. "Hmm, that Sandi girl and the Fashion Club might do something like this, but I don't believe that any of them know where I reside," Quinn said thoughtfully.

"That Stacey girl?" Skoodge suggested. "No. In human culture, this would be a gift towards another human, and Stacey would never give me anything that could be considered a gift," Quinn replied. She put the two objects back in the box and retrieved a pamphlet. "'A Newcomer's Guide To Liposuction'?" Quinn asked as she reached in and found a pouch that jiggled. "Eww," she muttered as she withdrew her hand from the box.

"What's liposuction?" Skoodge asked. "It's some kind of process where humans modify their bodies through surgery in order to appear more attractive. There was this human I studied who specialized in horrible surgeries to... no, that's impossible," Quinn said. "I... don't follow you," Skoodge said.

Quinn looked back in the box and saw a folded up piece of paper on the bottom. Setting the liposuction pamphlet back down, she grabbed the paper and lifted it out, opening it to read it out loud. "Dear Quinn, be afraid. I will have my revenge for what you did to me, and you will pay," Quinn read out loud.

"Hmm, who could it be?" she asked in genuine curiosity. "Um, didn't you mention a human who specializes in-" "No, Dr. Shar was sent to a mental institute after I performed my own surgery on her face. She's locked up tight. It must be someone else," Quinn said. "Are you... sure? I mean, what if she managed to escape?" Skoodge asked.

"Please, Skoodge! This is isn't like Foodcourtia where someone can just walk out the back door of someplace and hop in a personal transport on a whim!" Quinn retorted. "Right. Well, you've said that most of the humans are pretty stupid, so what if this doctor managed to trick the other humans into letting her go?" Skoodge suggested.

"Hmm, that's possible, since Shar _did_ use her brain to make people think that they actually needed her skills when they actually didn't. [Gasp!] Skoodge, you might be onto something!" Just then, GIR burst into the room, carrying two big portable transport modules on his shoulders.

"GIR, place the modules in their loading bays while the automated system gathers the rabbits," Quinn ordered. "Okie dokie!" GIR replied as he walked over to the rabbit containment unit and inserted the transport modules into their rectangular slots. "Now, to put my brilliant plan into action!" Quinn said gleefully.

* * *

Quinn flew the Voot Cruiser over the roof tops of Lawndale. Her first stop was a pet store located in the Lawndale Shopping District. Quinn carefully parked the Voot Cruiser on top of the pet shop, just out of sight of anyone who might be standing on the streets below. "Now, to get inside," she whispered as she get out of the cockpit. She took a scanning device out of her PAK and searched for a suitable spot to make a hole.

"Hmm... no, no, there!" She quickly removed a small cube from the scanner and placed it on the roof, stepping back before pressing some buttons on the scanner. The cube quickly separated into several pieces and began racing around in a circle, eventually cutting into the rooftop and down into the ceiling of the pet shop.

Quinn quickly ran back into the Voot Cruiser and lifted it into the air, flying over the spot where the hole was being cut. She deployed a small drill with a notch of some kind on it, and it quickly embedded itself into the roof, before she deployed a cable with a hook, catching the notch and lifting the circular piece of roof into the air after it had been cut. She dragged the roof piece over to the side and set the Voot Cruiser down next to it before exiting the vehicle and making her way back over to the hole.

Quinn peered into the hole and the interior of the pet shop below. "Excellent," she whispered before she ran back over to the Voot Cruiser and retrieved one of the rabbit transport modules. She made her way back to the hole and used her PAK legs to get inside the pet shop, carefully scanning for any security measures.

Seeing that there were none around, Quinn carefully dropped to the floor, retracting her PAK legs as she carried the rabbit transport over to an area where several rabbits and bunnies were kept in cages. Quinn smirked as she began removing the rabbits from the module and opening the cages. "The humans will be none the wiser," she said to herself.

Several minutes later, Quinn used her PAK legs to maneuver herself back onto the roof, empty rabbit transport module in hand. After she retracted her PAK legs, she walked over to the Voot Cruiser and threw the empty transport module inside. "So... he was right. This is what you truly are," said a vaguely familiar female voice.

Quinn turned around, her eyes widening in surprise at the sight before her. It was a woman, wearing a mostly red outfit, and a white mask, along with a short red cape. "Um... who are you?" Quinn asked her. "I am-" "Who are you!?" Quinn interrupted. "I am-" " _WHO ARE YOU!?_ " Quinn screamed. "Shut up and I'll tell you!" the woman shrieked back at her.

Quinn narrowed her eyes at the masked woman. "I... am Shar," she said. "Uh... really? I thought you were taken to some kind of mental hospital after I touched up your face," Quinn replied in confusion. "I escaped," she said. "Yes, so it would seem. But what do you want?"

"I want revenge!" Shar declared. "So?" Quinn asked her flatly. "So!? I want revenge! Do you have any idea what you did to me!?" Shar shrieked at her. "Of course I do! I'm the one who did it!" Quinn replied. "Yes, and I'm going to ruin your life! First, I'm going to beat you up, and then I'm going to expose you to the whole world!" Shar declared with a vicious smile.

"Uh-huh, sure," Quinn said in a bored tone. She'd already heard this little speech plenty of times from Stacey. Well, she'd heard the part about being exposed, anyway. Shar scowled at Quinn, and the winter air seemed to enhance the chill that she wanted to give the alien.

"Well, I have some things to do, so why don't you try meeting me some other time, okay?" Quinn asked as she turned around and walked back to her Voot Cruiser. "Not so fast!" Shar called out as she whipped out a plasma pistol and fired it at Quinn. Quinn dodged at the last second, and saw the burn mark on her Voot Cruiser.

Quinn turned to look at Shar in shock. "How did you get that!?" she asked. "A new friend gave it to me," Shar said with a smile. "I see, but who would possibly want to be friends with _you?_ " Quinn asked her. Shar frowned and snarled at the alien girl. "Shut up!" she sniped as she brought out a metallic looking whip.

"What the!? Is that an Irken Enforcement Whip!? So, your contact is Irken?" Quinn asked her. "I don't care. He has some nice toys and is willing to share them with me! Now, taste this!" Shar roared as she lashed the whip forward, catching Quinn off guard.

"Aah!" Quinn cried as the whip sent her sprawling to the ground. She looked up and rolled over just as the whip came down. Quinn quickly sprouted her PAK legs and retrieved a laser pistol from her PAK. Shar wrapped the whip around one of Quinn's PAK legs and pulled, causing Quinn to lose her balance and drop the laser pistol.

She snarled at Shar, who grinned wickedly at her before aiming the plasma pistol at her and firing. Quinn leaned to the left and dodged the super-heated plasma bolt as it sailed past her into the cold night air. "Bad little girls need to be punished!" Shar exclaimed as she tugged further, pulling Quinn towards her. Quinn quickly descended and lunged forward, tackling Shar to the ground.

Shar smacked Quinn in the face with the plasma pistol, leaving a bruise. Quinn grabbed the whip and held it as she retracted her PAK legs, freeing herself from it. Shar smacked her again, causing her to roll over and hold her face in pain. "You _horrible human!_ " Quinn snarled as she regained her footing and assumed a combat stance. Shar stood up and rushed forward.

As Quinn leapt to the side, Shar brought out the whip and wrapped it around Quinn's left leg, catching her and pulling her along through the air, smacking her into the ground several times before letting her grip loosen. Quinn fell to the ground and rolled over, catching her breath and holding her rib cage in pain as she looked up at the whip. The whip smacked Quinn in the face, giving her a scar before Shar brought it back and let it loose again, smacking Quinn in the torso and sending her sprawling to the ground again. Shar rolled the whip back and sent it out again at the recovering Quinn.

Quinn dodged and leapt to the side, scrambling for her Voot Cruiser. Shar managed to turn around and fire another bolt from the plasma pistol. Quinn quickly jumped inside and grabbed the second rabbit transport module, opening it and retrieving a rabbit before closing the lid. She quickly leapt out, being careful not to squeeze the rabbit too hard, and turned to face Shar.

"Behold, Shar! My latest weapon of destruction!" Quinn said as she held the rabbit in her hands. Shar stared at her, dumbfounded, before she started to laugh. "Th-That _rabbit_ is your-[laugh]-your weapon!? Ah-ha! Ha-ha!" Shar retorted with laughter. "Don't believe me? Then catch!" Quinn shouted as she threw the rabbit at Shar.

Shar grabbed the rabbit before it hit her, and then squeezed it. Quinn covered her eyes as the rabbit exploded in Shar's hands, and her scream tore through the cold night air. "He-he, I told you," Quinn whispered before she uncovered her eyes and looked at the charred remains of Shar. "Well... that was an awful experience," Quinn said to herself as she turned around and climbed into the Voot Cruiser's cockpit.

She lifted the vehicle into the air and replaced the roof circle, before pressing a button on a remote and signalling the pieces of the cube to seal the roof piece back with the rim of the hole. They performed their job and then broke apart inside of the welded area, melting into it and holding it together.

"One down, and one to go," Quinn said to herself as she flew the Voot Cruiser in the direction of the mall. She didn't notice the dark blue and purple vessel hiding on a nearby rooftop as its occupant tracked her. The blue and purple vehicle silently rose into the air after Quinn was far enough away and flew back to its owner's hidden base.

* * *

Date: Monday, February 2nd, 2098 

Quinn walked quietly to school, keeping herself away from the snow. Looking out at the forest in the distance, she began to wonder if the remaining rabbits had expired yet. She had already accomplished her goal of mixing the destructive rabbits in with the normal rabbits at the pet stores, and now she merely had to wait.

As she approached the entrance to Lawndale High School, she overheard one of the older students, Brittany Taylor, talking about something that made Quinn smile. "And then there was this smoke-like smell in the air, and the rabbit began to squeal and scream and it was just awful!" Brittany cried.

"It just... it was cooked from the inside and turned into a horrible piece of fiery roadkill!" Brittany cried out. "Wow, Babe, that's awful! Maybe you'll feel better when you watch me win the next game," Kevin Thompson said. "Kevvy, you idiot!" Brittany exclaimed as she smacked him. "What!?" Kevin asked her in confusion.

Quinn smiled as she entered the building and made her way over to her locker. Stacey noticed her and raised an eyebrow. "No matter how small, success... is success," Quinn said to herself. "Now, what will be my next experiment?"

* * *

Ending Theme: Date of Rebirth, by Origa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the tenth episode of season 2. I had actually planned for this to be the season finale, but I decided to push it forward and use it to set up the introduction of a new character, one who really won't be seen in full until the third season. The second season isn't over, as there are two more episodes to go.
> 
> And, yes, Dr. Paraya is named after the character of Quess Paraya from Mobile Suit Gundam: Char's Counterattack (1988).


	11. Mysterious Mysteries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the current host of TV program Mysterious Mysteries is given a warning to get better ratings, he makes a desperate decision to use the material sent to their show by Stacey Morgendorffer. Will this be the jackpot that the host needs, or has he unleashed Pandora's Box upon his psyche?

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 023/2-011: Mysterious Mysteries

* * *

Date: Saturday, January 28th, 2098

" _And so, like the alien said, come out to commune with the Blotch. So, I, like, left my husband and came out here to commune with the Blotch,_ " a blonde woman with glasses said. " _The Blotch knows. The Blotch knows,_ " a group of people surrounding her and a large, morbidly obese bald man began to chant.

The microphone was held closer to the woman. " _What exactly does The Blotch know?_ " Mysterious Mysteries host Mike Hummel asked her. " _Um, I don't know, the future? It's kind of hard to make out,_ " the woman replied. At that moment, the large obese man began to gargle, and then scream multiple times at the top of his lungs before quieting down. " _He does that sometimes,_ " she said before The Blotch began screaming again.

Hummel paused the video and closed his eyes before shaking his head in shame and regret. "Where did I go wrong?" he asked himself solemnly, just before the door to his room opened and a large woman, the producer of the show, leaned in. "Hey, I've got some bad news: YOU'RE FIRED!" she yelled forcefully.

Hummel stared at her with wide eyes. "Ha-ha! I'm just kidding," she said with a smile and a dismissive wave. "You're not fired, but you _will be_ , unless you liven up the show," she added before turning around and walking away. An intern with a large folder walked in the door after she left.

"Hey, I've got some submissions for next week's show," he said as he handed the manila folder to Hummel. "There's got to be something good in here," Hummel said as he dug through the contents of the folder. "Let's see... an unusually fat baby? That's not mysterious. A man with two sets of glasses? No. Pig-foot!? Oh, this is **ridiculous!** " he exclaimed.

"Well, you could always try the Dib archives," the intern suggested. "No, we ran those dry years ago. Everything in there has already been used," Hummel said, remembering what his predecessor had gone through. "Well, what about the stuff that crazy Morgendorffer girl keeps sending us?" the intern asked him.

Hummel shook his head. "No. I know what my predecessor went through with Dib. I am _not_ going to suffer the same fate with this girl," Hummel said, before he looked back down at the file on "Pig-foot." He looked back up at the door with Stacey Morgendorffer's name on it.

"Okay... I'll give it a shot," he said reluctantly as he got up from his chair and walked over to the room, opening the door and turning on the lights before continuing inside. He looked around at the various containers of videos, pictures, and even audio tapes that had been sent to Mysterious Mysteries by the girl. The only one that they had touched recently was the Chickenfoot file, and that was because they had exposed a fraud.

Looking over at a box from the previous year, with the return address of Lawndale, Hummel reached over and grabbed it, lifting the package into the air and walking back to the main recording room. He opened the package and retrieved the video disc inside. "It's _got_ to be better than Pigfoot," he said as he inserted the disc into the computer.

After watching the video, his eyes widened. "Simmons! Get the van! We might just have a story!" Hummel shouted ecstatically. _I just hope this doesn't come back to bite me_ , he thought to himself.

* * *

[The next section of this episode is told in an alternating semi-script format]

* * *

" **Mysterious Mysteries... of Strange Mystery! Now faster paced, harder hitting, and even more...** _ **mysterious!**_ " Various images are shown across the screen of weird creatures, strange lights, odd cars, and even a brief flash of a blond idiot and a brunette idiot listening to music. The host is seen standing in front of these images and videos before the camera pans away from him.

"Are we alone in the universe?" he asks the audience. A screen drops down next to him as he speaks. "Tonight, we'll show you an intriguing video that just might answer that vexing question," he says, before the screen comes on an the camera zooms in.

The footage shows someone's hand pushing a branch aside as a small clearing is revealed, showing Quinn without her disguise and GIR sitting on a tree branch. The date in the corner of the screen is 12/04/2097, or December 4th, 2097. They are both making strange noises and grunts while looking at a glowing sphere hovering in the air. " _Look, Daria! You're my witness! She_ _ **is**_ _an alien!_ " " _I know, Stacey. I rescued you from her space station._ " Quinn and GIR both turn to look at Stacey in surprise and horror. " _I have her on tape! I have you on tape, too, witnessing it! Isn't that-ow!_ " Stacey cries out as she falls over and the footage changes to static.

The camera then shows the host, Mike Hummel, standing outside of the Morgendorffer household in the evening, as snow can be seen on the ground around him. "Thanks to the efforts of a potential obsessive stalker named Stacey Morgendorffer, we here at Mysterious Mysteries have a new piece of the puzzle that is mankind's eternal search for life beyond Earth," Hummel says before turning around to walk up the path to the front door.

"The splendors of a winter wonderland," he says as he gestures to the snow around him. "A beautiful landscape that distracts one from the possible madness hiding inside this very building," he says. "This neighborhood is a peaceful one, and it is so peaceful and safe," he pauses before grabbing the door handle and twisting it, "That one does not even need to lock the door."

He opens the door and we see Daria sitting on the couch, watching TV, along with Stacey and Andrea. A black cat turns to look at them and takes a defensive posture, while Daria turns her head and frowns. "Who are you?" she asks in a dangerous tone as she grabs her bowl of popcorn and lifts it into the air. When Hummel does not reply in time, she stands up and throws the bowl at him. "Get out of my house!"

Stacey, however, stands up and rushes over. "Mysterious Mysteries! It's them, it's them! I knew you would come, I knew it! Yes! Yes!" Stacey cries out happily as she practically bounces on her feet with glee. Andrea turns to look at her just as Jane comes out of the kitchen. "Uh, what's going on here?" she asks curiously.

The screen cuts to a gray backdrop with a profile picture of Stacey. "Young Stacey Morgendorffer has been chronicling the paranormal almost all of her life. Thus, when a green girl, claiming to have a skin condition, showed up at her new school, she says she was... prepared," Hummel narrates as images of Stacey are shown on the screen.

* * *

"Look at her," Stacey said as she looked at the camera and then at Hummel. "She's so... _green._ " "Yes," Hummel said, nodding in agreement at one of the few things no one could possibly dispute. "Now, Stacey, I would very much appreciate having the events of that night cleared up for everyone. Would you please assist us in that endevour?" Hummel asked her as he sat across from her.

Stacey smiled and nodded her head. "Of course," she said. "Very good," Hummel replied.

* * *

[ **DRAMATIC REENACTMENT** ]

" _I was monitoring some high frequency radio waves when I picked up a strange signal. I went out to investigate with Daria. She's my sister_." " **Yes. Please, go on.** "

A set with fake shrubs and cut out trees is shown, and a Stacey and Daria look-alike are walking through the fake forest. The Daria look-alike has a purple jacket instead of a green one, as the reenactment is clearly being rushed. Her hair is only down her her shoulders, as it is representative of Daria's hair still growing back from the lice outbreak. The Stacey actress is wearing Stacey's usual attire, with a grey jacket, a black shirt, and blue jeans.

"We are close, Sis! I can feel it in my _brain!_ " STACEY says dramatically. The bushes are moved apart and the lights come on in a section of the studio, showing someone dressed up as Quinn, and a man in a GIR costume, which looks like cardboard boxes and vacuum hoses. Hanging from a cord is a light bulb, representing the strange light from the video. "Look, Daria! She _is_ an alien! You are my witness!" STACEY declares. "Gol~ly!" DARIA says with a southern accent.

QUINN takes out a toy laser gun and "fires" at STACEY and DARIA. The circles of energy are not placed properly on the screen as they emit from the gun. The circles go past STACEY while DARIA grabs her faces and screams in agony. "Ahh! Aaiiiieeeaaaaaaaaaaaa!" DARIA cries out dramatically. STACEY then throws the camera to the ground and she and QUINN wrestle for it.

" _She tried to wrestle the tape away from me, but I was too much for her to handle._ "

"Stacey! Look at the... glowy... thing!" DARIA cries out in a very un-Daria like manner. STACEY walks over and climbs up the ladder next to the fake tree before pushing Gir out of the way and ripping the light bulb from its hold, throwing it at a fake shrub. The crash causes a small fire, which is quickly put out.

[ **END REENACTMENT** ]

* * *

Hummel looked at Stacey inquisitively. "Aliens? That's quite a claim you've made, Stacey. Are you prepared to defend it?" Hummel asked her. "I think the video speaks for itself," Stacey said confidently. "Hmm, yes, well... we have someone here today to provide a counterpoint. This young lady here _denies_ your accusation," Hummel said as Quinn walked onto the stage taking a seat next to Stacey.

"What's she doing here!? She's the alien!" Stacey exclaimed. Quinn glared at Stacey. "I've come here to put a stop to all of this alien mumbo gumbo! When will her lies stop!?" Quinn cried out dramatically. Hummel raised an eyebrow. Looking at the girl, he was finding it very difficult to refute Stacey's claims, no matter how annoying or crazy she may have seemed otherwise.

"Well," Hummel began, "I suppose my first question for you, Quinn, is this: Are you an alien?" Quinn's eye widened and she snarled. " _ **LIES!**_ The _**FILTHY**_ Earth girl _LIES!_ " Quinn shrieked wildly. She then caught herself and coughed. "I mean... no," she said calmly.

Hummel was now very much convinced that Quinn was lying. However, he had no intention of setting her off on a tirade of any kind again either. "Well, what about... the video?" Hummel asked her.

* * *

[ **DRAMATIC REENACTMENT** ]

The screen shows QUINN and Gir in their spots, standing around doing nothing of importance except looking around. Gir is now holding a flashlight to represent the glow. There are also some pieces of tape on parts of the costume.

" _I was outside playing like any normal Earth larva until Stacey showed up, looking for trouble!_ " " **I see.** "

STACEY and DARIA walk through the stage, frowns and mean looks on their faces. "Hey, new girl! Give me all of your lunch money!" STACEY demands. "But, I need these monies to buy nutrients, my fellow human females!" QUINN retorts with the voice of a full-grown woman. There is a slight hint of a Brooklyn accent in her voice.

"Give us all your monies, greenie, or else we'll tell everybody that you're an alien!" STACEY says with a frown. "Leave me alone," QUINN says, "I just want to play and have fun!" QUINN then turns around a does a strange dance. "F-Fine!" STACEY says with a slight stutter before she takes out the camera. "Look, Daria! She really _is_ an alien! You are my witness! I have her on tape, and I have you on tape as well, witnessing it!"

STACEY walks forward and punches QUINN in the gut before pushing her over onto the ground. DARIA looks on with a hint of confusion and concern on her face. STACEY then climbs up the ladder and pushes Gir out onto the ground below. " _Not again_ ," the man in the Gir costume can be heard muttering.

Small spicketts from the Quinn costume produce water as QUINN cries. "Boo-hoo-hoo!" "Shut up," STACEY says before kicking her. She is then hauled away from QUINN by DARIA and several crew members.

[ **END REENACTMENT** ]

* * *

Stacey turned and pointed at Quinn. "That didn't happen!" Stacey cried out. "Well neither did my alien gun!" Quinn retorted. "Oh yeah!? Well what about that glowing thing!? That was no _Human_ glow!" Stacey retorted.

Hummel coughed. "Well, we asked an expert about that," Hummel said. "In fact, we asked three experts for their opinions," he added.

* * *

Cut to a screen of Professor Dib Membrane. "Well, it's kind of hard to make out, but it _does_ seem kind of odd. It's certainly worth looking at a bit closer."

Cut to a screen of Professor Jake Morgendorffer. "Hmm, I'm going to say it looks like a big balloon in front of a flashlight to enhance the unnatural effect. Kind of like a prank that a fellow cadet would play on Corporal Ellenbogen at Buxton Ridge Military Academy. I hated Ellenbogen so  _ **BLEEP**_ much! I hated him! I still do! I-"

Cut to a screen of Professor Membrane Sr. "It is quite possibly a weather balloon... or swamp gas."

* * *

"Swamp gas?" Stacey asked dejectedly. Quinn practically snorted. "Stacey's crazy! Ask anyone in our school, or even anyone who's met her!" Quinn said.

* * *

Cut to a screen showing a microphone being held up to Sandi Griffin. "Stacey Morgendorffer? That girl is just weird and stupid. Not to mention she is so unfashionable." "Yeah," Tiffany Blum-Deckler chimes in. "She's, like, crazy."

Cut to a screen showing Jodie Landon. "Um, who's Stacey Morgendorffer?"

Cut to a screen showing Andrea Membrane. "Um... she's, well, a little eccentric at times, I guess."

Cut to a screen showing Jamie White. "That Stacey chick just never shuts up. It's really annoying."

Cut to a screen showing a blonde moron and a brunette moron. "He-he-he! Stacey? Yeah, we like, knew her sister and stuff! She was hot!" "Shut up, buttmunch!" Butthead says as he smacks Beavis. "Ow, that hurt, dammit!" Beavis snaps before he punches Butthead. "Um, what about Stacey?" "Huh? Oh, uh... her sister was, like, really smart and stuff," Butthead says. "Yeah, but she like, read books for _fun!_ What a weirdo!" Beavis says. "Are we talking about Stacey or Daria?" Hummel asks them. "Uh... I don't know," Butthead says.

Cut to a screen showing Lucie Howarth. "Stacey? Yeah, she's pretty crazy."

* * *

 

Stacey looked at the screens with a hurt expression on her face. _All I've ever tried to do is show people the truth and save them from destruction. But do any of them appreciate it? Hardly, save a handful. Ungrateful bastards._

"So, Stacey, I guess the big question on everyone's mind is this: are you crazy?" Hummel asked her. "Of course they accuse me of being crazy. I talk about things that they don't understand or don't _want_ to understand! Because then they would have to open their eyes to the world around them and _think!_ And thinking would hurt their heads too much!" Stacey answered defensively.

"No, you're just crazy," Quinn said snidely. "Shut up, you green-skinned bitch!" Stacey snapped at her. "Hey! Hey! Watch it girls. This is national TV! Some people's _jobs_ are on the line!" he said. "This is insane! Talk to my sister, Daria! She was there!" Stacey exclaimed. "Really? Well, it's a good thing that she's here with us, isn't it?" Hummel replied.

"Daria?" Stacey asked as she saw her sister walk over to the stage and take a seat next to Quinn. "Hey, Sis," Daria said nonchalantly. "So, Daria, after what you saw, do you believe that your sister has obtained proof of intelligent extraterrestrial life?" Hummel asked her. "Intelligent is a rather questionable term," Daria replied flatly. "Stacey _did_ drag me out to help her look for Quinn that night, so she didn't make that part up," Daria added.

* * *

[ **DRAMATIC REENACTMENT** ]

STACEY walks forward with her camera, hitting herself in the head twice. DARIA walks behind her, a scowl on her face. STACEY also now sports some kind of collar with lights on it around her neck. "Aliens, aliens, UFO's, aliens, Bigfoot, aliens," STACEY says over and over again. DARIA rolls her eyes.

Soon, STACEY clears the brush and sees QUINN and Gir. Both of them look at the glow. "Durr... shiny! Shiny light! Shiny, shiny!" STACEY and QUINN both shout with glee. Then, STACEY gets her head in order. "Whoa! Look, Daria! She _is_ an alien! You are my witness! I have her on tape! Aliens! I have you on tape as well!" STACEY exclaims.

DARIA then trips STACEY, who falls to the ground. "I am injured," she says. "Morons," DARIA mutters.

[ **END REENACTMENT** ]

* * *

"I... don't remember it happening quite like that," Daria commented as she saw the video of the reenactment. A microphone dropped down and hit Hummel on the head. "Ow! Huh? Oh, um, well it looks like we'll never know what really happened that night," Hummel said, until an assistant walked over and whispered into his ear.

"Are you sure? Why wasn't I told about this?" Hummel asked the assistant. The assistant shrugged his shoulders and walked away. "Well, it turns out that we have a surprise witness who was there!" Hummel announced.

At that moment, GIR walked into the room, wearing no disguise at all. Hummel's eyes widened behind his glasses. _Well, that settles it_ , he thought as he looked at the robot that was taking a seat next to Daria.

"Hey, he works for the alien!" Stacey cried out. "Please shut up," Hummel asked her. GIR looked around and waved at the cameras. "So, um... Sara, I believe your name was?" Hummel asked GIR. "Uh-huh," GIR replied with a nod of his head. "Right. So, what can you tell us about Stacey?" Hummel asked the robot.

"She's all mean to my master! Stacey's not nice to Quinn I seen it! Stacey is a bad person! Ee-heeheeheha!" GIR replied. Hummel's left eye twitched. "Uh-huh," Hummel said with a worried expression on his face. "Now, what can you tell us about the night in question?" he asked the robot.

* * *

[ **DRAMATIC REENACTMENT** ]

" _I was a chubby lady, hiding in the bushes!_ " The camera pans down from QUINN and GIR to a chubby woman wearing a purple coat, kneeling behind a fake bush. " **Uh-huh. Now, what about Stacey?** " " _I'M ON TV!_ " " **Yes, then what happened?** "

" _That's when the Giant Squirrel showed up!_ " The camera shows a man in a horrifying giant squirrel costume emerging from behind the prop tree. " _GIR!_ " Quinn shouts. " **Let her talk. Can't you see she's upset!?** " Hummel asks Quinn as the camera pans over the scenery and the horrifying Giant Squirrel.

" **Now, don't you mean** _ **Stacey**_ **showed up?** " " _No! The Giant Squirrel showed up first, and then Stacey showed up._ " STACEY and DARIA approach the tree. STACEY looks at Gir and QUINN and then at the Giant Squirrel. At the sight of the Giant Squirrel, STACEY drops the camera and assumes a horrified stance. "Oh, man! W-What is that thing!?" she cries out.

" _And that's when the squirrel at Stacey's crazy head._ " " **What?** " The Giant Squirrel lunges at STACEY and drags her to the ground, putting its mouth around her head and making rough movements. STACEY screams before she stops moving. DARIA looks over and sees the actress playing STACEY engaged in a full lip-lock with the actor in the Giant Squirrel costume. She coughs to get their attention.

The Giant Squirrel then stands up. " _And then the Squirrel flew away!_ " Two ropes with hooks come down and grab the Giant Squirrel costume from the back and the tail. Lifting into the air, the hook on the back fails and the Squirrel is dragged around by the tail of the costume. " _After that, he went back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys!_ "

The Giant Squirrel "flies" through a backdrop of stars in space until it is dropped down onto a sand box with two guys in alien costumes, knocking them both over. " **What does** _ **THAT**_ **have to do with** _ **ANYTHING!?**_ " " _Me and the Squirrel are friends!_ "

SARA and the Giant Squirrel are shown dancing in front of the tree, where Gir is still sitting, QUINN is standing around shaking her head, and STACEY is still on the ground. DARIA is on the ground in a fetal position, horrified by the sight of the Giant Squirrel dancing.

[ **END REENACTMENT** ]

* * *

"I am so fired," Hummel whispered to himself as his right eye twitched. He stared at the four people sitting in front of him. Stacey looked depressed, Daria had an expression of indifference on her face, and Quinn had a look of disgust and confusion as she glowered at GIR. GIR was smiling without a care in the world.

"Well," Hummel began, "I think I can only come to one conclusion from all of this. Basically, Stacey is indeed _crazy!_ " "Hey!" Stacey cried out. "Shut up!" Hummel snapped. "Daria here seems to be sane, but she may have _already_ lost her grip on reality a long time ago, and the small shiny one is _completely insane_. I do feel a bit bad for the green girl, but I'm willing to bet that she's crazy too!" Hummel said as his grip on reality began to slip.

"But, not an alien, right?" Quinn asked. "Oh yes, you are _definitely_ an alien, and _that_ is also a robot, but I don't really care anymore! I don't care at all about anything! What's the _point!?_ " Hummel replied in a slightly manic tone. Quinn frowned and grabbed GIR, dragging him with her as she left the room. Daria got up and grabbed Stacey by the arm, pulling her behind as they walked away.

Hummel began shaking his head. "Nothing matters anymore! Maybe _I'm_ crazy too!" he shouted with a manic laugh as he ran over to the nearest camera and began screaming incoherently. "Aargeeoh! Glarbeleaeeoooaagggaaaaooaaarrggg!"

* * *

Date: Saturday, February 7th, 2098

" _Aargeeoh! Glarbeleaeeoooaagggaaaaooaaarrggg!_ " Hummel stared at the playback monitor as he watched himself lose his grip on reality again. "We are so cancelled," he whispered to himself before he lowered his head and held it in his hands as he silently began to sob. The door to the room opened and he looked over to see his manager. "Hey, good news! Ratings are through the roof!"

She walked over and patted him on the back. "I think this is some of the best work you've done yet! Crazy gets good ratings, so give me more like it!" she said before walking away and leaving the the room. Hummel looked at the paused video of himself on the playback monitor, and then he held his head in his hands and began to sob again.

* * *

Ending Theme: Date of Rebirth, by Origa.


End file.
